concerned grandparent - advice welcome

meritaten

as a grandma myself I can understand you feel that you would get cut off from the kids if their parents found out that you had reported them - and they would because SS would tell them. I know that because the SS told my Son and DiL who reported them (it was done maliciously and the SS were satisfied the kids were not at risk).
I would go through a 'third party'. such as the school (but the risk here is they would name you as a witness) or a trusted friend who would report them for you. or, as someone suggested the NSPCC.

This is a difficult position for you and I feel for you - as you rightly know you are better for being 'there' for the kids. but, they are at risk and vulnerable and I feel you must DO something!

HurdyGurdy

meritaten wrote: »

the SS told my Son and DiL who reported them

I often take calls from people who want to report concerns about children, but want to remain anonymous. Members of the public have the right to anonymity (professionals do not) but I always tell them that although we (Children's Services) will never confirm their identity, even if asked outright if it was XYZ, often the information that is shared will identify the person who made the call.

But we NEVER reveal someone's name if they have asked to be anonymous. We are very careful to not even reveal gender, saying "the referrer" or "the caller" "said that they were worried about".

Ms_Chocaholic

Did you contact Social Services to report the abuse of your daughter by her father, what did you do to protect her when she was young. Maybe if you did nothing at the time, you regret this now? If this is the case, unfortunately you are doing the same for your grandchildren.

meritaten

HurdyGurdy wrote: »

I often take calls from people who want to report concerns about children, but want to remain anonymous. Members of the public have the right to anonymity (professionals do not) but I always tell them that although we (Children's Services) will never confirm their identity, even if asked outright if it was XYZ, often the information that is shared will identify the person who made the call.

But we NEVER reveal someone's name if they have asked to be anonymous. We are very careful to not even reveal gender, saying "the referrer" or "the caller" "said that they were worried about".

Then perhaps the Social Worker was unprofessional? doesn't change the fact they named the accuser.

HurdyGurdy

meritaten wrote: »

Then perhaps the Social Worker was unprofessional? doesn't change the fact they named the accuser.

No, you're quite right. I wasn't questioning what you said. Just surprised that they disclosed the referrer, as we have it drummed into us by our head of service that when someone refers and they want to be anonymous, we have to respect that, and not reveal their identity.

HurdyGurdy

Ms_Chocaholic wrote: »

Did you contact Social Services to report the abuse of your daughter by her father, what did you do to protect her when she was young. Maybe if you did nothing at the time, you regret this now? If this is the case, unfortunately you are doing the same for your grandchildren.

The OP can't put right what happened in the past to her daughter, so making her feel guilty isn't going to make any difference now.

What she needs to do is to ensure that the stops this pattern being repeated, and gets some help for her grandchildren.

atrixblue.-MFR-.

As HurdyGurdy will confirm, If you do not act upon the information you have and keep thinking that this will get you cut off from your grandkids then in future when SS do eventually remove the kids further down the line in most cases SS and Courts wont look favourably upon you to having custody temporary or permanent knowing you didn't act upon the information or didn't seem to be doing enough to safeguard these children from harm.


You MUST get SS involved, You need to speak with the school to see if they have identified possible abuse traits and have them report it also.


If you want any kind of future with the Grandchildren you must act NOW.

Marvel1

gorgeouscrystal wrote: »

He is physically and emotionally abusive to her and the older two who are not his.

You know what to do.

HurdyGurdy

I have thought on this a bit more, and actually, you should be reporting the school to children's services as well. And when you speak to school if and when your grandchildren tell you about any abuse, emotional or physical, you should point school towards Working Together.



These are "snipped bits" from Working Together To Safeguard Children:

Working together 2013 reaffirms that safeguarding is everyone’s responsibility and for services to be effective each professional and organisation should play their full part, but adds that for services to be effective they must adopt a child centred approach and be based on a clear understanding of the needs and views of children. Every area should use these principles to underpin their safeguarding plans.

In addition, the guidance asserts that for safeguarding procedures to be effective they must reflect the following:

* The child’s needs are paramount, and the needs and wishes of each child, should be put first, so that every child receives the support they need before a problem escalates;

* All professionals who come into contact with children and families are alert to their needs and any risks of harm that individual abusers, or potential abusers, may pose to children;

* All professionals share appropriate information in a timely way and can discuss any concerns about an individual child with colleagues and local authority children’s social care;

* All professionals contribute to whatever actions are needed to safeguard and promote a child’s welfare and take part in regularly reviewing the outcomes for the child against specific plans and outcomes;


Sorry to bang on about this, but it is SO important that social services are made aware of ANY concerns that anyone has for ANY child. When a tragedy happens and a child has died as a result of abuse, it's always social services that are blamed for not doing anything. But if no one reports concerns for a child, then social services can't act.

gorgeouscrystal

Having read through all the comments that have been posted I do realize that reporting to SS is the best route and my hesitation is partly due to past experiences. I haven't always had a good experience with a previous SW who was assigned to the case who basically told me that emotional abuse is too difficult to prove. This was a couple of years ago and having myself suffered from emotional abuse for years which has resulted in me now having PTSD makes it extremely difficult for me to make and act on decisions easily being very afraid of making the wrong one. I try my best to do what is best for the children but it is not as simple as it may sound.