Getting married - no idea"

duchy

Gavin83 wrote: »

If someone buys something (car, house, TV, etc) we'll generally ask how much it set them back. Wouldn't in the case of a gift but I don't see weddings in the same category as gifts. If you do that's your call.

Besides, as I said we've only asked in one case and that was genuine curiousity because of the size of it. Every other case they've mentioned it in casual conversation. I'm not married yet but if when I do if a friend asked how much it was I wouldn't mind telling them.

Me and my friends just aren't that precious about money. I know what most of my close friends earn as well and vice versa. I'm sure not everyone is like this but it works for us.

Yes it's a very different social group-who earns what, what a house cost , how much a handbag, car <insert status symbol of choice> cost is way, way down the list of topics for my lot-we don't feel we have anything to prove. I can see why the cost of a wedding would be a much discussed topic in the sort of group you are talking about though. It's just another status symbol . I could guess what most of my friends earn but I wouldn't ask -in my circle that would be considered crass.

justme111

duchy wrote: »

Yes it's a very different social group-who earns what, what a house cost , how much a handbag, car <insert status symbol of choice> cost is way, way down the list of topics for my lot-we don't feel we have anything to prove. I can see why the cost of a wedding would be a much discussed topic in the sort of group you are talking about though. It's just another status symbol . I could guess what most of my friends earn but I wouldn't ask -in my circle that would be considered crass.

I do not see why you interpret talking about cost of wedding as need to impress. People who are close talk about things that important to them and cost of wedding bits and bobs is exciting topic for people who go through it. The whole websites are dedicated to it. No need to put someone down because they are different to you. For example , it looks to me like "your circles" are far more about being "better than others" in classing someone as crass and everybody trying to conform to "norms" and pointing out how "their circles" ' ones are different to others'.

AndyBSG

The average cost of a wedding in the UK is supposedly 20K nowadays.

Not sure I entirely agree with that, my wedding did cost in that region 2 years ago but we went to a very nice venue, paid for all drinks, etc.

Here's a list of just some of the things you need to consider and get prices for.

Wedding Rings
Registrar fee
Venue
Wedding Breakfast and evening buffet
Bridesmaid/Best Man/Usher gifts
Suit hire
Wedding dress
Bridesmaid dresses
Photographer
DJ/Band/Entertainment
Flowers
Invites
Wedding Cake
Bride Hair/Makeup

maman

Gavin83 wrote: »

I've only been to 1 wedding where I didn't know the cost

:eek:

duchy wrote: »

I could guess what most of my friends earn but I wouldn't ask -in my circle that would be considered crass.

At risk of sounding superior, mine too.:o


We might discuss general financial things like accounts with good interest rates or good insurance policies or what good value Aldi is;) but I can honestly say the only weddings I've ever been to where I knew the cost were my two DDs.

Gavin83

duchy wrote: »

Yes it's a very different social group-who earns what, what a house cost , how much a handbag, car <insert status symbol of choice> cost is way, way down the list of topics for my lot-we don't feel we have anything to prove. I can see why the cost of a wedding would be a much discussed topic in the sort of group you are talking about though. It's just another status symbol . I could guess what most of my friends earn but I wouldn't ask -in my circle that would be considered crass.

So you've never had a friend buy a car for example, you've said "I like your new car" and they've responded "Thanks. Was a bargain as well, I only paid £2k for it".

I can't really tell if your trying to look down on me in some way or if your just misunderstanding me. It's not about showing off or owning a status symbol. I don't really know anyone who has expensive stuff for the sake of it or to show off. I do know people who are into their cars for example so they own a expensive car, or someone who's into their music so they've expensive speakers but this is more about getting the best product they can for the thing they love than showing off to their friends.

It's hard to explain but it's not about being better in any way at all, it's just that money really isn't an issue for us. We don't get jealous about what others have or feel the need to show off, it's just a total non issue, like discussing what you had for dinner last night. I understand some people are probably more guarded and secretive about money and that's fine but I find people are happy to share that info as part of the general conversation and I'm happy my friends are so open.

I was best man at a wedding recently. When I was discussing it with my friend he said "We've had to cut this part of our wedding out, it's cost us £20k already and we can't afford anymore". I'm genuinely surprised other people don't have conversations like this, I thought it was normal.

I still think it's crazy to spend this much money on a wedding but clearly a lot of people do.

Former_MSE_Andrea

Congratulations gabriel1980!

Have you seen our 50 cheap wedding tips yet?

Thanks for flagging the weddings board up Pollycat. I've added the link in case you haven't reached it already.

clint_S

Gavin83 wrote: »

So you've never had a friend buy a car for example, you've said "I like your new car" and they've responded "Thanks. Was a bargain as well, I only paid £2k for it".

I can honestly say I've never had that. They might say "Thanks. Was a bargain as well, much less than it should of cost". The same thing is implied only money isn't mentioned. The same is with Weddings, you'll have the same conversation but instead of the "it's cost us £20k already and we can't afford anymore" it would be "it's cost us a fortune already and we can't afford anymore". If I'm honest your friend saying it's already cost £20k comes across as more of a boast about how much money he has and that he can afford to splash £20k on a wedding, which I personally think is rude.


When you have money it's easy to talk about money, when you don't you simply don't mention it. You can easily talk and discuss the same things with out actually giving figures. I don't have to know my friends car cost him £35000, he would never just tell me that unless I asked directly. He probably would tell me it cost a pretty penny, or I would ask him if it cost a bucket load of money, but the actual cost would not be mentioned.