[Viewer discretion is advised] Recovered addict/financial advice needed!

Its_Mollydog

This posting is going to feature talk of my previous drug misuse. Please please please click away now if you are not comfortable with reading anything of such nature.

At the end of last year my father passed away. I was the sole beneficiary of his will, receiving a substantial sum of money. Along with his property. His last request was for me to get my life back on track. Regain custody of my children and to make him proud again.

Going back seven years this August. My children were taken into custody by social services. My neighbour could hear my children crying for a long period one night, and after a while decided to call around. Getting no response, he called the police. They forced entry to my property and discovered me overdosed on a bad batch of heroin.

Prior to that fateful event, my heroin use in my own mind seemed normal. I was convinced I was in control and everything was safe. After the care order was made on my children, my heroin addiction went into free fall.

My habit was on average £100 per week. My habit was so severe, I collapsed every vein I could inject in. After the veins collapsed, I was injecting straight into muscle. This misuse went on for years until I was found face down in the gutter vomiting blood from an internal bleed.

After being released from hospital, I was taken to a local rehabilitation centre. They assessed me and I was placed in residential rehab. After leaving rehab, I relapsed a month later and was placed back in.

After the second release from rehab, my father took me in. He was my rock, helping me through the fight. My battle with addiction was finished. My life was back on track. I started a job as a vetinary assistant and was working towards getting my children back.

After my father passed away, I must admit to losing my motivation. Up until now, I have stayed clean. The problem I am having is with this money. The money needs to be set aside for my children. If I have the money put away for them, it will show along with all of the other changes I have made to my life that I am serious about being their mother again.

The pressure is taking its toll on me. Tonight for over an hour, I talked with Samaritans. The kind lady recommended me to look online at bank accounts to put the money in for my children to keep my mind away from speedballing the heroin and crack I bought today. Her intervention saved me. Those drugs went where they belong, down the toilet.

It has dawned on me how therapeutic writing my problems down is. I have been unsure for almost an hour about submitting this due to the nature of my life before. But I need help choosing the best type of bank accounts for my children.

The person I was, did not deserve to receive such precious gifts. They deserve better than me. If they grow up without me, they will eventually discover what a failure I was. Turning the other leaf, their grandfather was a good man. The money he left belongs to them. He wanted the best for them. With or without me that money will enable them to become better people than I ever was.

FBaby

I don't have any experience of drug abuse, so can't provide advice, but from what you say in your post, it sounds like you've come a very long way to where you were, and not that far off from indeed getting your life back on track and doing what your father so desperately wanted you to do.

You manage to avoid a big downward fallback last night, so you need to hold on to that. It was a warning signal to how vulnerable you still are, but at the same time, that you do have the strength to battle on.

Your last paragraph is concerning as it sounds as if you are frightened that what you went through last night will happen again and this time, you won't manage to turn it around. Your post sounds like a cry for help, is there anyone from your the rehab team who you could contact? Alternatively, can you go to your GP, a crisis response team? Please go and speak to the people who know how to help you. Your children need YOU, not the money.

NewShadow

Its_Mollydog wrote: »

The person I was, did not deserve to receive such precious gifts. They deserve better than me. If they grow up without me, they will eventually discover what a failure I was. Turning the other leaf, their grandfather was a good man. The money he left belongs to them. He wanted the best for them. With or without me that money will enable them to become better people than I ever was.

Practical suggestion only.

If you feel you can't trust yourself with the money, consider setting up a trust for you and your children with strict instructions for the trustees.

With regards regaining custody, you choosing to do this would show me you are aware of and willing to mitigate against, your 'demons' voluntarily and plan for the future.

Your local health centre should also be willing to offer weekly appointments with a nurse as welfare checks, and you should consider some form of ongoing group support if you aren't already.

Feel free to keep us updated here, or not, as is best for you.

harrys_nan

I haven't any experience of drug use, but I really want to encourage you to keep talking to the Samaritans and post on here as often as you want.
You know you have a problem and are doing everything you can to stay on track so A big VERY WELL DONE.
As regards the money, put it into a trust, lock it in until your kids are at least 18/21.It will be a great nest egg for them and takes any temptations away from you.
It will be a hard road for you to walk, but your mindset is good so I wish you all the very best, stay strong

easilydistracted

OP as the other posters say I would make sure you get some emergency help with your grief to prevent relapse given the progress you've made.

On another note, is it quite a lot of money? If so I would seriously think about getting some legal and/or financial advice about exactly how best to lock it away. One thing that hasn't come up so far is that if you did get to a point where you wanted to discharge the orders on your children or they were in some other family proceedings, they may have to pay their own legal costs. It may also affect access to other means tested services though I don't know the scope of that. I would definitely make sure this angle is covered before you make arrangements.

Advice would also address how your children would be able to access the money and at what age and with what conditions. I have known a lot of people who have managed to blow through significant money at a young age with nothing to show for it but their own substance issues. Good luck with it all

AnnieO1234

Oh OP I just want to give you a hug right now.

Get the funds into a trust, with specific requirements on withdrawal of funds that must be counter signed by a friend or relative.

Do you have anyone close to you who you could talk to?

Have you been taught any coping techniques? That might be going and kicking the !!!! out of a punch bag, running round the streets, writing... It can be anything but it has to work for you. Your GP should be able to signpost you to organisations better positioned to advise you on things like that.

If you want my view, if you were able to get through all this when dad was around and you were able to hide things from him, well you can't hide them from him now. He'll be watching in some way or another. Irrespective, you want your kids to be sat with you one day maybe when they've got kids of their own and tell this amazing story of how you turned your life around.

As random as it sounds I would get a pet, or I would talk/write to dad, or even God whatever floats your boat; it will give you an accountability that no one will be able to take away from you. Friends/workers/family can become too much, they can make things worse for the best of intentions, I would try to find something even if it was just memory of dad (if you truly can't believe he's gone on to something else).

Hugs honey.

Xxxxxxx

hazyjo

Chosen to delete.

sweetilemon

Well done for acting on your father's wishes and taking control back of your own life. With the money, it can be locked away for a 18th/21st birthday but depending on the amount it's maybe best to seek advice from a financial advisor.

This is your chance to show your children you have turned your life around. Do you get supervised contact? That may be something to have as a first goal as it would give you a chance to see and chat to your children. Rushing things won't help you or your children so just take everything a day at a time and have a goal each day to keep you focused. What age are they? Building a relationship with social services can help you focus on the best path for the best future of your children. It's all progress and it will get easier.

TBagpuss

Talk to a lawyer about the money. One option may be to set up a trust to allow a property to be bought for you (and for the childre to visit, and to recieve once you are gone)
I *think* (but take advice) that this would enableyou to have a secure home without being deprevation of assets for the purposes of benefits should you need to claim them.

You could also put any additional fuinds into a discretionary trust with you and your children as the beneficiaries so that you could acccess income (and if you needed it, capital) but would have a 'buffer' to reduce the cahnces of you being able to use the money for drugs in the event of a relapse.

I would be careful about locking it up too tightly - you do not want to paint yourself into a corner where you can't afford to (say) get urgent, privately finded help if you need it, or where you end up strugling to pay bills and relapse under the stress.

If you are still using at present, have you considered whether a short term stay somewhere like the Priory might help you? It's very expensive, but would allow you get support nad help fast, and you might find that a short term break from your fmailiar surroundings, other users atc might be helpful. I am fairly sure that somwhere like that would also be able to tailor support to you, to include grief counselling etc if you need it.

Even if you don't think that would be useful / suitable, then talk to your doctor and any support workers you have about other forms of support - if you can afford to pay to see a counsellor you may be able to see someone sooner and more frequesntly, so you can tailor it to you needs, rahter than to waiting lists and limited public funds.

I would be wary of trying to lock the money away for the children so you cannot access it at all - once done, that can't be undone, and financial stress and the risk of homelessness might easily trigger relapses for you, so do look at options which let you balance your current a future needs, as well as the wish to provide for the children and the wish to stop yourself wasteing the money.

Financial security (beyond being securly housed as oppsoed to homeless / couchsurfing) is unlikely to be of very much relavance in terms of convincing a court or social services that the childnre should be allowed to return to you, so if you need to spend the meony in order to get the help and support you need, that is likely to be more efective in getting them back, or getting to see more of them.

Good luck.

Robisere

Unless someone has gone through the same problems as yourself, I don't think we can understand what kind of hell your past was like.

The nearest I can come to any idea, is what happened to me after I left the Army and left behind a family, thanks to being ejected by my ex. Leaving my kids was the worst experience of my life and I started drinking. I had a great job and I managed to hang on to it, but the drinking got worse. I was a mess, and then I met the lady who has been my wife for almost 30 years. She saved my life, no other way to present that. That happened between losing my dad and my mum.

I had the same kind of dad that yours appears to be: he stood by me through some rough times, whilst mother wanted me just gone. I remember his last wishes for me and I have tried to live up to them.

That is why the only real advice I can give you is to remember what your dad said to you. Write it down, or print it out and frame it if you can, so that you can look at it every day and let those words give you the strength to keep going. In your relationship with your children, if you can get close enough to work hard to earn their trust and respect, ask yourself: what would dad have done? How did he do this, with me? That is what I did, with my new family. I tried hard to forget my past, although my first family is always there at the back of my mind, they are lost to me in another country and have been for years.

That's about the best I can do mate, I feel for you and I hope you can continue as you are, making your life better. Just stop recalling all the bad stuff, this is a new time for you, make it better. I wish you all the very best.

Detroit

Staying clean long term is very hard, and often those who are successful achieve it by replacing their drug of choice with something else that gives them comfort and pleasure.
The loss of your addiction will have left a big gap in your life, and you have lost your dad on top, so are probably feeling very empty.
Hopefully in the longer term a return to parenting will fill the gap, but, until then, could you maybe use some of the money on experiencing some of the other things life could offer you, such as travel, study, whatever you feel may give you pleasure?
I know you'll probably feel you don't deserve it, but your goal of staying clean is very important and difficult, and if it helps would be worth the investment.
As others have said, your children need you more than money, and to get a happy healthy mom would be priceless.
You showed amazing will power to flush the drugs, and were absolutely right to talk to the Samaritans who are fantastic.
I wish you health and strength.