Son, rent, resentment, ex, debt plus more, guidance needed please.

tea_lover

Guest101 wrote: »

Own front door I suspect.

True, but I think I'd want to be able to have a wash and a cup of tea too!

onomatopoeia99

Guest101 wrote: »

Own front door I suspect.

Don't think that will work for "self-contained" if there are no bathroom or kitchen facilities.

Guest101

onomatopoeia99 wrote: »

Don't think that will work for "self-contained" if there are no bathroom or kitchen facilities.

No I know, it's not self contained for any legal purposes, I just meant I think the OP means it has its own doors.

quidsy

Sounds like the plot of a really bad soap opera & being delivered in episodes too.


OP just type the whole thing on word & post when you have it all written down & organized.

Pollycat

Person_one wrote: »

I have to say, I think it would be better to wait until you have the time to post everything you want to, rather than drip feeding with big gaps.

People will be taking the time to read this, hoping to help you, then realising they don't have the full story, or wasting their time by replying with advice or questions that may well become irrelevant the next time you post a bit of the story.

I agree.

The thread is already going off at a tangent so by the time the OP coms back with the next/final instalment, we may be discussing eating porridge out of a saucepan or the merits of having a dishwasher.

paigesaunt

Having just read through this, I'm not going to bother with the rest, unfortunately some of you people on here are so cruel it makes sense why you have the time to post on threads you have no interest in.
Any interaction with others is better than none I guess.
I was feeling a bit down the day I posted, so thank goodness my internet was disconnected and I wasn't able to read the replies until today when I'm feeling much stronger.

The guidance I was hoping for is nothing at all what you are thinking, so far removed it's laughable.
FYI
The annexe is work in progress and will have a kitchen! It has a bathroom, just not a shower, so maybe I should have said WILL be self contained.

[Deleted User]

What sort of replies were you looking for? I'm not quite sure what has upset you so much? We don't really know why you were posting. It does seem as if you have set yourself up a bit to continue the 'looking after' role you have had. This is not mean nastily.., but you sort of want these young people to be a bit more independent and grown up.., but expecting to get income from their child benefit rather than rent.

That's what people are commenting on.

You have built yourself up after a hell of a time.., well done.., but maybe you've built yourself up to continue in the same sort of role.., rather than change things to encourage people like your son to grow up and be more independant. This is all we can see from the information given so far. If we are wrong, please say and then we can give more accurate comments.

I have to be careful with my son.., he's got ASD, is on benefits and I'm fighting hard to get him to grow up (he's 20). I do tend to slip into being the constant carer if I'm not careful, which isn't doing him any favours. Tried several things but it finally seems to be working, he's budgeting and paying for things for himself, recognising he can't have everything and making choices about where he spends his money. He's had a bit of a problem with the college he was attending (not his fault) and I've had to do a bit of work with him teaching him how to deal with such knock backs (determination being the repeated word lol, even when things that are wrong happen).

I just don't know if this is anything to do with what you were asking about though lol.

Wishing you all the best. Glad to hear you are feeling a bit better.

PasturesNew

Through "trying to do the right thing as you see it" you're adding more rods to your back.

You and your son should either live together or not, but he seems too young to be 'independently' living in an en-suite room next door, which is what the extension really is. You'd need full planning permission to get it as a separate dwelling.

You also seem to have surrounded yourself with under-age children traipsing through your life and house .... with all the trouble/cost that causes.

Your son is too young to be shacking up with young girls. The complexities of benefits being claimed/not for these young girls is adding rods to your back.

Step back and take a look at what you're trying to do.

You're trying to force a situation that can't ever work due to the reliance all these random people have upon your purse.

The girls are after a free/easy ride; you're seeing them as adult/independent people when they're not.

You're trying to set sail in a boat made of a sieve and continually wondering why you're sinking.

Step back. Any independent living done next door, by the son and/or any girlfriends, or not, should be done with proper adults (e.g. fully formed and over 25), with independent incomes and a decent head on their shoulders about how relationships and homes and sharing homes works.

Pollycat

paigesaunt wrote: »

Having just read through this, I'm not going to bother with the rest, unfortunately some of you people on here are so cruel it makes sense why you have the time to post on threads you have no interest in.
Any interaction with others is better than none I guess.
I was feeling a bit down the day I posted, so thank goodness my internet was disconnected and I wasn't able to read the replies until today when I'm feeling much stronger.

The guidance I was hoping for is nothing at all what you are thinking, so far removed it's laughable.
FYI
The annexe is work in progress and will have a kitchen! It has a bathroom, just not a shower, so maybe I should have said WILL be self contained.

Not to bother posting further is your prerogative of course.

But - and I have reread the posts - I can't see the cruelty you allege is there.

Kynthia

I'm guessing this self-contained annex will qualify for its own council tax if it has cooking and washing facilities. That could be an ongoing expense even if it's vacant.