How do I do this?

mark5

I think a lot of relationships run their course and just fizzle out, it's probably the Kids, mortgage, debt etc that keep them together.

It's probably not the fear of telling them but the fear of what's next and what if I realise it's a mistake when it's to late!

mum2one

R there kids involved, mortgage... Does the other person know how U .feel ? X

Peter333

Georgiegirl256 wrote: »

What happened to giving new posters a chance? The only post that is shameful, is no:2.

Peter333 wrote: »

I agree!

Georgiegirl256 wrote: »

Peter?? This is happening too often now! :rotfl:

:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl: I know. It's scary! :eek:

meritaten

Does your partner think everything is OK? but you are unhappy?
have you told them how you feel? have they taken that on board or do they ignore your feelings?
this is all relevant hun - because you haven't given enough information in your post.

Unsureandscared

He knows I'm unhappy and the reasons why but thinks I need to just let go of the past and get on with things.
I am having counselling to try and help with what's going on and to help me deal with some other stuff.
I still feel that I want out though I'm just so scared.
We have a mortgage and a dog. No kids.

[Deleted User]

I don't know if this will help.

Divide a sheet of lined paper into half. Write down all the things that are making you unhappy.

Then write down on the other side what can be done about these problems and by whom.

Then you might be able to see where changes can be made and by whom, and if moving out is the answer.

I would advise taking this to your counsellor as well, to discuss it with them.

I'd do this before discussing things with your partner as it may be you need to clarify your thinking first.

It may be beneficial to go and stay with a friend for a week or so to further help clarify your thinking, if you can.

Pollycat

Unsureandscared wrote: »

I'm 95% sure I need/want to end my 9 year relationship but I'm so scared and don't know how to actually say the words?! Any thoughts or advice would help

I'd say you should address the remaining 5% and be absolutely sure that you want to end the relationship.

I'm concerned with your comment about 'needing' to end your relationship together with the later mention of counselling and his comment 'needing to let go of the past' - this sounds like there are more issues than just having grown apart.

Andrew_Ryan_89

One thing that might work is spending some time apart. To back track a little, my partner and I were quite fortunate that we lived together for the good part of 2 years straight before I got engaged. The way you view your partner is completely different when you start living together and I know many friends who have broken up with their partners once they moved in with each other.

Maybe, in a way, the opposite will work here? Moving out and getting your space you'll either love the fact that he is no longer around or that 5% may kick in and you will want to give it an another chance.

Mojisola

Unsureandscared wrote: »

He knows I'm unhappy and the reasons why but thinks I need to just let go of the past and get on with things.

I am having counselling to try and help with what's going on and to help me deal with some other stuff.

I still feel that I want out though I'm just so scared.

Is running away how you've handled scary situations in the past?

It could be that he's right and this is the big pivotal point of your life - if you can face up to the fears you are feeling now, you may free yourself from them forever.

(None of the above may apply to your situation - with so little information, all we can do is throw some ideas your way.)

Unsureandscared

I don't run away but I do struggle to let go of the past. I'm having counselling for other reasons and to help increase my self confidence and self esteem as it's very low. I feel like I'm just plodding on with things at the moment. These aren't new feelings, they've been off and on for a while and now every time we argue I bring up all other stuff that I shouldn't.