Do you think it's appropriate for a married man to buy a single woman gifts?

Stripeybat

It's weird. It's very weird.

Also... if he's been buying 'Ann' gifts, where are all the gifts Ann might be giving him? I can't imagine a friendship/relationship where one is giving lots of gifts and the other *never* reciprocates. In that case, assuming it wasn't mentioned by his Mrs... we can assume if there are gifts given by Ann, the wife isn't being told about them.

There's something very different between a few gifts to a friend/co worker and the apparent obsession with finding the perfect gift at all times. It was the matchmakers 'because she likes them' that stood out to me. That's something a lover would do, not a co worker.

For the male perspective, I asked my OH what he thought of this. His opinion was that there's nothing wrong with giving gifts to single friends or co-workers if it's for an appropriate reason or an event where everyone would be giving her gifts too - so to say thank you for doing a favour, or a Birthday etc. But searching for the perfect gift when on a romantic break away with the wife? Odd. He also pointed out if a male friend was giving me frequent gifts for seemingly no reason, he'd get the right hump :rotfl: so, there's that!

Another thing that seems odd... If indeed, there is an affair going on why is he buying gifts for this woman in front of his wife? You'd think he would be doing a better job of hiding it than that. Could it be a crush? Or perhaps he's deliberately doing it to make his wife jealous?

Either way... I wouldn't like it. Sorry, no. I'd be livid if I was this man's wife

NBLondon

Georgiegirl256 wrote: »

The problem comes when it becomes a regular thing, such as going out for a cake and only buying one for the one person, and not for all the women in the office. It definitely smacks of favouritism.

Yes - and what do the other women in the office think?

Also, people talk, and I wouldn't have wanted to be the talk of the shop.

Definitely! I was once suspected of having a fling with a colleague. Evidence a) we often arrived at the office around the same time and the first one in would make two coffees and leave one on the other's desk b) she had the same first name as my wife and someone overheard me say "X wants to go to such and such a restaurant so I might surprise her on Friday" meaning of course I was taking my wife somewhere new.

Out,_Vile_Jelly

I receive (generous and thoughtful) gifts from my two married male bosses at Christmas. Anything more regular would seem odd and would make me uncomfortable.

It's impossible that this has gone unnoticed in an office full of women, and this unsubtle favouritism may create difficulties for "Ann". If she really does work harder than colleagues, this should be noted and go through HR in the form of an official bonus or job review. It's really unprofessional of him to keep giving presents and puts her in a difficult position.

gabriel1980

Sounds pretty clear that he is either already sleeping with her or planning to, and that previous women he gave a lift home to - definitely slept with her.

duchy

The morning cake thing seems the oddest part of this to me. It certainly won't have gone un-noticed and even if he is too self absorbed to notice you can bet Ann has .

My ex was chased for months by a girl in his office- offering him lifts to work (we had one car at the time), making him coffee, asking for help collecting her grandmother's piano. I warned him she had a crush and she could make trouble. On a work trip he got beer goggle drunk (his description not mine) and slept with her. Was he at fault too -yes - but did she manipulate the situation -yes of course she did. When I threw him out- she offered him a room -and told him she was happy with a friends with benefits situation (which she clearly wasn't -she wanted them to buy a house together "purely for investment" to live in). He was so oblivious he took it all at face value until he got together with a new partner at work and this girl caused so much trouble - playing the "dumped"victim and making trouble for them both (even got the new girl onto a round of redundancies as she had pals who felt sorry for her in HR) and did damage short term to my ex's career. It was a horrible mess and completely avoidable if he hadn't taken everything at facevalue but he was clueless -wrecked his marriage and nearly lost his own career over it.

An extreme example maybe and I'm not saying Ann is as much of a biatch as Andrea was - but inappropriate actions within workplace friendships should raise a red flag and in the OP's situation I'd be making sure I was introduced to this woman - It's a case of keeping your enemies closer - and making sure they are very aware that the marriage is happy and you are very much together as a couple. Of course the OP may meet Ann and discover she's not interested in her husband at all and isn't comfortable with his over-friendliness but doesn't want to hurt his feelings. Either way if she removes the mystery of this woman by meeting her she's likely to feel less threatened by this odd friendship.

BucksLady

Without wishing to sound unkind, this guy sounds like a real 'Ladies' Man'. His wife has had issues with the way he's behaved in the past and today is no different. That's because he will never change. I'm afraid I couldn't cope with a husband who behaved in this way.

paddy's_mum

If the wife is unhappy or uncomfortable about this, it should stop simply because he ought to be avoiding causing her hurt or worry.

It's called being concerned and considerate of the one you love.

bluelass

I think ANN is a lover not just a friend.
And he says she is a poor single mum I would be happy to bet he is giving her money to live on too.

Person_one

duchy wrote: »

The morning cake thing seems the oddest part of this to me. It certainly won't have gone un-noticed and even if he is too self absorbed to notice you can bet Ann has .

My ex was chased for months by a girl in his office- offering him lifts to work (we had one car at the time), making him coffee, asking for help collecting her grandmother's piano. I warned him she had a crush and she could make trouble. On a work trip he got beer goggle drunk (his description not mine) and slept with her. Was he at fault too -yes - but did she manipulate the situation -yes of course she did. When I threw him out- she offered him a room -and told him she was happy with a friends with benefits situation (which she clearly wasn't -she wanted them to buy a house together "purely for investment" to live in). He was so oblivious he took it all at face value until he got together with a new partner at work and this girl caused so much trouble - playing the "dumped"victim and making trouble for them both (even got the new girl onto a round of redundancies as she had pals who felt sorry for her in HR) and did damage short term to my ex's career. It was a horrible mess and completely avoidable if he hadn't taken everything at facevalue but he was clueless -wrecked his marriage and nearly lost his own career over it.

An extreme example maybe and I'm not saying Ann is as much of a biatch as Andrea was

All of that sounds like it was totally your ex's fault, to be honest. She didn't force him into bed, no matter how much she fancied him. Its easier to blame the 'other woman' sometimes but its the men who decide to sleep with them.

Lunar_Eclipse

I think in these circumstances the man's behaviour is very odd. I struggle to believe there are no romantic feelings involved.