[Viewer discretion is advised] Recovered addict/financial advice needed!

sooty&sweep

Hi

I just wanted to say you need to forgive yourself & move forward.
Yes you've made some mistakes in your past - who hasn't ? But you've got yourself clean & you've stayed clean !
Be really proud of yourself because it can't have been easy !
OK, you nearly relapsed yesterday but you didn't !! Again be really proud of yourself !!
You are learning and finding ways to stop yourself succumbing to drugs. It will never be easy and you will have bad days but you are proving to yourself that you can and will get through them !
You say that the old you doesn't deserve this money but the new you does !
Your dad left you that money because he believed in you ! You need to start believing in you !
He knew you'd made mistakes in your past but he also knew you'd learnt from them and with his help you are capable of moving on in your life !
Get financial advice on the best way to invest that money for yours and your children's future but be really proud of yourself because you've clearly come a long way !

Big Hugs

Jen xxx

Mojisola

Its_Mollydog wrote: »

... from speedballing the heroin and crack I bought today. Her intervention saved me. Those drugs went where they belong, down the toilet.

sooty&sweep wrote: »

OK, you nearly relapsed yesterday but you didn't !! Again be really proud of yourself !!

Yes, be proud - this is a huge step along the way of recovery - you actually had the drugs to hand but instead of taking them, took another action.

You did throw the drugs away after talking to the Samaritans but it was you who chose to phone them rather than take the drugs - that required such strength and resolve, take the credit for it! :T

Its_Mollydog

To all of the people who have given your kindness and advice. Your words are appreciated. The past few nights, I have found comfort from writing down what is going through mind. When I spoke about becoming emotional in my last page. I had written down much more, which I chose not to submit.

A person with problems like I have, does not belong on here. Only by chance from looking up bank account reviews - was it, that I discovered this website.

This evening after work. I went to Asda and purchased myself a journal. For the last two hours - what is playing on my mind has filled the empty pages of the journal.

The relief from emptying my thoughts is refreshing. The pain feels less and my mind feels free again. If down the road, I need further advice. I will know where to call.

Many thanks,

XoX

FBaby

You have the best tool to fight to get better, your thinking. You are able to process information and make decisions that will help you. You need to cherish this as your mind, however tempted it is to take you the wrong path, is also your best friend to fight it as is time.

Do you get the opportunity to speak to women going through the same battle than you, or who are over their battle and leading the fulfilling life they fought for? Would that help too?

Any activity that helps you in using your overflowing energy in a positive way is going to be good. Writing is a very powerful tool so very pleased you find this works for you.

Just think that when you get to the other side of it, you will be so incredibly strong mentally and emotionally, very little will then get in the way to accomplish what you set yourself for and will be an amazing role model for your children to prepare them for adulthood.

Mojisola

Its_Mollydog wrote: »

A person with problems like I have, does not belong on here.

If down the road, I need further advice. I will know where to call.

You can see from the variety of threads on here that people ask for help on a range of problems - you belong here just as much as anyone else.

The journal sounds a very good idea but sometimes getting other people's views on an issue can help - it can stop your own thoughts from going round and round without getting anywhere.

Good luck with your future. It would be hard enough coping with the death of your lovely supportive Dad without your other problems.

NewShadow

If that is the case, you need to NOT discuss it on the forum and simply use the report function to let the forum team know.

You can report posts, threads, and messages.

hazyjo

Just turn off your private messages. Job done.

Night

Jx

beckysbobbles1

It seems like people have already given you the advice I was going to give.


I honestly believe writing things down helps to clear the mind. I used to write a very personal blog and I found it comforting for people to read it and provide support. However, it does leave you very vulnerable so be careful if you do choose to do a blog.


The idea of a cat sounds great too. Someone to be there when you get home. You clearly love animals from your job so this would be ideal.


I also find exercise to help so much. You may not be motivated to exercise but after you do, I'm sure you'll feel the benefits.


I really hope you realise how strong you are being.

unholyangel

Its_Mollydog wrote: »

To all of the people who have given your kindness and advice. Your words are appreciated. The past few nights, I have found comfort from writing down what is going through mind. When I spoke about becoming emotional in my last page. I had written down much more, which I chose not to submit.

A person with problems like I have, does not belong on here. Only by chance from looking up bank account reviews - was it, that I discovered this website.

This evening after work. I went to Asda and purchased myself a journal. For the last two hours - what is playing on my mind has filled the empty pages of the journal.

The relief from emptying my thoughts is refreshing. The pain feels less and my mind feels free again. If down the road, I need further advice. I will know where to call.

Many thanks,

XoX

Please don't feel that way. Everyone has issues, and your issues probably aren't even be drug related - they're just manifesting themselves in that way. You belong just as much as the rest of us.

Your previous post of the difference in your appearance struck a chord with me. I have family who turned to heroin and when they were on it, they were thin, selfish and could be quite nasty at times. They've been clean several years now and I am so proud of them because I know how hard it is not to give in - i watched them battle their addiction as I was growing up. But now, they've filled out, looking healthier and they'll go out of their way to do things for you even if theres nothing in it for them. They're completely different people off it, they're back to being the family members I remember from my childhood.

Instead of focusing on having a moment of weakness, what about focusing on the long period of strength you've had not to give in? You really do need to give yourself credit - you had the drugs and you chose not to take them and to destroy them instead. That is a huge feat and shouldn't be downplayed by a temporary moment of weakness.

Try and focus more on the positive side and hopefully it will help lessen the frequency or intensity of your low moments when you might feel the need to use again.

As for the kids, I don't think you've said so far (apologies if you have) what contact you have with them. Do you send birthday/christmas cards/presents or get visitation with them?

skint_chick

I found a journal very therapeutic after a bad break up with an abusive ex. We all have our issues, and all have a right to be heard. MSE is certainly a great place for financial help, but as well as online advice you should request a referral for one on one counselling from your GP, and consider joining a support group. You might want to consider a rescue cat as pets are amazing support. Are you allowed to write to your boys? It might be useful to start writing them letters even if you can't send them yet just to tell them about the good memories you have of your dad, things you did together etc. It will help you grieve in a good way, while preparing to build a relationship with your children. You might also want to consider a creative writing course or art. I've worked with recovering addicts and people with mental health issues in the arts and cultural sector and finding a hobby to focus on is important. You need to find yourself again and figure out what you want your life to be, and if writing works for you then maybe you could expand on this?