Ever a right time for another baby?

Spendless

How long before your debts are paid off or severely reduced and you're in a position to buy a bigger house? Presumably all this is sooner than previously anticipated due to your new job?

Would waiting another couple of years make having another child more manageable with your circs?

I wouldn't worry about the age gap. If you were in a position to get pregnant immediately you'd still have around a 7 year age gap. That's the age difference between me and my sibling and I swore because of it my kids would be closer in age, they are 3 years apart, but I sure as hell didn't bicker with my sister the way my two have been doing for the past eighteen months! They'll be pros and cons whatever the age gap. Nor would I worry about any cousins. My 7 year younger sister had twins the year after I had my eldest. There's a smaller gap between my two with their cousins than there is with each other. Meanwhile DH and his sister born 21 months apart, his sister had her only child many years before we did. DH Neice will become a teacher at DD's school from September. :eek:

dirty_magic

What does your husband think? Are you sure you really want this or is it just because you're realising time is running out?

My concern would be the 2 bed house. If you had a girl you'd have to move at some point. I wouldn't worry about your employers. It won't be the first time it's happened, and 9 months is nothing in the scheme of things.

Threebabes

We have 3 kids. No. 3 was a massive surprise the other 2 were 8 and 3 1/2 when we had her.

Im ruling with my heart on this one. Shes 12 1/2 now and a joy to be around (ask me in about 18 mth when shes a teenager). Shes funny, entertaining, kind, caring. Our lives would be poorer for not having her in it. She compliments her two siblings perfectly. She gets on great with her brother who is 8 year old than her.

Saying that DH had a good job and we were in no debt.

A colleague at work has a 10 yr old son and just fallen pregnant with an ivf baby. I wouldnt worry so much about the age gap.

Just dont leave it too late.

Good luck in your decision. x

pigpen

LilElvis wrote: »

I became a first time Mum at 43 and I'm not super tired at all, but we are nearly £25k poorer - IVF is damned expensive and having one child is no guarantee that you can have another regardless of age.

Worth every last penny I'm sure!

But having had children at various life stages having them when you are older takes a lot more out of you.. I coped much better with a nocturnal baby at 20 than I did at 40!.. I simply dont have the stamina some days and long for bed time.. that is a general age thing though to a large extent.. This never happened with the older children.. I'm now also intolerant of toddler groups and parent groups.. Having several family members who had children later in life this seems usual.. and listening to some of the stupid things my daughters peers get up to I understand why.


The now retired school head had her child at 44 and said she did nothing but sleep while on maternity leave!

rinroo

I have a 14 year old and an 11 year old and I'm currently 25 weeks pregnant with with my third child.

My DH and I have spoke for years about trying for another baby but the time was never right, but when is it ever? We did actively try early last year but after a miscarriage decided it was not meant to be and we're happy as a family of 4. Then completely out of the blue we discovered I was pregnant and whilst I've have had the doubts about finances, space in our home, work etc... You just learn to adapt and get on with it. I see it as a blessing.

I don't think there's ever a right time or a right age gap but you can make it work if you want!

By the way, I was 18 when I had my first, 21 when I had my second. At 32 now this pregnancy has been a breeze compared to the other two pregnancies. Even DH commented about the difference now to then!

workingalwaysworking

Thanks for all the replies :-) Just some answers to the queries:

In regards to finances/debts - our debts are currently around £5k. DH has been working overtime to get them cleared.
We are on a shared ownership scheme with our house and that is up in three years. We'll have the option to sell back to our local council who we have 'bought' the house through or sell on the open market. If we leave early it'll cost us quite a bit!
We only pay childcare for one day a week, after school as I work one weekday and at the weekend. Our childminder takes babies on, so that wouldn't be an issue or much more expense. I wouldn't need to adjust my hours either :-)
It was actually my hubby that suggested another baby, then it got me thinking too and the more exciting a possibility it became.
So hard isn't it?!

Spendless

workingalwaysworking wrote: »

Thanks for all the replies :-) Just some answers to the queries:

In regards to finances/debts - our debts are currently around £5k. DH has been working overtime to get them cleared.
We are on a shared ownership scheme with our house and that is up in three years. We'll have the option to sell back to our local council who we have 'bought' the house through or sell on the open market. If we leave early it'll cost us quite a bit!
We only pay childcare for one day a week, after school as I work one weekday and at the weekend. Our childminder takes babies on, so that wouldn't be an issue or much more expense. I wouldn't need to adjust my hours either :-)
It was actually my hubby that suggested another baby, then it got me thinking too and the more exciting a possibility it became.
So hard isn't it?!

That doesn't sound too bad at all. I thought you meant many thousands of debt and severe negative equity. It sounds manageable if you decide to try in the not too distance future or if you preferred to wait you could give it say 2 years then you should be towards the end of the time for the house issue and would likely have paid debt off by then.

honeypop

Based on that further information, I'd say go for it now! The debt isn't unmanageable and you have a plan in action to pay it off with OH overtime. Bedroom space would only be a problem for a few years, when you can consider moving, if you fell pregnant straight away baby would still only be 2 while sharing the room, so barely taking up any space at all and no real issues with sharing at that age. Your work and childcare would be no problem from what you've said. what exactly are you waiting for :-)

I would say if there's no real reason to wait, start now (or start preparing now). You never know what will happen, how long it might take etc.

My experience is that we waited too long to make the final decision to try for number 3, and now discovered I have PCOS and it would have been a whole lot easier if we'd started 3 years ago when we first considered it. Nothing really held us back, we just went back and forth on it for so long. With no idea I had this going on, it seems we've left it rather late now (especially considering the plan was 2 more!)

workingalwaysworking

I bought some folic acid today lol
thanks again everyone!

sulkisu

If you both really want a second child, then my advice is go for it. There is nothing that you have mentioned that can't be worked around - people have children with far less going for them. You may be a little squashed for a while and have a bit less money, but nothing insurmountable.


Good luck.