Bridesmaid Etiquette

georgie262

Next year, I will be bridesmaid for a very dear friend. I have only really known her 5 years though so I am not in her 'main group' of friends by main I suppose I mean largest, I know them but not particularly well. The Maid of Honour is her oldest friend from school who is also not in her 'main group'
I set up a WhatsApp group with the other bridesmaids so we could chat (there is 5 of us in total) and plan the hen Party. Me and the other bridesmaids have thrown a few ideas around on the group but the maid of honour is just not getting involved. I’m very conscious of stepping on her toes as I have been told that she is quite sensitive but the wedding is only a year away and I want to make sure we the hen party really special for my friend.
I’m slightly older than the others early 30’s and they’re in their mid-late 20’s so I’m conscious that there will be people who will have extra responsibilities and would prefer as much notice as possible. I’m just worried at the lack of engagement from her MOH and have been told that she is prone to be very flaky for example, she didn’t come to my friends birthday party with no notice and I know my friend was excited about it as she said it would have been the first time all the bridesmaids would have met each other. Any advice?

KRB2725

Maybe you have already stepped on her toes by setting up the group? If she's that sensitive then she may have felt it was her job to do it.

I would send her an individual message saying you're keen to help make it a really special event, but don't want to encroach on her MOH duties. Ask her if she wants any help with getting info on anything and see what response you get.

Personally I don't get all the touchiness that there is around weddings and who does what, but I know from experience that many people do!

psychopathbabble

Just send her a private message and ask if she has started planning the hen do already as you don't want to step on her toes but you have seen some good ideas etc. Also, you need to give everyone as much notice as possible to ensure a good turnout for the bride, so if nothing else, you need to arrange a date. See what she says. Good luck!

TBagpuss

I think it is fine for you to contact the MoH as emmathews suggests. It may be that she feels, given the wedding is still a year away, that it is not necessary to tart planning just yet, but you could, once you have established contact, suggest that you try to agree a date for the party (particuarly if there is any suggestion it should be a weekend rather than a single party)

A year in advance seems an awfully long time to me - I don't think I have ever been on a hen do (even one which involved overseas travel) which was planned that far in advance.


If MoH is flaky then be a little cautious about taking on too much, particularly in terms of agreeing to let your credit card / name be used when booking things, unless you have already got money up front from the other maids or

tea_lover

A year?? That really is a long time to plan anything.

firebird082

A year in advance does seem quite early to plan the hen do - my friends were quite suprised when I got them to agree on a date 6 months in advance! Send th MOH a message - she's probably horrified at the thought of organising anything and will be glad of your offer to help!

onlyroz

Shouldn't the bride have some input over the hen night? And a year really does seem like a long way in advance to plan something like this.

burnoutbabe

maybe needs planning if you are going abroad? (to save up etc)

but for a normal night out/overnight stay in the UK? Far too early!

susancs

We had similar with a MOH who was the oldest friend and very laid back. The bride said she was leaving the "hen party" up the the MOH. Luckily she left it until a few months before the wedding as the bride had to have an unexpected operation and a week abroad etc was out of the question. we ended up having a couple of days away in the Uk and had a fab time.

I am sure where ever you have the hen do your friend will have a fab time. It also seems as if the MOH has known your friend for a long time and will probably have a good idea what she would love best.

Plenty of time to get the ehnd do organised. A friend at works DDs gettign married in December and the hen do abroad is being organised now.

Jagraf

I don't think I could fulfil the role - I would probably start thinking about it the week beforehand!

I spoke to my bridesmsids about what I would like to happen and they just organised what I wanted.

Already it sounds as though this poor moh is getting a reputation - shes probably busy op x

gettingtheresometime

I'm a pretty laid back person but when someone has entrusted me with organising a special event for them i pull out all the stops.

Whilst I appreciate that it's a combined effort, with the moh taking the lead, I would be naffed off if I was being hassled now with a year to go.

A lot can happen in a year so I think you need to chill abit