Ever a right time for another baby?

workingalwaysworking

Good afternoon

I hope this is the right place to post. I'm after some opinions please!

DH and I have been discussing a second baby. Our DS is currently almost 6. We were always happy as a 3 but recently I've become really broody!

I'm not getting any younger (!) either, added to that we only live in a small 2 bed house with no option of moving for a good few years. We have debt which we are paying off gradually and the biggy - I've just started a new job in March. I don't think my new employers would be too impressed with me, even though I would be going back after 9 months. I love the job and it's an industry I have been trying to get into for a while.
Any thoughts? opinions? Anyone been through anything similar?

Mojisola

So you've got a house that suits the three of you, have a child settled in school, have started a new job and have debts to repay - it sounds as if another child is the last thing you need.

JuneAB

How old are you, if you don't mind me asking?

From my own thoughts about this it is down to finances but like you I'm not getting any younger and will have to think about it sooner rather than later - yet I still have stuff I want to do first career wise and property wise. BUT, I don't want to leave it too late and always be wondering what if?

So, IMO, if you are young enough to put it off for a year or two to get established in your job and clear the debts then that's what I would do.

But if you think it's now or never then I would go for it. Kids can share a room up to a certain age, and if they are the same sex then even longer. I shared a room with my sister until we were 12 and 15. Just don't be wondering 'what if' xx

workingalwaysworking

Mojisola wrote: »

So you've got a house that suits the three of you, have a child settled in school, have started a new job and have debts to repay - it sounds as if another child is the last thing you need.

tis true, tis true....

workingalwaysworking

JuneAB wrote: »

How old are you, if you don't mind me asking?

From my own thoughts about this it is down to finances but like you I'm not getting any younger and will have to think about it sooner rather than later - yet I still have stuff I want to do first career wise and property wise. BUT, I don't want to leave it too late and always be wondering what if?

So, IMO, if you are young enough to put it off for a year or two to get established in your job and clear the debts then that's what I would do.

But if you think it's now or never then I would go for it. Kids can share a room up to a certain age, and if they are the same sex then even longer. I shared a room with my sister until we were 12 and 15. Just don't be wondering 'what if' xx

I'm 36 this year :eek:

Armchair23

There was a large age gap (10 years +)between my husband and his sibling and then our kids and their cousins have an even bigger age gap.

So when his sib was starting school my husband was a teenager he definitely wasn't up for helping out with a small child. That's very much how he saw it as a burden not a good thing.
It's not easy being the only child for a long time and having a baby arrive is a big change. I've got no doubt he was quite spoilt and a baby arriving really peed him off !

The cousins are 15 + years apart in age and because our two families live quite a way apart we don't see each other that often. I really wish the cousins felt closer but the age gap makes a massive difference.

So just adding some thoughts about the age gap rather than just having another child. Just personal experience and I'm sure there are plenty of other more positive opinions out there.

Beckyy

I think if your house would do you for a few years and there is scope to move in the future that wouldn't concern me too much, neither would the new job as long as you're established and would qualify for maternity pay etc.

The thing that would worry me mostly would be having any debt looming. Could you maybe reassess the finances in a year time with the intentions of paying off as much as possible by then? It sounds like waiting another couple of years could put you in a much better position financially. I was an older baby and have colleagues and friends who have had children in their 40's, I don't think a big age gap is a negative thing and wouldn't see under 10 years as a big one myself. There's pro's and con's of every family set up.

pigpen

That's not a big gap.. lots of people get one off to school and then decide to have another.. The only ones who can make the decision are you and your husband.. you know if your finances and house size and time and health will allow.

36 isnt that old either.. you could probably wait another 5 years and still manage it (be prepared to be super tired though!!) Having babies in your late 30's/early 40's is quite normal now.. some wait until then to have their first.

pinkshoes

I have just had my second (and third) at 36 with a 5 year age gap.

There is no such thing as a good time to have another baby. There will ALWAYS be something getting in the way.

If you want another baby, then just start trying, and if nature is on your side, you will conceive. It took us 2 years from when we started trying until the twins were born due to two miscarriages. And having twins now means my salary is wiped out for the next 3 years, so we are on a tight budget!

c'est la vie!

LilElvis

pigpen wrote: »

That's not a big gap.. lots of people get one off to school and then decide to have another.. The only ones who can make the decision are you and your husband.. you know if your finances and house size and time and health will allow.

36 isnt that old either.. you could probably wait another 5 years and still manage it (be prepared to be super tired though!!) Having babies in your late 30's/early 40's is quite normal now.. some wait until then to have their first.

I became a first time Mum at 43 and I'm not super tired at all, but we are nearly £25k poorer - IVF is damned expensive and having one child is no guarantee that you can have another regardless of age.

Happier_Me

This is really a heart v head decision. Practically it sounds like now is not the right time (small house, new job, debts) but at 36 your chances of fertility will be decreasing, so you really need to decide between you just how important another baby is to you both and soon.

You can buy a bigger house/tackle debts longer term. Your chances of conceiving are not so certain as you head towards 40 though. But you have got to afford to live once baby no.2 arrives.

Have you drawn up a budget to see if you can financially survive during maternity leave and then when you are back at work (part time/full time?) with two children and all the extra costs involved? How long can you manage in your 2 bed if you have a second - ie: baby no. 2 would probably have to sleep in your room until they are sleeping through the night, when they can move in with their sibling.

In terms of work, not ideal but I would make sure you have been employed long enough to get mat pay and consider how accommodating they will be if you want to change your hours etc on your return.