Concerned For A Widowed Friend

Pollycat

bluelass wrote: »

She has made it clear and threatened to report him if he ever called round again.

You misunderstood my point.

bluelass wrote: »

She has made it clear she is not interested in him and last week she phoned me to say he had called around at hers with flowers but she told him no thanks and he got upset when she asked him to leave.

She clearly hasn't made it clear to him that she is not interested in him if he still called round with flowers.
Maybe she should use the 'go forth and multiply' type of clarification to avoid further misunderstanding.

bluelass wrote: »

And someone has told him about her husbands death and that she has a business plus a decent property.

There seems to be an awful lot of 'telling' people stuff in this pub that you frequent.
People discuss someone else's personal and financial status, other people talk about a guy's employment (or not) situation as well as his health - not to mention his home life.
And there's the people who've joked about your friend's potential as marriage material.
Maybe if more people minded their own business - and less people joked about a situation that is causing distress to someone else - it would be a more pleasant place to go and answer questions for fun.....

bluelass wrote: »

I have not stuck my nose in at all.My friend has asked me for my input and to be witness that she gives him a proper warning this evening which is a good idea and she will be recording the conversation on her phone too.
Then if it continues and the police are notified she can produce a witness and evidence if he tells them she welcomed the conduct.

Where did I allege that you had?

You posted

bluelass wrote: »

No im not trolling just concerned about what to do tomorrow night.

and I asked why you specifically needed to do anything.
And made the point that it was up to your friend to handle it with you as witness as she had already asked you to do that.

Mojisola

Pollycat wrote: »

She clearly hasn't made it clear to him that she is not interested in him if he still called round with flowers.

Maybe she should use the 'go forth and multiply' type of clarification to avoid further misunderstanding.

You obviously haven't had any experience of a stalker or a controlling would-be partner. When someone is fixated on a person, it doesn't matter how clearly that person says they are not interested - what they say isn't what the stalker hears.

This man may not be a stalker - he may just really like her or he may like the idea of getting together with a wealthy widow or he may believe that a woman always says no a number of times to look respectable!

gettingtheresometime

I reckon Bluelass is applying for the job of editor at The Archers....well some of their story lines are equally creative ......

Pollycat

Mojisola wrote: »

You obviously haven't had any experience of a stalker or a controlling would-be partner. When someone is fixated on a person, it doesn't matter how clearly that person says they are not interested - what they say isn't what the stalker hears.

This man may not be a stalker - he may just really like her or he may like the idea of getting together with a wealthy widow or he may believe that a woman always says no a number of times to look respectable!

Have you read any of the other replies to this thread?
You appear to be in a very small minority of posters who actually believe this situation is real......;)

Mojisola

Pollycat wrote: »

Have you read any of the other replies to this thread?
You appear to be in a very small minority of posters who actually believe this situation is real......;)

No, I've read bluelass's other threads - the scenarios are still ones that someone will experience and may benefit from reading about on here.

Pollycat

Mojisola wrote: »

No, I've read bluelass's other threads - the scenarios are still ones that someone will experience and may benefit from reading about on here.

They'd be better off asking for advice about their own real-life issues.

Mojisola

No-one has to contribute to a thread if they don't want to or don't think it's real life or don't believe in the OP.

Pollycat

Mojisola wrote: »

No-one has to contribute to a thread if they don't want to or don't think it's real life or don't believe in the OP.

Of course they don't.

Pollycat

Mojisola wrote: »

You obviously haven't had any experience of a stalker or a controlling would-be partner. When someone is fixated on a person, it doesn't matter how clearly that person says they are not interested - what they say isn't what the stalker hears.

This man may not be a stalker - he may just really like her or he may like the idea of getting together with a wealthy widow or he may believe that a woman always says no a number of times to look respectable!

As you say, we don't actually know if this man is a stalker or not.
We don't know if he's fixated on the OP's friend or not.

As I read it, he called round with some flowers, she told him she would report him if he did it again.

Re-reading the original post, I wouldn't do what the OP's friend is planning to do - i..e.

bluelass wrote: »

We are due to go to the quiz tomorrow evening and my friend is planning to tell him to leave her alone and she wants me to be stood with her as a witness when she does it.

I would ensure that I had someone with me at all times and ignore him unless he approached me.
Then - and only then - would I reiterate that I would be contacting the police about his continued harrassing behaviour whilst openly recording the conversation.

coolcait

Mojisola wrote: »

... the scenarios are still ones that someone will experience and may benefit from reading about on here.

I agree with this point.

At the core of the scenario put forward in the original post is an issue (stalking) which can affect many people.

It's also an issue which can often be misunderstood.

Therefore, there's value in addressing that issue, and the misunderstandings which surround it.

I also agree with your other posts on this thread, addressing the issue of stalking.