Realisation that I'll properly never have kids

rocketqueen

Thank you all for your response I shall read them all now xxx

LilElvis

Infertility sucks, and what often makes it worse are the crass, insensitive and sometimes downright rude responses (even from those you think are closest to you) when what you need is support and understanding. I was lucky in that I never confronted what my/our future would be without children - I just couldn't let it enter my mind as fertility treatment was draining enough without looking over the edge of the cliff I was teetering on. At 38 you do have options and only you know whether you think they are for you, but there are lots of resources online and particularly forums like Fertility Friends where you can speak to other women in your situation. To be honest the women I met online (and then in RL) were the ones who got me through five years with my sanity intact, and that's no disrespect to my long suffering husband.

I wish you well and hope you have lots of love and support, whichever path your journey takes you.

suki1964

Sorry fbaby I'm just about to put a spanner in the works



Tuesday tenor. I'm so sorry that" the never wanted children brigade" stories upset you, but you know, not everything is black and white and who are you to say our experience isn't worthy to be expressed?


I've said many a time over my years on here, children were never part of my plan, yet as I have gone through life changes, my thoughts have changed/ become confused.

Every woman can have an opinion,an experience to share. Just because it comes from one of the " don't want children brigade" is it really any less valid ?


Excuse me in advance if I've not expressed that too well. i don't mean to offend anyone

KxMx

I'm glad responses to the OP on the whole have been supportive.

I've no doubt OP only came to this conclusion over a long, long period of time, with a very clinical and realistic (NOT negative/ defeatist) look at her circumstances.

It's always nice to hear of others who had thought themselves childless then had a baby, but that's perhaps not what OP came here to discuss.

emsywoo123

FBaby wrote: »

What an honest, non-judgmental thread this is! Hope it helps OP.

It is now!! :rotfl:

Tuesday_Tenor

Eh???

suki1964 wrote: »

Tuesday tenor. I'm so sorry that" the never wanted children brigade" stories upset you

Where did I say this? I didn't!

suki1964 wrote: »

who are you to say our experience isn't worthy to be expressed?

Or this? I didn't!

I thought this was a thread about adjusting to childlessness when you had hoped/expected to have children. So I pointed the OP to another thread about being 'childless by circumstance' where this adjustment was a major focus, and so very relevant to the OP.

There are other threads about being 'childless by choice'. Here the focus is usually more on how to cope with other people's expectations that you will have a family, not on the emotional and mental adjustment to being childless when you had hoped to have children.

I never said, nor meant to imply, that contributions from someone like yourself, childless by choice but well able to empathise with the range and complexity of emotions around having/not having children, were any less valid than anyone else's.

rocketqueen

Thank you so much everyone for your thoughtful and honest answers.

For a while I was coping well with the knowledge that it would properly never happen now, I got a new job and was focusing on my career and where to go to next with that etc, but then it just all hit me again out of no where.

I think realistically IVF etc just isn't an option due to in part the financial strain and other reasons both for me and my partner.

Person_one - I didn't have counselling but did get a lot of support from some friends (you certainly find out who your true friends are at times like that) and my GP. Life is much better now then it was 2+ years ago, thank you for asking.

I think it will just take time and I'll never accept it 100% until I know it's impossible to have children, as even now every month there's a teeny tiny hope.

Thank you everyone.

Loz01

OP don't write yourself off completely, have you considered adoption or do you feel thats not for you? Sorry I don't want to be one of those people that posts a generic "why not adopt???" response but I just feel its such an amazing thing to do! Id love to adopt one day. I already feel too over the hill to have kids and Im 29 - people i work with keep telling me you can't really have kids past 30 so I better hurry!!! (I ignore this readily, I swear the odd person or two has had a child over 30 :rotfl:)

I guess for you the tiny bit of hope is a positive and a negative but I guess you can look at life and say at least you have your health, a job, a home etc. I know thats not exactly a consolation but it is something.

Newdirections

Hi

I can understand how you feel. Would it be practical to have a child now? (either by medical intervention or adoption/fostering etc.) Sometimes it's good to separate out 1) what is practical and within reach 2) What you really want. If you think something is potentially practical/within reach, then ask yourself, do I really want it? Only you can answer this question. I really wish you happiness.