Abandoned Car on Overgrown Front Garden

moneyistooshorttomention

Ozzuk wrote: »

If this is impacting your mothers quality of life then maybe she would benefit from counselling to discuss ways of dealing with external events out of your normal control.

I doubt that suggestion would go down at all well with OP's mother. Willing to bet her first few words would boil down to "Why should I spend time and/or money having counselling when he is the one with the problem?" and I'd agree with her personally.

Basically she has two choices;
- deal with him
or
- just put up with it

and we'll all vary as to which of those two options we personally would take.

Ozzuk

moneyistooshorttomention wrote: »

I doubt that suggestion would go down at all well with OP's mother. Willing to bet her first few words would boil down to "Why should I spend time and/or money having counselling when he is the one with the problem?" and I'd agree with her personally.

Basically she has two choices;
- deal with him
or
- just put up with it

and we'll all vary as to which of those two options we personally would take.

'He' doesn't have a problem - she does. You can let the way other people live their life bother you or you can let it flow over you so it doesn't, not easy hence why I suggested counselling.

It really depends how much this is impacting her as I said (note, impacting her, not him). If she can't change his situation she needs to change hers, its not rocket science.

spadoosh

dirty_magic wrote: »

Would everyone saying mind your own business have the same opinion if they lived next door to someone like that? It brings the whole area down and it makes it difficult to sell your house if you live next door to a dump.

Sadly I don't think there is much you can do, but I completely understand why your mom isn't happy about it.

I do live next door to someone like that. They never ever cut their hedges, mine look all nice and perfectly square then it just goes to a straggly mess. He hates gardening (doesnt mind cutting his grass though?!). I asked if he minds if i cut his hedges to appease my OCD tendencies when cutting mine, he never has an issue with it.

Then theres the people at the end of the street who like chilling on a sofa in the front garden listening to their shocking music collection.

Then theres the young couple 4 doors down, guessing its a first house as they seem all out of sorts with maintaining it.
I was very happy when none of the above complained when i had a smashed up wall and bathroom in my garden for 6 months. Im happy that they dont complain that my dog barks. Im happy that they dont complain that i smoke outside my house. I guess their happy when i dont complain about their screaming kids or their too long grass. I bet hes well annoyed the way i keep my car (dont care about cars) whilst his is constantly being washed.


No screw that, live and let live. As long as you dont encroach on me (ill let your brambles come and play for a few days) there shouldnt be issues.

No one bothers me, i bother no one.

For me she has a few options.

Ignore it, nothing to do with her.

Speak to him, understand where hes at, offer to help if its something that he has no interest in or simply cba doing.

Carry on hating, im sure rob will not care too much and i doubt she can offer much more than a scowl and a tut under her breath.

Please tell her not to waste the police's time though.

System

What else does your mother do with her life?

Davesnave

Clifford_Pope wrote: »

What else does your mother do with her life?

Is that something you think the OP should share?

I think it's irrelevant.

sheramber

The house next to us was occupied by the sons of the owner when the marriage split up.

One son moved out and the other moved in a partner and child and then a dog arrived. It was shut out in the garden all day , in all weather with no shelter and only a cushion to lie on , as they were out working.

The grass and weeds were 3 ft high.

The garden smelled of dog wee and poo which was never cleaned up.

We couldn't enjoy our garden because of the overpowering smell.

Eventually, we reported it to environmental health.

They looked at the state of the garden and also called in the dog warden.

The result was six pals arrived and they all set too cutting down the grass and cleaning up the mess. It took them all day to do it and and they filled 30 black bags with it all.

The dog was no longer left outside all day and after a few months the partner, child and dog moved out.


RSPCA will not act if a dog has shelter, food and water. Only these three things are required.

Bossypants

Davesnave wrote: »

Is that something you think the OP should share?

I think it's irrelevant.

I think the implication is that someone who has a full life will have less time to be concerned with the actions of other people, whereas someone who doesn't will have all that time and energy to devote to obsessing over the oddest things.

I don't know what's going on in the mother's life of course, but having been on both sides I can say that the theory definitely bears out, but it's very hard to see when you're inside it. Sometimes a new hobby can really help to change your perspective.

luvchocolate

While I agree, the lady is in her 70's and may spent more time at home than younger people.
I have just retired and things can get to you more when there is time on our hands.
I sympathise and would hate to live close by such a neglected property.
That said the man in question may be struggling in other ways.

Davesnave

Bossypants wrote: »

I think the implication is that someone who has a full life will have less time to be concerned with the actions of other people, whereas someone who doesn't will have all that time and energy to devote to obsessing over the oddest things.

Yes I get all that, but somehow I don't think the OP is going to get a resolution by persuading his Mum to take up short mat bowls.

I do agree that obsessing over things is often linked to an unsatisfactory life, but not necessarily one which is devoid of activity. Looking back, I used to worry more about this sort of thing in middle age. Many older people come to realise it takes all sorts to make a world and they may have less concern about their property value too; after all, it's only the kids' inheritance!:rotfl:

moneyistooshorttomention

Ozzuk wrote: »

'He' doesn't have a problem - she does. You can let the way other people live their life bother you or you can let it flow over you so it doesn't, not easy hence why I suggested counselling.

It really depends how much this is impacting her as I said (note, impacting her, not him). If she can't change his situation she needs to change hers, its not rocket science.

Translation = just put up with it.:cool:.

I've often thought that "modern day" theory I think is total nonsense is the theory that "just alter your reaction to something = all is sorted". Huh? If that were the case then I'm sure the poor s*ds in Auschwitz or the like a few decades ago were as "happy as laurie" if they just "had the right attitude". Yeh...right....of course they were (not!). Oh boy....

If someone is treating you badly in some way that you havent deserved (whether through deliberate intention, selfishly pursuing their own personal agenda regardless or whatever else) then you are entitled to be aggrieved about it and try to do something about it.