Attitudes to cooking, cleaning, laundry etc

pickledonionspaceraider

lillibet_dripping wrote: »

.... and that is why I have been divorced and happily single for the past 14 years and have no intention of ever letting a man into my life again!!!

to be honest, that train of thought is going through my peer group with two of my close friends becoming newly single in their mid thirties this last 12 months.

the main issue for both was that, as the man had treated them so much like their mother, that had come back to bite them on the bum when the wife lost ''interest'' in him. You cant be treated like someones mother for 99% of the time and for the other 1% swing from the chandeliers. but to the men, it is all the womans fault of course, complete lack of insight

Andypandyboy

pickledonionspaceraider wrote: »

Looking around at others in my peer group I have notice that life is hard these days for women and our attitudes towards ourselves and other women in general are very demanding - whilst attitudes of men, and towards men, have not changed for some

Women are expected to
Have full time career,
all housework practices, cook clean wash iron gardening
main childcare responsibilities
organise the family day to day, lunches, then other events holidays etc
Be a goddess between the sheets, to a man who treats us like their mother at every other time,

Men are expected to
Work full time
Take full control of the tv remote

No wonder depression is at a high these days, we as women place far too much pressure on ourselves and each other

Perhaps their choice of men was not good. My peer group does not operate like that.

pickledonionspaceraider

Andypandyboy wrote: »

Perhaps their choice of men was not good. My peer group does not operate like that.

Yes I do realise not all men are like that, which is why I used the phrase 'for some'

No one knows what goes on behind closed doors though do they really. My ex, once jumped up to do the dishes when my parents had been round for a meal. My mum commented what a good un he was...and it was the first time my ex had done dishes since I had met him three years before. It is easy to put on a show of perfection in front of polite company to have others think you are the couple you want them to think

I was very young at the time, I have lived and learned since then

Andypandyboy

I think women put a lot of pressure on themselves. My experience is that men are less bothered about perfection in any area, and less bothered about the small stuff. Marriage should be a partnership, with delegation of duties to do with the home and kids worked out between both parties, and it should be a moveable entity. All the women I know well would settle for nothing less, which is as it should be.

pickledonionspaceraider

I agree men are less bothered about perfectionism in any area, some many are quite happy to walk past an overflowing bin/bowl of pots/washing basket full of clothes, without apparently noticing they even exist.


I myself would struggle to relax when any of the above were there

and that there may lie the issues. Different standards and expectations lead to resentment.

Andypandyboy

pickledonionspaceraider wrote: »

I agree men are less bothered about perfectionism in any area, some many are quite happy to walk past an overflowing bin/bowl of pots/washing basket full of clothes, without apparently noticing they even exist.
And that there may lie the issue

I myself would struggle to relax when any of the above were there

and that there may lie the issues. Different standards and expectations

I agree, I wouldn't relax if that was regularly happening, but I don't think that is a necessarily just a male trait. Again, it is all about communication and knowing what each other can tolerate and where the limits of toleration lie. If there is a willingness to please and respect for the other party then everything can be worked through and compromises made.

pretz_2

I have to come at this from my view I'm 30 and live very much to these high expectations. My partner and I have 2 girls, work full time, have 3 dogs, our own home, after school clubs, competitions, west end performance runs as well as running to our oldests step daughters gigs and finally writing blogs and filming vlogs but we do still manage to grab some me time. I must say I'm not boasting but I feel these are the things families are loading onto their lifestyles now. Although our house is run like clockwork everyone has there tasks and know where they need to be and when they need to be there.

Our house is spotless at all times but this comes from my dad's military background and our home when I was a child was always sparkling, however when I used to go stay with my mum I remember her house was always a mess and now my sisters home who my mother brought up is just the same and sometimes I do wonder if we are the odd ones as many of our friends and families homes are chaos. I do have to say the way we live is tiring and hard work but we as a family love it and it works for us, I wouldn't have it any other way and that's what I think is important and if it works for the family unit and they enjoy their choices then who's to say it's wrong.

suki1964

I have my niece coming to stay for an idefinate period and my sister said " don't let her be lazy, give her housework to do "

I replied Seeing as I don't do housework, why would I make her "

My husband feels like we live in a tip. I say move out if you don't like it

25 years on, we still muddle along.

I'm proud to say I've never poisoned anyone yet

Goldiegirl

One of the threads I've never quite got my head around is the 'fly lady' thread.

I did look when I first joined the board, but it seems a huge amount of housework - I'd never have time to do all that, and I'm retired with all the time in the world! If any one did all that, their house would be perfect, and they wouldn't need do all those things, day in, day out.

I can't cope with that level of structure for housework

Also the title fly lady tends to imply housework is women's work

Another thing I've struggled with are blogs. It seems everyone has either got one, or reads them. Is the blog market saturated yet?

Callie22

pickledonionspaceraider wrote: »

I agree men are less bothered about perfectionism in any area, some many are quite happy to walk past an overflowing bin/bowl of pots/washing basket full of clothes, without apparently noticing they even exist.

I wonder if it's the case that men are possibly less bothered but also that they're less likely to be judged on a messy home, a ready meal or crumpled clothes, so it doesn't occur to them that these are things to worry about? I'm as much of a feminist as the next person but I do think that women have a lot more pressure put on them by society (and other women ...) to fulfill certain domestic roles and meet certain domestic standards. It might be the twenty-first century but the whole 'perfect housewife' movement just feels like something that's been created simply because it's impossible to achieve for a majority of women - and it's that exclusivity that makes it desirable.

Blogs don't really help either. I read quite a few (mainly because I'm a nosy beggar ) but I think people forget that they are very heavily edited and very selective snapshots of people's lives. People think that a blog is somehow more immediate and therefore more 'truthful' but the money and business-savvy behind some of the bigger blogs is mind-blowing, especially some of the US ones. Again it's almost always about marketing - buy this product, buy my e-book and you too can have a picture-perfect life ...