Feeling low about daughter

System

pigpen wrote: »

It's all part of her control and abuse.. tell her of the nice things you are doing.. going out, how the house dynamics have changed... it appears cruel but she needs to realise you aren't going to sit waiting by the phone for her to ring, you aren't going to be at her beckon call, you are not going to stop living just because she isn't there.. she doesn't sound like the kind of person who would realise that without having it spelled out!

I think teabag would be afraid of possible repercussions if she were to do that. The girl has already attempted suicide on many occasions and is highly manipulative. This is the hold she has on her mother.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

pigpen wrote: »

Sons too!!

Both of my oldest who have left home have said those exact words to me and both have apologised for being a$$hole teens .. DD1 wasn't really that bad!



Well she wouldn't tell you she is having a rubbish time would she?

It's all part of her control and abuse.. tell her of the nice things you are doing.. going out, how the house dynamics have changed... it appears cruel but she needs to realise you aren't going to sit waiting by the phone for her to ring, you aren't going to be at her beckon call, you are not going to stop living just because she isn't there.. she doesn't sound like the kind of person who would realise that without having it spelled out!

And don't forget that, as soon as the novelty wears off and a foster carer tries to do anything resembling saying 'No' to her, she'll probably kick off wailing and screaming about how awful it is there and how much she misses you. Because she'll think you'll cave in and take her back where she thinks she;ll be able to do as she pleases and abuse you all again. Best to be prepared for that eventuality, so you aren't knocked sideways out of love and let her back to the detriment of everybody else as well as yourself.

AnotherJoe

OP I suggest you focus on the other members of the family who are probably enjoying the freedom from the drama and no doubt haven't had the attention they deserve due to daughters demanding behaviour

pigpen

avogadro wrote: »

I think teabag would be afraid of possible repercussions if she were to do that. The girl has already attempted suicide on many occasions and is highly manipulative. This is the hold she has on her mother.

another method of control and abuse..

It doesnt have to be said nastily just like a normal conversation it's just a normal thing you would say to anyone.. and stuff close to home she can be asked if she would like to join the rest of the family.

elsien

teabag29 wrote: »

I know the situation is for the best but i do miss her terribly, I start to feel better and then she rings telling me what a good time shes having and how she doesn't need me anymore and will ring once in a while and then i feel rubbish again.

Aside from anything else, she's a teenager. And teenagers can be total selfish @rses, even without your daughter's difficulties. Try not to take it to heart too much - relationships can be rebuilt in time.

SuzieSue

elsien wrote: »

Aside from anything else, she's a teenager. And teenagers can be total selfish @rses, even without your daughter's difficulties. Try not to take it to heart too much - relationships can be rebuilt in time.

Exactly. I read your previous post and you both need time apart from each other.

You also need to concentrate on your other children who have had to suffer with your daughter's behaviour.

Make the most of this time apart and make sure your daughter does too.

You said that you couldn't cope with her and that you didn't want her back, so you should be grateful that SS are trying to find her a foster home.

Why do you feel low now that your daughter is happy? Would you prefer her to be unhappy?

meritaten

teabag - it could be that you are both better off apart.
mum and I never got on while I lived at home - our relationship improved after I married and moved out. mind you, I wasn't quite the B I T C H your DD is! just too independent and strong minded which mum hated.
just take it that she has reached the age where she has 'moved out' and concentrate on making YOUR lives better now.
You weren't a failure - there was just a clash of personalities (hardly surprising with your DD). you are her mother, you will always be her mother, NOTHING can change that!

emsywoo123

Feral_Moon wrote: »

I just wonder whether it's appropriate to be asking advice on a public forum where you might decide to act on a person's advice that has absolutely no idea what is going on for your family right now.

Other people put their own slant on a subject, whether from similar experience or perceived knowledge which could ultimately harm your relationship with your daughter, plus other family members. You really need to listen to those involved in your case who have all the facts.

Feral_Moon wrote: »

MSE is absolutely not the place to discuss or decide the future of a vulnerable young adult. Where is her say in all this? You've got a one sided history. I can't believe a discussion like this can even take place on an Internet forum. These are real people with real lives.

Feral_Moon wrote: »

Oh, who needs professionals when you've got MSE the font of all knowledge!

It's a bloody consumerist website, not a replacement for personal relationships or health issues. And certainly not for family legal battles.

Are you talking to yourself or have some posts been deleted? :rotfl:

teabag29

I haven't asked for advice just stated that I was feeling low so not sure where that came from 😕

Andypandyboy

I think the old adage attributed to Mark Twain ( erroneously apparently) is often true:

"At the age of seventeen Mark says he thought his father the most ignorant man in all the world and just couldn’t stand him about. At the age of twenty-three he found that his father knew a few things and he could put up with him occasionally; at the age of twenty-seven he knew that his father was the smartest man in all the world and he just doted on having him about."

There is a bit of psychology in this that is worth thinking about!

Hard as it is, you have to focus on your own health and your younger children. She is young, things will improve over time.