Order of service and Flowers - necessary cost or luxury

mum2one

My father passed away last week, I've ended up taking the role of executator, on, my mum can't cope with the role.

Moneywise - he has a small insurance policy, unlikely to cover the costs, I'm in the process of trying to get a funeral grant, .... now he passed we've been told that my mum will be entitled to pension credit, so now to get a funeral date before I can apply for the grant...

Order of service........ Is this a necessity... or a luxury.

.........
Researching around, some off ebay - come in at £70 for 50, but the mse side of me.... had a wonder around Vistaprint - can use a brochere as the base - and self design, they would come out ok as an order of service, rough cost for £50 - be £40.

.....

Flowers....
Another decision was family flowers only (mum, myself and my daughter), if I had DAD - thats around £150 - without spray off mum...

Would it look really tight if I did a spray of flowers myself - we said we didnt want to leave the flowers to wilt - would want to take them to the hospice.

...
Please dont think I am being tight, We're struggling with costs...

Torry_Quine

I've never done an order of service, its entirely optional. The spray of flowers by you sounds lovely.

Savvy_Sue

We paid way less than £150 for flowers, both times. If you want to take them to the hospice, then simple arrangements / sprays are probably best. If you've got time, go and see a few florists and see who you like the look of.

Ours incorporated some of the same flowers Mum had had in her wedding wreath for Dad's arrangements. And she added knitting needles and wool to Mum's, to make it very personal.

Afterwards Mum took two of Dad's arrangements home with her, and we did the same with hers.

Order of service: we did pay to get ours printed by the funeral director, but if you've got the time and the confidence to make a good layout then a diy job would be fine. It would be worth wandering into a few copy shops, if you have any locally, to have a feel of the different kinds of heavyweight paper or card and finish you might use. You may find they're not much more than Vistaprint, and you'll have the reassurance of getting some advice, and getting them professionally folded - some cards can be difficult to fold accurately.

I proofread Dad's order of service very carefully, probably drove the printer mad with the miniscule changes I wanted - but he'd been in printing, and it had to be RIGHT!

kingfisherblue

So sorry to hear about your dad. It's a tough time for you, especially as you are supporting your mum too. Worrying about money and costs just adds to stress. I would do what you feel most comfortable with, alongside with what you can afford.

We made our own Orders of Service for my dad. It was quite easy, just a folded A4 sheet, printed on both sides. For MIL, we didn't have them. We used the church hymn books and service sheets. Either is quite acceptable.

Flowers were several small pots of flowers, placed in the shape of a cross on top of Dad's coffin. Afterwards it was easy to transport them to a local care home, where the pots were given to residents for their rooms. The cost was minimal.

For my MIL, I bought a bouquet from Morrison's, which was put in her church. A month later, it was still alive and in reasonable condition. Morrison's cut flowers last ages and are not expensive.

Pollycat

I'll add my condolences.

When my Dad died, we didn't have an 'order of service'.

We just had a nice flower arrangement from Mum & us siblings & grandchildren with a request for donations to Dementia UK if anyone wished.
I can't remember how much it cost, but personally I'd have been happy with just a spray of flowers like you mention.
I always think it's such a waste to see elaborate flower arrangements at a funeral (but maybe that's just me).

Do what suits you and your Mum.

Magnolia

My deepest sympathy to you and your mum.

When my dad died we didn't have an order of service either. Flowers were simple sprays that cost about £40 each. My dad would have spun like a top in his coffin if I had spent £150 on one floral display (tight Yorkshireman!). The flowers in an arrangement such as 'Dad' will wilt and die by the end of the day.

Its a day of remembering so don't worry about what is right or not - you do what you feel is what your dad would have wanted. xx

Faith177

Firstly I'm sorry to hear about your dad and thoughts go out to you and your family

We didn't have an order of service for my mum last year didn't seem necessary really

I did print off one of our favourite photos of her looking really happy and made that bigger and we had that on top of the coffin and we had a memory book and I made a collage of all pics of my mum with little stickers for things she liked so a camera, plane ect and the board was in her favourite colour for the wake

We only did flowers from immediate family as my mum hated wasting flowers (she use to go and buy up all the ones on reductions at the supermarket she worked at, at the end of her shift so they didn't miss out on fulfilling their jobs lol) we asked for donations to the RNLI instead as it was a charity very close to her heart.

We had a single bright spray for the coffin from the family and then me and my brother had a camera made of flowers (we lost our dad very young) and my OH had a minion made but again that was our choice we probably didn't need them tbh but we wanted to do something.

Don't think you are being tight at all it's about you and your family and what you want and anyone who thinks different well it's nothing to do with them

The hospice is a lovely idea they would really appreciate it. I know my nan gave a lot of the flowers we were sent to the chapel of rest in the hospital where my mum passed away and they were over the moon with them

Mojisola

mum2one wrote: »

Would it look really tight if I did a spray of flowers myself

Please dont think I am being tight, We're struggling with costs...

Anyone who comes to the funeral and makes judgments about how you've done things - well, their opinion isn't worth worrying about.

Everyone should be looking to support you, your mother and the rest of your family - that's what's important.

missbiggles1

When my husband died last year I did the order of service myself with a photo and the poetry readings on it, laminated so people could keep it if they wanted. I told everybody no flowers and just laid a spray of roses and sprigs of rosemary from our garden on the coffin as I led the way out.

andi2

We had orders of service printed by the student's union copy shop at the local university - worth seeing if they have one & getting a quote X

TBagpuss

order of service - print your own, if you want to have them. They are not essential

Flowers - do what you would like. A big arrangment saying 'Dad' is likely to be much more expensive than a simple spray or wreath. (I had a wquick look - raths seem to be around £35 - £40 so you could chose to have a single wreath - a single wrath on the coffin for the ceremony will ook nice and I don't think anyone would see it as 'cheap' - more that it is elegant and restrained.

if you and you mum each want a separate wreath, or if you give a wraeth and she has a spray of lowers that would still probably be in the £60-£80 range rather than £150!

Arranging the flowers via the funeral directors will be more expensive than doing them yourself.

If you wished, there is no reason you could not buy your own flowers and arrange to meet the funeral director to put these on the coffin before the service.

You can ask people to donate to a charity your dad supported rathe than giving floers if you want, ior if you would be happy for people to give flowers then don't say anything and let them do so if they want.

I'm sorry for your loss, and you are not being tight at all. The funeral is first and formost to help comfort you and your mum and other immediate dfamily, and to let you say goodbye to your dad. It's not about how much you can afford.
I can't imagine he would have wanted you to get into debt or for your mum to struggle financially to have a big show, and no-one who cares about you or him will be judging you.

Was your dad a member of any local groups? If so, it may be worth asking whether they have any discretuionary funds and whether they ould help with anything. (either finacial,. or practical, such as providing or helping with tea and sandwiches after the funeral if you want to be able to ask people back. If he / you / your mum were members of the church they might also be able to do this)