Order of service and Flowers - necessary cost or luxury

gwynlas

Hi mumtoone, I've been wondering how you were. Sorry to hear of yours Dads passing though you seem to have had him longer than expected.
Funeral and wedding flowers are commercially hyped way beyong actual cost of material though I accept florists costs.
For both my parents cremation, we just had floral cross on the coffin from all of us with small posies from grandchildren. My mother always said 'it was better to give flowers to the living rather than the dead'
If you are not religeous then this could take the form of a spray arrangement which could be passed on. For my grandmothers burial I had three red roses which were buried with the coffin and there were a couple of wreaths on the grave. On all occasions charitable gifts were made. Order of service is personal choice if you feel abl to then design and print your own.

susancs

Mum2one, I am so sorry for your recent loss.

When my father passed away last year, we did the order of service (Roman Catholic funeral) and emailed it to a local printers to have it printed up, once it was approved by the priest. It wasn't a necessity, but a lot of people did take the order of service away with them. Luckily we had a few extras as some people who attended the reception of the body into the church the night before and could not attend the funeral asked if they could have a copy.

My father loved clocks and the grandchildren wanted a clock wreath and to do it themselves. We ordered the round oasis base from ebay and got some bunches of white crysants from the local florist and some stick on black numbers and black foam for the hands from hobby craft and a printed sash from ebay. Under £30 for the wreath. We did order other wreaths from the florist, but probably could have made them for a fraction of the cost.

mum2one

Thank you everyone, my man always use to say but me flowers when I'm alive not when I'm dead....

We have got sorted, the funeral director was amazing m, no hard sell for anything, as for paying he said not to worry, he will get everything sorted as best as he can.

...
Flowers - there's a florist nxt dr, the last came in and showed me some photos her prices were really great, sent some photos to dd so mum could see what she liked or not....

We've opted for a rose and freshia round spray purple and lilacs- that's £40, off me and dd we've gone for a posy, with red roses, pinks and white flowers - £40 - we can take them with us - the lady said they wouldn't look too small just right on the coffin.

Gone for order of service - a basic one - printers owned by the funeral - were using them.

We've got a date for next Thursday - last slot - so grabbed it otherwise we were looking in after 8th June xx

SevenOfNine

I did the order of service for our son myself & a small local printer did 50 on nice heavy card for £15.

Donations instead of flowers raised £2300 for our chosen charity, though we did spend a lot on flowers from ourseves & closest family members, burt TBH what better tribute to your loved one than to raise money to help others. You've made a good choice - just do what YOU are comfortable with.

I wrote the eulogy myself straight from my heart & just told the Minister to read it, he didn't mind a bit & did a great job. His boss offered to read her own contribution, which touched us greatly, & our other son & his wife shared the reading of a poem.

I made some of the little cards that accompanied our flowers myself & also attached some beautiful poems to them. On the coffin I had a photo of our son as a toddler & a recent one.

Make it all about love, not money.

Yorkshireman99

SevenOfNine wrote: »

I did the order of service for our son myself & a small local printer did 50 on nice heavy card for £15.

Donations instead of flowers raised £2300 for our chosen charity, though we did spend a lot on flowers from ourseves & closest family members, burt TBH what better tribute to your loved one than to raise money to help others. You've made a good choice - just do what YOU are comfortable with.

I wrote the eulogy myself straight from my heart & just told the Minister to read it, he didn't mind a bit & did a great job. His boss offered to read her own contribution, which touched us greatly, & our other son & his wife shared the reading of a poem.

I made some of the little cards that accompanied our flowers myself & also attached some beautiful poems to them. On the coffin I had a photo of our son as a toddler & a recent one.

Make it all about love, not money.

Absolutely the right thing to do. The crucial thing is to do what you and your family want and ignore those who tell you otherwise. When my mother died ten years ago she asked for the most basic funeral with only a few close friends invited. I got some criticism but once I showed them the detailed instructions she had given it all evaporated and several people told me they were going to follow the example.

pollypenny

I remember when my in-laws died and older members on my side it was always the service books which were used.

A printed order of service is a comparatively recent thing, well 20 or so. They also seem to have become more detailed and showy.

No one would think you tight to use a service book or print simple ones yourself. Simple flowers are often the best, too.

jackyann

Sounds lovely. I have to say that I do like an order of service (or similar) but don't mind how simple it is.
I keep them as a reminder about the person.

PasturesNew

Order of Service, I suggested "don't need that", but was advised that "it gives people something to grip onto" .... we had some made the first time .... next time we made our own.

Flowers - they are a HUGE expense. We had to do it really the first time; second time we made our own.

Gettingtherequickly

Sorry for your loss. When my dad died, we stipulated no flowers, donations to a charity close to his heart. However, bearing in mind that burials in Ireland are mostly within 3 days, we decided that we couldn't let him go with nothing, so bought a simple spray, it was smart & dignified.

I watched a programme about "flashy" funerals on catch up the other night, the amount that was spent on flowers for one funeral was obscene. If the option is cheaper with dignity and respect or expensive & tacky, I know which option I will go for every time.

no.1swimmum

I am so sorry for your loss, and just wanted to say you are doing a wonderful job of not only supporting your Mum but taking some of the stress away from her at what must be a very trying time.

I have never had to deal with a parent passing on, only grand parents, but following DH heart attack last year, we have now discussed this in great detail, amongst ourselves and with our children. We are both of the felt that a small floral arrangement is more than sufficient, and in our cases we would ask there not to be any more but if family and friends would like a donation to charity in our names, sometimes the funeral director can collate this and send on to the charity chosen.

I wouldn't worry to much about orders of service, but at my uncles recent funeral, his family printed out some on their computer/printer onto card, and had the loveliest picture of him on the front. I wouldn't see the need to spend extra money on this if your can't print them yourselves why not go with those available at the Church /chapel.