Will my partners finances affect getting a house?

Jhoney_2

What about your happiness, stress and potential depression?

This guy is having a giraffe!

He should be happy that he is sharing the burden of his choices and allieviating your stress so you can all emerge from what sounds like economic depression.

For a person who cannot stand on his own two feet, he certainly knows how to run!

slowpoke_rodriguez

YasmineA90 wrote: »

I seriously hope he has a job by October,

I wouldn't bet on it...

smile88egc

Why would this man get a job when you are finding his lifestyle, the baby you have together, as well as a child from a previous marriage?

You are removing any real incentive for him to get back in to work (apart from the natural incentive he should have to provide for his family if he was a decent human being).

Your daughter should be your priority, not get dad's debts which he still hasn't accepted he is responsible for as he won't get out and work.

This situation sounds like a recipe for disaster, you need to change something asap! Good luck

sgun

I think you will find as you can stand on your own two feet financially that a baby isn't a financial tie... plenty of people do it alone.


However, that wasn't the question and I get the feeling that you aren't bothered if he gets a beneficial interest in the property through carrying out DIY or overpaying "rent". So yes, you can do it alone, depending on where you live in the country. In some places up here in the NE you would have saved enough to nearly buy a house outright.


One word of caution. I do know of a person in a very similar situation to you, who got married (after paying for both wedding rings and the whole wedding herself) and then did become solely liable for husbands debt, upkeep of ex-wifes house (as children from previous were living there), paid his child support and paid off the £10,000 debt he had run up by refusing to pay it in the first place, got dragged through the courts when children from previous marriage went feral and had to spend all her personal savings and more on picking up the pieces everywhere.


So maybe get a very, very secret bank account somewhere or make some strategic gifts to parents that could be cashed back in at a future date. There are sneaky ways of keeping your finances safe. This isn't a preach, you have a daughter and all your money should be spent on her and her future not on someone else's responsibilities.

steph2901

Yes you can get a mortgage alone and not have to add him, I'm in the process of applying for a sole mortgage as my new husband has defaults and debt from before we met (he does work full time though and is paying his debts off).

But you really need him to be working and paying his own way! He's sponging off you and it's really unfair on you and your baby. Why should you pay his way when he's perfectly capable of working? We all have to do things we don't want to do, it's what being an adult is all about. He sounds very immature and you sound like you deserve better.

marksoton

Wow...Just Wow.

Stop enabling him and give him a serious kick up the arriss...

pinkshoes

YasmineA90 wrote: »

I agree with your comments and have said this to him before, however his argument is that if he works in a place that makes him unhappy or stressed he will become depressed, stressed and start to slack and not turn up, which he did in his job he had when we met. Since then I'm the one looking for jobs for him and applying for him and it's not good enough. I'm determined to get us a house and carry on and do the best I can for us but your all right I need to stop funding things I shouldn't.

I would tell him that his lack of job and attitude towards finding work is making YOU unhappy and depressed, so he needs to pull his finger out and find ANY job and man up!!

Stop bailing him out. Make sure this house purchase is for you only, and his name is no where near the deeds. He sounds like a financial liability!

I would check your credit rating online (can be done for free) just to make sure that he has not been linked to you financially.

chelseablue

Never told this on here before but I feel for you so here goes:


I spent 18 months of my life with a man exactly like this.


We didn't live together or have any children together (thank God)
He lived at home with Mummy and I had my own flat.


In the whole time I knew him he never once had a job, apart from the odd night as a nightclub doorman.


Getting shot of him was the best thing I ever did looking back on it


Will your bloke change? I'm sorry to say but Im 99% sure that no he wont. You'll be wasting your life on him (harsh but true)


You'll be much better off without him (financially and mentally)


Feel free to PM me

martindow

I agree with everyone else that you are colluding with him allowing, almost encouraging. him in his pattern of behaviour.

When you are in the middle of a situation it can be hard to see what is going on when to people outside it is crystal clear. Read through the replies which are unanimous in their opinion. What do your friends and family say about this?

I find it hard to believe that anyone apart from you thinks this should continue.

TBagpuss

YasmineA90 wrote: »

I agree with your comments and have said this to him before, however his argument is that if he works in a place that makes him unhappy or stressed he will become depressed, stressed and start to slack and not turn up, which he did in his job he had when we met. Since then I'm the one looking for jobs for him and applying for him and it's not good enough. I'm determined to get us a house and carry on and do the best I can for us but your all right I need to stop funding things I shouldn't.

that's a cop out.

He needs to take some responsibilty for himself and his family.

Lots of people have to work in jobs they don't enjoy. Does he seriously imagine that eveyone he sees working in a shop or office is there becuase they love the place?

There is no reason why he should not take a job which is not his first preference, while simultaneously continuing to applyfor his preferred jobs.

He is likely to find that even in the type of job he wants (whatever that is he will find that there areaspects of the job he doesn't enjoy or finds tedious.

He is behaving like a sulky teenager.

I'd suggest that you stop enabling him.

Stop paying anything towards his debts.

Stop paying for his gifts for his other child, stop paying for his entertainment or pocket money. Stop applying for jobs for him.

Start asking him to pay his way. Make clear thatyou expect him to come up with 50% of the rent and household bills. If he isn't prepared to work thenmaybe he should start considering what he owns that is his, not yours, which he can sell.

If you chose to let him live with you without contributing financially that itis up to uou - I hoope that as a bare minimum he is doing houework, sharing the care of your child, and making other non-finacial contributions.

It's reasonable for you, as his partner, to help and suppot him is he is struggling against issues outside his control, but he isn't. He is simply lazy and letting you support him.

One thing I wouldsuggest in particular is that you stop paying anything at all towards his debts. Put that money into savings.