Is it ethical to leave a 80 yr old lady on her own whilst going on holiday

margaretclare

onomatopoeia99 wrote: »

Think plenty of 80+ people would be rather miffed to be told they can't be left on their own!

Absolutely. Couldn't agree more. You took the words right out of my mouth.

Jagraf

Is this concern based purely on the fact that she's 80? My MIL is in her 80s, had a lodger, and goes on holiday more than us. I can't see anywhere that says the friend is the carer in an official capacity? If she needs help she asks for it from us, if we are away she manages the situation like a grown up .

hazyjo

Mojisola wrote: »

I think this is the main point - if a carer does need a break because the work is hard, then someone needs to take over the care.

If the cared-for person doesn't need any help for a week, being their carer can't be that stressful.

If the cared-for person does receive a lot of help, they shouldn't be left alone for a week.

My friend's mother also now has carers in. There were times in the past when her mother was left alone when my friend was on holiday. The OP's mother doesn't appear to have carers in so I can only presume in a better state of health than my friend's mum.


If they can look after themselves without a carer the majority of the time (presuming he works full time, may or may not be the case), then I presume they can cope with the evenings on their own. Are they really that alone - no other family or friends?


Jx

d70cw6

what's it got to do with you OP?

sheramber

My friend's mother is 92 a d lives alone. She travels by herself on the train to visit relatives.

Savvy_Sue

Guest101 wrote: »

the use of the word 'ethical' opens this debate up far wider than I think required.

Absolutely. One would have to ask 'is it ethical to expect a son / daughter to care for you 24/7 without a break?' Or making it clear - as hazyjo's friend's mother does - that she doesn't want to be anywhere else while her dd has a holiday!

Hermia

Mojisola wrote: »

I think this is the main point - if a carer does need a break because the work is hard, then someone needs to take over the care.

If the cared-for person doesn't need any help for a week, being their carer can't be that stressful.

If the cared-for person does receive a lot of help, they shouldn't be left alone for a week.

Not necessarily. The person might not need care, but may have their child running around 24/7 because they are lazy or like being waited on or have some other psychological reason for it. My friend's mum puts on the helpless act whenever she can because she likes controlling people and she doesn't want my friend having her own life. Occasionally my friend will get the courage up to have a break and the mother magically regains the use of her limbs!

Mojisola

Hermia wrote: »

Not necessarily. The person might not need care, but may have their child running around 24/7 because they are lazy or like being waited on or have some other psychological reason for it. My friend's mum puts on the helpless act whenever she can because she likes controlling people and she doesn't want my friend having her own life. Occasionally my friend will get the courage up to have a break and the mother magically regains the use of her limbs!

So she doesn't need care and would be okay left alone for a week.

Beckyy

That depends entirely on how the 80 year old is and what support they need on a day to day basis, if any.

If they did need care then either respite, or short term home care/services at home while son is away would be my first suggestion.