Buying another house with ex - her rights as the mother of my child?

neilum

Hi, this is going to seem a really bizarre question to some other separated dads, but I want to help my ex move from the area we used to live in together, to somewhere else. Our daughter is still only 8 and I'm happy my ex gets to stay in the house until she's 18. I'm not suffering financially as a result of the split and we've nearly paid the total mortgage off. We're not married, but we both put substantial amounts into the mortgage, so are both entitled to half if sold etc.

I want this to go ahead as it worries me (and her) that my daughter will have to grow up in that area. My ex can't drive so they are basically stuck in the middle of nowhere. I drive, so I was their main means of transport. Also, they would be nearer to me, which would mean not having to drive so far to see my daughter every other day and I could be on hand more for emergencies.

She wants to have a smaller place that she can afford by herself, but to move nearer to me, she'd have to leave her job and get a new one elsewhere. That wouldn't look good to a mortgage lender. I've suggested we borrow on the house we already own and buy a smaller house, move her and my daughter in, so we are still in the same situation house-wise, but she's living nearer to me.

She's saying no to this, because she's worried I'll then force her to sell, before she gets a chance to get another job and take over the mortgage. I'm pretty sure she'll still be able to stay in the property until my daughter is 18, as it's a property owned by both of us and we have a child in common.

She's talking about buying nearer to where she is now, so she can still get to her job, as she's sure it's only the house we were living together in that offers her rights as a mother, not one bought afterwards, as it's not the marital home?

I'd appreciate help with this, as we were getting on great until I suggested this. We only split up last year and I can see where she's coming from, but I just want everything to be okay for us all for the future. I'm hoping she'll say yes if I can reassure her.

I know this kind of thing probably isn't usual, but if anyone has any answers or advice, I'd really appreciate it.

Neil

tomtontom

Sounds like she wants a clean break, which is understandable. You've made the suggestion and she has declined it. Leave it at that.

neilum

Thanks for your reply.

I actually get the impression she'd be happy to do it if she knew her rights to stay in the house were the same as they are where she is now. She'd end up with a clean break once she bought me out with her own mortgage and probably be able to get a better job in a busier area to help pay for it. At the moment, she stays at her friend's overnight if I stay at the house with my daughter, so I don't have to drive back and forth at weekends. She's pretty flexible, but I know she hates having to do that and prefers me to bring my daughter to mine for sleepovers, but it's a long drive for my daughter each time. It would just be more convenient. She does know that.

theoretica

If she wants to move, could she do it by job hunting first and then move? She would then know exactly what the commute would be.

Alter_ego

theoretica wrote: »

If she wants to move, could she do it by job hunting first and then move? She would then know exactly what the commute would be.

Yes but the commute is not the problem.

susancs

You would both need to seek advice from a solicitor, but I can see why your ex would would want to be financially independent from you even if you have a good relationship as you never know what the future may hold e.g. what if either of you was made unemployed or decided to start a new family with other partners. If you have equity in the house, it would be best to sell it and both buy your own smaller properties, maybe near each other in an area you both can get employment in. Unless your ex has a medicial condition that prohibits her driving she could take driving lessons, even using her holidays to do a couple weeks of a full time course and test at the end (my husband did this and passed first time).

TBagpuss

It would be prudent in any event for the two of you to have a Declaraiton of Trust in relation to the new property, defining what interest you each have. You can include in this specifc provisions for when and in what circumstnaces a property would be sold. Alternatively, you could have specifc provision that she is to obntain your reaese from the motgage and buy you out within a specifc periodd of time. You and she can agree on the time period, and it could be indeinite but with a trigger (e.g. that she must release you form the mortgage and pay you, or sell the property, within 6 months from you giving her writen notice that you want your mony out - and this could also include an initial period before you could give notice. For instnace, as most mortgage lender s will want to see that womone has been employed for a t las a year ypu mgiht have an agreement that stated she has to buy you out (or sell) within 6 months of you giving her written notice but that you cannot give such notice or at least 18 months from thedate the property is purchased. Thatwould mean that she has a *minimum* of 2 years in which to sort out her mortgage.

As things stand, you could still potemntially force a sal - havign a child is relavent but would not automatically prevent you from doing so, so she does not lose rights by moving house, and there is the dvantage that the two of you can agree on, and define, how you will own the new property and when and in what circumstnaces it will be sold or transferred.

It's very common to have arangemets like this following a divorce, any good family solicitor will be able to help you get an appropriate form of declaration drawn up.

You could explicitly state that the purpose of the trust is to provide a home for your daughter until she turns 18 and that the house is not to be sold while it is required for that purpose. (you may not want to do so, as this could mean that you can't get your money out early, if for instace your ex married, but chosenot to buy you out)

You can (and should) also have specifc agreements in place about who is responsible for what (cost of any mortgage, if there will be a smaller one, cost of repairs, obligationsto maitian to a reasonable standard etc)

You can also consider, and agree on, what if anything would change if your ex were to marry or want to move a new partner in. Wouldyou still be happy for her to live in the hosue or would you want to have provision in the agreement that in those cicumstnaces she would be required to pay you out for your share of the property within a specifc time period?

neilum

The problem is, she does want to buy me out and be independent, but can't afford to buy me out of the house we currently own together and, to move nearer to me, she'd have to get a different job in this area. Yes, she does have a medical condition which prevents her from driving, so that's out of the question.

She wants to move out of the area anyway, but would only move nearer to me if she knew she had rights to stay in the house with my daughter, as she does now. The problem we have is she'd have to move here first, then get a job in order to please the mortgage company. She would only need a mortgage of, say, £30K, so she'd manage it easily by herself eventually. It's too far for her to start working here, then move. It's a two-hour drive for me, so a nightmare on public transport, obviously.

What I really need to know is if her rights as the mother of my child in our current property are transferred if we buy another together, even though we've split. I guess it's not something commonly known, so a solicitor seems my best bet.

Thanks for the replies, by the way...and, if anyone else knows the answer for definite, please chip in.

TBagpuss

She doesn't have rights as the mother of your child, either in the current property or in a new one.
She has rights as a co-owner of the property, which do not inlude the right to stay there during your child's childhood, nor to prevent a sale.
Moving would not change that.