Will my partners finances affect getting a house?

MissTigger

He isn't working as he is very picky on the type of job he will do, no shops etc which is highly irritating. He does look after our daughter however not for me to work as I don't return until October. I seriously hope he has a job by October, and I'm not worrying too much about childcare as we are very fortunate enough to have both sets of grandparents who have voiced that they are more than willing to take our child for several shifts a week. I plan on returning to work part time, maybe 28 hours which would just about pay rent and bills, and give me plenty of time with baby. I'm just annoyed that I'm the only one saving for our child and saving for a house and he isn't making much effort. I'm also paying for all of his presents for his sons birthday (from previous relationship) which are from daddy, but that's another story..

Jennifer_Eccles

Yikes, do you think you would be better off on your own without this man-child?

Jhoney_2

YasmineA90 wrote: »

He isn't working as he is very picky on the type of job he will do, no shops etc which is highly irritating.

I'm just annoyed that I'm the only one saving for our child and saving for a house and he isn't making much effort. I'm also paying for all of his presents for his sons birthday (from previous relationship) which are from daddy, but that's another story..

I'm all for supporting a partner when circumstances change beyond their control, but being picky while you slog and save away is not acceptable and will build resentment.

As for the presents plural, you need to stop enabling him and he needs to get his priorities straight. No money to contribute at home = no presents or ONE present.

I would also do a spreadsheet of all extra payments contributed on his behalf (household, savings, his half for the baby, other random expenditure for his son to be offset from any shared equity as and when he gets a job, or which should otherwise still be returned in full.

If you don't, he may be quite happy to ride this gravy train as far as it can go...

benbenandme

Please read back your posts - there are so many red flags coming through ... please don't think I am being rude, I don't mean to be, but can I ask what he does bring to your relationship and also why did his previous relationship fail?

We all have preferences over the type of wok we would like to do, however, when you have a young family surely you go and do whatever work is available to provide for them? Please be careful, you are enabling him to live the life he's choosing - sponging off you basically. Your child needs to be your priority, he should be making you both (and his other child) his priorities but it seems he's choosing to place his own happiness higher

MissTigger

I agree with your comments and have said this to him before, however his argument is that if he works in a place that makes him unhappy or stressed he will become depressed, stressed and start to slack and not turn up, which he did in his job he had when we met. Since then I'm the one looking for jobs for him and applying for him and it's not good enough. I'm determined to get us a house and carry on and do the best I can for us but your all right I need to stop funding things I shouldn't.

benbenandme

It sounds as though you both have fundamentally different attitudes towards work / money etc, I truly hope you can sort this as it will lead to resentment if left x

lynz68

I'm sorry but he is taking you for a mug as long as you allow this to go on he will not work. Give him a time limit to find a job he likes and failing that he either gets any job or gets out. Sorry it's harsh but you need to toughen up.

Can you really afford to go back to work part-time if he isn't working?

Cakeguts

YasmineA90 wrote: »

I agree with your comments and have said this to him before, however his argument is that if he works in a place that makes him unhappy or stressed he will become depressed, stressed and start to slack and not turn up, which he did in his job he had when we met. Since then I'm the one looking for jobs for him and applying for him and it's not good enough. I'm determined to get us a house and carry on and do the best I can for us but your all right I need to stop funding things I shouldn't.

I don't really know how he knows that being unhappy in a job will cause him to get ill. This is like saying that if he works in a job that he doesn't like he will get cancer? Depression is an illness. You can't know in advance that you are going to suffer from an illness because you don't like your job. Not turning up has got nothing to do with depression. In fact depression gets worse if you stay at home all day doing not very much.

If he is telling you this about jobs he is on the edge of lying to you. Makes me wonder what else he could be lying about?

KRB2725

YasmineA90 wrote: »

I agree with your comments and have said this to him before, however his argument is that if he works in a place that makes him unhappy or stressed he will become depressed, stressed and start to slack and not turn up, which he did in his job he had when we met. Since then I'm the one looking for jobs for him and applying for him and it's not good enough. I'm determined to get us a house and carry on and do the best I can for us but your all right I need to stop funding things I shouldn't.

Loads of people are unhappy in their jobs, but when you are an adult and especially when you are a parent, you have to suck it up and get on with it.

I would tell him that he doesn't have the luxury of picking and choosing, he has 2 children to support.

HappyMJ

YasmineA90 wrote: »

I agree with your comments and have said this to him before, however his argument is that if he works in a place that makes him unhappy or stressed he will become depressed, stressed and start to slack and not turn up, which he did in his job he had when we met. Since then I'm the one looking for jobs for him and applying for him and it's not good enough. I'm determined to get us a house and carry on and do the best I can for us but your all right I need to stop funding things I shouldn't.

If he's not willing to do anything to acquire cash to support his family then make sure...as you're not married...that the house and mortgage is totally in your name and do not get married.

Do not let him contribute to the mortgage and do not let him carry out DIY projects on the house. He can and should do all the housework but don't let him do any improvements or he may get a beneficial interest in the property. Let him contribute no more than half of the bills if he can but make sure it's never more than half or it will be implied the excess was to pay off the house.

What I would do is pay off the mortgage with all excess income that you have so your emergency fund (of about 3 months pay) does not increase. The 3 month emergency fund should almost never be used....it's not for grocery shopping...it's for boiler replacement and unexpected home maintenance costs.