Pet hate - being asked for a title

System

So no, title doesn't bother me. If a woman is married and receives mail as Mrs [husbands initial] [husbands surname], THAT bothers me. The woman's identity has been erased in those situations.

Yes that would bother me too. I have his surname but my forename is my own. I wouldnt kick up a stink about it though... Life is too short!

Person_one

coolcait wrote: »

Which illustrates the dilemma for the person who has just received a business phone call.

The caller has introduced herself as Barbara Biggles.

Does she dislike being called 'Barbara' during a business call - preferring to be addressed as 'missbiggles'?

Or does she dislike being addressed by a title during a business call - preferring to be called 'Barbara'?

The person who has received the call doesn't know the answer to those questions. But has the absolute certainty that choosing the wrong option will not end well!

If you're not sure just ask! Reasonable people are not remotely offended by being asked how they prefer to be addressed.

missbiggles1

coolcait wrote: »

Which illustrates the dilemma for the person who has just received a business phone call.

The caller has introduced herself as Barbara Biggles.

Does she dislike being called 'Barbara' during a business call - preferring to be addressed as 'missbiggles'?

Or does she dislike being addressed by a title during a business call - preferring to be called 'Barbara'?

The person who has received the call doesn't know the answer to those questions. But has the absolute certainty that choosing the wrong option will not end well!

I don't think you can ever go wrong by erring on the side of formality, particularly in a business setting. It's much easier for the person who prefers informality to say "Call me Barbara" than it is for the other one to say "I'd prefer to be called Ms Biggles".

coolcait

Person_one wrote: »

If you're not sure just ask! Reasonable people are not remotely offended by being asked how they prefer to be addressed.

"How would you prefer to be addressed?"

"Special delivery".



True story.

I still don't know if it was an attempt at humour, or a genuine misunderstanding.

pigpen

coolcait wrote: »

Which illustrates the dilemma for the person who has just received a business phone call.

The caller has introduced herself as Barbara Biggles.

Does she dislike being called 'Barbara' during a business call - preferring to be addressed as 'missbiggles'?

Or does she dislike being addressed by a title during a business call - preferring to be called 'Barbara'?

The person who has received the call doesn't know the answer to those questions. But has the absolute certainty that choosing the wrong option will not end well!

Why would you use any name???

If you direct the call to someone else you say 'Barbara Biggles on the line for you'

Why would you use their name during a conversation with them?? Do people use their partners name repeatedly while speaking to them? .. It isn't like there is anyone else on the line you would get muddled up with. With a conference call, you introduce yourself once and recognise voices after that to know who said what.. surely..

I very rarely use names unless saying something about another individual.. eg, I just messaged DD1 saying 'Alisons dress looked nice' .. but I have never called Alison by her first name when talking to her.

Person_one

coolcait wrote: »

"How would you prefer to be addressed?"

"Special delivery".



True story.

I still don't know if it was an attempt at humour, or a genuine misunderstanding.

:rotfl:

That's a bit brilliant.

toffee'n'tom

One post on here hit the nail on the head by generalising the sterotypes of Mrs. Miss and Ms. - funny :rotfl:

I don't mind having a title for formal situations/letters etc or asking for an eye appointment/view a house/buy insurance but I do think that, apart from professional titles, there should be only one for a woman and one for a man, whether they are married, single, divorced, separated. Mr. and Mrs. is fine for that purpose.

Dizzy_Ditzy

A few years ago I had to write to a woman who I'd addressed as "Mrs".

Few day later she actually makes the effort of ringing me to admonish me. She was a Ms amd not Mrs. She was incredibly offended and made me correct the letter and send it to her again.

Now, and ever since, if I don't have the title of the person I'm writing to, I address it to first name surname.

Personally, I don't care. I do get annoyed though when I am addressed with the ending in E version of my name when my name is the ending in A version :mad:

catkins

pigpen wrote: »

Why would you use any name???

If you direct the call to someone else you say 'Barbara Biggles on the line for you'

Why would you use their name during a conversation with them?? Do people use their partners name repeatedly while speaking to them? .. It isn't like there is anyone else on the line you would get muddled up with. With a conference call, you introduce yourself once and recognise voices after that to know who said what.. surely..

I very rarely use names unless saying something about another individual.. eg, I just messaged DD1 saying 'Alisons dress looked nice' .. but I have never called Alison by her first name when talking to her.

Quite a few people do keep using a person's name during a conversation though. It really bugs me as there is no need for it and it is annoying and silly

coolcait

pigpen wrote: »

Why would you use any name???

If you direct the call to someone else you say 'Barbara Biggles on the line for you'

Why would you use their name during a conversation with them?? Do people use their partners name repeatedly while speaking to them? .. It isn't like there is anyone else on the line you would get muddled up with. With a conference call, you introduce yourself once and recognise voices after that to know who said what.. surely..

I very rarely use names unless saying something about another individual.. eg, I just messaged DD1 saying 'Alisons dress looked nice' .. but I have never called Alison by her first name when talking to her.

That bears no resemblance to my experience in the workplace, on conference calls, or when talking to family and friend.

Thankfully, my workplace doesn't have that annoying policy where you have to address the caller by name at regular intervals

If we did have that policy, and you transferred a call to me simply saying 'Barbara Biggles for you', I would be straight into the dilemma I mentioned earlier.

Office policy demands that I say "Good afternoon, [caller's name]".

You haven't found out if the caller prefers to be addressed as Barbara, or ms/mrs/missbiggles, or Dr Biggles, or Mr Biggles, or her Serene Highness Princess Barbara of Biggles.

I have a split second to decide which option to go for.

If I get it wrong, not only might it lead to workplace unpleasantness, it might be the catalyst for the caller creating a thread on MSE. :eek:

From there, it is but a short step to the end of civilisation as we know it. :rotfl:


More seriously, I think that part of the problem is that English speakers tend to use Mr/Mrs/Ms/Miss to give the element of formality which some business contexts need.

If we had a formal 'you', like other languages, it would be a lot easier to show that formality without needing to use titles.