Travelling with sister who earns more than me

Hemera

I admit I'd feel the same in your position, it might not be the most honourable feeling (even if I am happy to buy a friend a drink, I don't think it's fair to project expectations on other people - it's their money after all), but I can't help myself...

I suggest that you make a rough plan for your trip and budget accordingly, if you haven't already - research how much admission is for museums and other attraction you might be interested in, the price of transportation and make an estimate for meals. Of course, keep that within your budget, and politely explain to your sister that you cannot afford to spend more, so other visits and activities that are not planned and budgeted for will be off the table. I think this could work in reducing awkwardness.

Then again, if after this clarification she decides to sit down for a lucullan meal while I'm having a sandwich with a glass of water, I'd probably be annoyed (I'm not saying your sister would do this, but but I've had this happen to me before )... but at least I wouldn't feel guilty about that :rotfl:

Georgiegirl256

jojeba wrote: »

To missbiggles: Sorry, I'm not being clear am I. I meant she said "oh I have xx amount to spend a day [a large amount] but that is way more than I'm gonna need". I wish she wouldn't say things like that because then I find my inner child thinking, "so couldn't you at least shout me a coffee?" Because from my side, I would shout her coffees left right and centre, (for instance). But this is not so much about her being "tight" - because her money is her business, regardless how I like to share mine - It's how to deal with feelings or resentment or disparity in finances when you have a sibling who is more well off than you. I don't like feeling this way and wondered if anyone else has experienced something similar.

Re the bit in hold above, you don't know that she won't yet, you haven't even gone on holiday yet.

I think your sister is wise taking more than she's going to need. We always take more than we need just incase and end up bringing a lot of it back, but better to be prepared and have extra just incase. Surely though, you've budgeted to have enough to adequately see you through the holiday?

As for feelings of jealousy and resentment, I don't think anyone can really offer advice on that, that's something you are going to have to work through yourself sorry. If you can't, then maybe you shouldn't be going on holiday together?

krlyr

Control in life what you can. You cannot make your sister choose to treat you, or change her salary, or her outlook on money.

You can, however, control what you spend. If you can't afford to treat her, don't. When the bill comes, get your phone calculator out and work out your half, you already know she has the means to pay for her own, so don't leave the option of anything else.

Why not make it clear to her before the trip that you're on a budget - then if you find you've had a day that cost you less than you budgeted, perhaps you found a free day out that was unexpected, you could choose to treat the pair of you with the money you saved, but just don't make a habit of it - especially if you think she's not going to say no to continuous freebies, or reciprocate the offer.

krlyr

It's also one of those things - lots of people don't even consider that their friends or family may be counting the pennies, if they've not had to do it themselves. To you, the issue of paying for two coffees (or maybe even one!) is a big deal, that may have a domino effect on the rest of your holiday. To her, it's just a fraction of her spending money, she probably doesn't even think twice before ordering, let alone after having had the coffee. Don't think of it as a problem with her attitude - it's just different experiences in life.

DigForVictory

Family. Money. Holiday.

Still dynamite.

However, you cherish family, so to get through this without sororicide, Talk to the Woman.

About budgets, about taking it in turns to get bladdered & who carries the other back, about not running off with the glorious young waiter (unless he has a twin brother), about all the little pesky details of being on holiday (as unless you are both on the Pill, someone will likely be caught at the wrong time of month - more to plan around) & what you really want to see & do in one of the most experienced countries at parting visitors from their money (legally & illegally - read up on fending off pickpockets & where the consulates are - if you don't need it, odds on you'll meet someone who does).

You may not want to plan day by day nearly hour by hour but if there are things you really want to do or see, then you will definitely need to talk. After how may hours queueing will you abandon plans to see X when you were then going on to see Y.

A near Top Trumps situation where each activity rates Q points, so you can sacrifice seeing one thing so she can see her thing but next dilemma, she owes you extra points is an arithmetic nightmare (especially in the heat after an overpriced ice cream) but it may be the only way to be certain you both get to see what you really want to fairly.

You are both adults, but both of you will have to have at least 30 minutes privacy, mental & physical a day. Plan that in & a lot of arguments can be stepped past.

Also bombproof your finances so your "holiday wallet" & if necessary holiday phone/SIM are sorted.
Hoping you have a wonderful time!

Jagraf

In my experience in all things family, go with "lowest possible denominator" in all decisions so that everyone is comfortable. We book an extended family weekend every year - high income through to low income, and always choose something everyone can afford.

Jagraf

krlyr wrote: »

It's also one of those things - lots of people don't even consider that their friends or family may be counting the pennies, if they've not had to do it themselves. To you, the issue of paying for two coffees (or maybe even one!) is a big deal, that may have a domino effect on the rest of your holiday. To her, it's just a fraction of her spending money, she probably doesn't even think twice before ordering, let alone after having had the coffee. Don't think of it as a problem with her attitude - it's just different experiences in life.

This is my brother - quite wealthy and one of the kindest, loveliest people I know. Yet he has no concept of other people's budgets. So people either turn him down or take advantage.

PasturesNew

My sibling earns more than me, but we work well together financially as I just ignore it when she wanders into a shop and comes out with a £80 skirt I know she'll never wear, then into the next one to spend £70 on another picture that'll never get hung.

For food I don't notice when she's randomly buying expensive bits and bobs along the way - and when it comes to eating out we just go into "nice looking pubs" and I pick what I can afford and she buys what she wants. We both pay for what we had.

No resentment, I don't "notice" her overspending vast sums on things she'll never really use/need and she doesn't notice that I buy nothing.

It's never an issue.

We'll take it in turns to drive, the one who isn't driving usually pays for parking.

There's no envy/jealousy... I do wish I could "participate more" and do more things, but I don't mind that she can buy what she wants on a whim and I can't. All possessions are clutter really aren't they .... and that fudge will be going on her 4rse

Kayalana99

I've had a quick glance through but not seen anyone mention this, just because your sister has more money than you - why does she need to treat you?

She earns her money so she can afford to go off travelling or doing the things she wants - you have made difference choices and don't have that luxury but why should she sub you so you can? I have friends that earn 4 times as much as our household income but when we go out would I expect them to foot the bill? of course not. They swan off travelling to everywhere and anywhere but do I resent them? Of course not. Am I a tad jealous? Yes but who wouldn't be?

I've made different life choices and have a husband and 2 wonderful children whilst they have gone to Uni and worked hard at their jobs so they can do these things.

You need to let go off this "they have more money so they should help me out more" thought that's going round in your head. Perhaps consider asking your sister for a small loan that you can pay her back?

I've been brought up to find my own way and can never understand people that think because they are blood-related and someone has more money then them that they should be helping them out. Different if you are verging homeless and ask for help - but to help you with travel costs? Just pay 50/50 and do what you can afford.

FBaby

Are you making the mistake to jump to conclusions? Maybe if she has more daily money to spend, it's because she's spent the last 2 years saving for it? Maybe that's why she considers that she is entitled to spend it all on herself?

That doesn't mean that she might not be prepared to pay for a few things though, you don't know that.

The thing is, if indeed she's been more careful with her money and that's why she can afford more, but feel your resentment for it when she thinks you don't as much because you've been less savvy with yours, then I can't see things going well as she understandably might end up quite resentful back.