How best to manage my son's finances?

nightsong

Hi everyone, I hope you can give me some help on this -

My son is 32 and physically disabled. He is getting ESA support group, DLA, Housing Benefit and I have just applied for Severe Disability Premium for him.

I have Lasting Power of Attorney - both health and finance.

Although he has capacity, he is pretty hopeless about managing his money and frequently gets into debt. He is well aware this is a major problem and wants me to take at least some control of his finances. This would save the endless situations when there is not enough dosh in his account to pay the phone bill and I end up bailing him out while he fritters cash away like there's no tomorrow.

So - what is the bast way for me to do this? Do I ask for his benefits to be paid to me, or do I get control of his bank account somehow? Since we have a long history of problems getting his benefits sorted out, I am drawn to the bank route if it's possible, but don't know how this works ...

Advice much appreciated!

Stevie_Palimo

You could open another account and filter money into it on a weekly/monthly basis depending upon what suits you both.

HappyMJ

nightsong wrote: »

Hi everyone, I hope you can give me some help on this -

My son is 32 and physically disabled. He is getting ESA support group, DLA, Housing Benefit and I have just applied for Severe Disability Premium for him.

I have Lasting Power of Attorney - both health and finance.

Although he has capacity, he is pretty hopeless about managing his money and frequently gets into debt. He is well aware this is a major problem and wants me to take at least some control of his finances. This would save the endless situations when there is not enough dosh in his account to pay the phone bill and I end up bailing him out while he fritters cash away like there's no tomorrow.

So - what is the bast way for me to do this? Do I ask for his benefits to be paid to me, or do I get control of his bank account somehow? Since we have a long history of problems getting his benefits sorted out, I am drawn to the bank route if it's possible, but don't know how this works ...

Advice much appreciated!

If he's willing then he can ask (not you) the people that pay his benefits to pay the benefits into your account then you can pay his monthly, quarterly and annual bills and pay him the remainder of the money back to his current account each week in equal amounts so that he has some spending money.

He has to willing though. If he won't allow it then you can't force anything on him.

You can get power of attorney over his accounts but there will be nothing stopping him from asking the bank to withdraw the lot at any time.

I would open a new current account in your name so the money credited to the account is clearly his and not mixed up with your money.

nightsong

Thank you both. Yes, he is willing - in theory at least.

I don't actually want total control over his money as I'm still hoping to encourage more financial responsibility (if anyone has any thought about that I'd be glad to hear them!). On the other hand I want less of the having to bail him out.

Savvy_Sue

HappyMJ wrote: »

I would open a new current account in your name so the money credited to the account is clearly his and not mixed up with your money.

Depending on what the son's issues are and how he gets into trouble with money, it may be simpler (and certainly clearer) for the OP to be appointed as an additional signatory on accounts, able to deal with bills, see statements etc. But the money remains identifiably the son's, and he retains full access to it.

So if the problem is that he sees £300 in there and thinks "Great, £300 to spend" rather than "Gosh, only £300 and it's got to last until Friday week and the rent's due on Monday, not much change from that", then my suggestion is not a lot of use.

If knowing that Mum can see where the money is going is a help to him, and if he's willing to work with her, then it should work well.

Confuseddot

I agree that two bank accounts are the way to go with set amounts being transferred each week for his spending.

Sit with him and go through the bills and agree on amounts to put in each account and encourage him to change the amounts if his bills go up or down.

Savvy_Sue

If you go down the two accounts route, it may be worth opening them with completely different banks.

That way, he doesn't have to remember that this (eg) Santander account is for bills, and that Santander account is for spending.

Although a Santander a/c may be a good one to look at for the bills - paying them by DD gets a cashback payment, and if he can build up a buffer in there the interest rate is pretty good too.

Ames

Part of the problem could be benefits being paid four weekly and bills being monthly.

nightsong

Thank you everyone, lots of useful advice here.

The issue of "capacity" is an interesting one. Theoretically he is capable of understanding money management but compared to his sibling he lacks real insight. I have in the past tried "tough love" and just not bailed him out (after telling him this is what I was intending to do if he overspent, of course). Didn't make any difference and I ended up buying him food since I wasn't willing to let him starve to make a point ... maybe he was calling my bluff? I don't know.

Yes, the fortnightly/four weekly nature of benefit payments, compared to the monthly payment of bills, is a complete pain and definitely makes things worse.

Sounds as if two bank accounts is the way forward, with a clear demarcation - one for bills/saving and one for spending. And more effort from me in helping him budget.

Failing this we'll have to look at benefits being paid to me I guess, but try the two bank accounts route first.

Thank you all, you have helped me clarify my thinking and see the way forward.

I love MSE

Ames

Instead of a bank account for spending a pre pay card might be better?

If you do open a bank account make sure it's a basic one that can't have an overdraft facility.

elle_may

Every thing you have said is the same as my son. He has learning problems and we agreed that i should manage his money that goes into his current account and pay his bills, i do this online.

Because he does not like asking for his allowance every week we opened another basic bank account, he can use his card to withdraw at ATM's with Barclay's that does not have a overdraft and he can only spend what i put in. This gives him a sense of independence and i don't have to worry about him getting into debt. We also decided what day it would go in and that is his payday every week.

Over the year's i have tried every thing like you, and this is what work's best for us. People do not realize that even he is a grown man he still needs help with finances .Barclay's were very good when we both went in and explained he was a special need adult and that's why we needed another account.