Order of service and Flowers - necessary cost or luxury

mum2one

no.1swimmum wrote: »

I am so sorry for your loss, and just wanted to say you are doing a wonderful job of not only supporting your Mum but taking some of the stress away from her at what must be a very trying time.

I have never had to deal with a parent passing on, only grand parents, but following DH heart attack last year, we have now discussed this in great detail, amongst ourselves and with our children. We are both of the felt that a small floral arrangement is more than sufficient, and in our cases we would ask there not to be any more but if family and friends would like a donation to charity in our names, sometimes the funeral director can collate this and send on to the charity chosen.

I wouldn't worry to much about orders of service, but at my uncles recent funeral, his family printed out some on their computer/printer onto card, and had the loveliest picture of him on the front. I wouldn't see the need to spend extra money on this if your can't print them yourselves why not go with those available at the Church /chapel.

Thank you, hope DH is going on ok after his heart attack, Were lucky the funeral director is doing all the collection of monies, one less thing to worry about.

Without sounding morbid, what my mum has done is arranged the details for her funeral - hymns, music, family flowers, donations she has said - split between 2 - related to what she would die of and dogs. She logged a copy with the funeral directors and a copy with her will.

There is no legal standing with either more an advisory - it will take some pressure off x

kingfisherblue

My parents also planned everything, which made it so much easier when my dad died. My mum is fortunately still with us, but we know her wishes and chat about them every now and then (such as when MIL died - mum said it was a relief knowing that we have already discussed her wishes, and chatted again about hymns and donations).

My daughter knows my wishes too, although I'm hoping to live another 30+ years.

meritaten

You arrange the funeral to suit yourselves and the wishes of the deceased.
If you want an 'Order of Service' and have access to a computer - you can DIY it! or if you prefer 'Vistaprint' it.
Flowers - I have seen some specify 'Sprays or Posies only as they will be taken to Old folks home afterwards'.
it is quite acceptable to send your own home-tied flowers.
(can I suggest you look on YouTube? there are some really good videos on how to do very professional looking bouquets etc).
Aldi do gorgeous seasonal flowers - I often make up a very presentable bouquet from about £5 - £10 worth of their flowers - plus a roll of cellophane off Amazon - I think it was a couple of quid for two really long rolls). What! stores do the pull-up bows or Amazon do too.

My condolences - its a really awful time - but I actually found it comforting 'Doing' things FOR the person and helping out.

lobbyludd

dear M21 - I am so sorry for your loss, my mum died very recently and her funeral was a few weeks ago so I have some knowledge of the things you are going through. ((hugs)) if you want them.

My mum loved flowers but always said flowers were for the living, and was generally appalled by the cost of funerals. So we said family flowers only and anyone else could make a donation to the hospice she briefly stayed in if they wished to. My step dad and brother chose baskets that would look lovely when taken away and not "funerally". I went to tescos and bought tulips (£3) and a mixed bunch with irises (her favorite plants) and white roses (she was a yorkshire lass ) (£5) and greenery and bluebells from my garden. I made a vase of tulips, bluebells and Irises, the boy grandchildren took a white rose each to lay on her coffin and the little girls put flowers in jam jars and carried them to the church.

This was my gift to her, and if anyone thought it was cheap they certainly didn't have the gall to say anything, and I wouldn't have cared if they did. In fact, everyone said it was lovely, particularly the granddaughters with their jam jars (she was an avid W.I. member).

we had the order of service printed by the funeral directors but it was no better than being done at home -we just didn't have time to organise that properly.

the funeral is for you, your mum, daughter and other close family - expense doesn't prove love or respect - so arrange it in whichever way you most feel comfortable.

74jax

I typed the order of service and just printed them myself. Did about 40 copies and people could share.

We didn't have any flowers, we put his woolly hat and walking stick on to of the coffin.

I wrote the service, eulogy, and read it out.

We did it very cheaply, but exactly how dad would have wanted it.

mum2one

We've sorted a photo for the service .... Checked it out back in 1992, 1st time we tried scrumpy jack cider xxx

mum2one

Another day of phonecalls, - despite my to-do list, I still found extras to ring...

Quick update - main bits

Funeral grant - weve applied for that, but its all up in the air as at the mo mum doesn't get pension credit - applied for that should - should get some help/

Water - they never got the original documents back, so have filled in details over phone and there resending everything.

House Ins - That was the simplest call to make as policy was in joint names, just taken dads off.

Homeserve - that was in dads name - kinda expecting it to be sorry cancel and replay, no they were really helpful, the policy stays in force - but shows as pending closure (Jan when in finishes) then in Jan, there re-quote - there treat me as a new customer - get intro discount (will shop around)...

LIfe Ins - The hassle I have had trying to get this sorted - depsite being executor (as named in will - not as thou its a fortune - not enough for funeral) - got to ring again 2mor.

...
As for family - think was more shocked than anything - my uncle has early on-set of dementia (early 80s), his wife (my aunt) has decided that her son should be power of attorney etc - rings me up 2day - how does she go about power of eternity and can I do a list with telephone numbers of everyone that I have contacted so it will be easier for her son (he's about 50, grown up kids).... thought it says it all.

It sounds daft but you register the death I know they do a 1 for all etc, but if you were given a sheet with suggested contacts - you can work throu it at your own pace and then decide whether you need to contact or not.

xx