Official Trying to Conceive - Thread 13

angel11

Athens fx AF stays away.

Just over mid-way in my cycle (thanks for doing the lists sexymouse or I'd have no idea what cd I'm on lol) & no idea if I've oved or not, as I'm not tracking anything. Had what could've pos been ov pain yesterday, but it wasn't as strong as it normally as, & no other real obvious signs. I've been feeling really emotional this weekend & been having a few headaches, so I think there's something hormonal def going on - fx it's something good.

sexymouse

anthensgeorgia I completely understand the not testing so you don't erase all hope. After being persuaded into early testing on a number of occasions when trying to conceive my son, I found the BFNs devastating, and in the end would rather I'd just waited for AF. This time, I tested a bit early due to the implantation bleeding I'd had (never had it before), but even after the BFP was then panicking that AF was still going to show up and maybe the test was wrong. I have an early scan tomorrow, and I'm still terrified!

No worries angel11 - the emotional feelings and headache are a good indication that ovulation is imminent - I got this every time I ovulated (almost as bad as PMT).

Slinky_Selina

HI all!
I'm sorry I only pop in now and again for a bit of a whinge! I'm still recovering a bit from my due date a few weeks ago, and its the first anniversary of my Dad passing away on Wednesday, so I'm quite often a big blubbery mess of tears at the moment!

I got nagged at and got the courage to go down to my partners parents this weekend where his brother would be with his little girl who despite being 18 months I've never met. Ava I think represented everything I was mad and jealous at in this situation. I wouldnt see or speak to my si-in-law when she was pregnant, I didnt go down when the baby was born and have just avoided her, unfortunately she was there at Christmas this year when I'd just had the miscarriage and had an infection so couldnt go to my own mums, somehow I managed to avoid all of them!

I then was spending the weekend with her, his other sisters 3 kids (lots of mumsy talk!), then I ended up going to their school reunion day where I was surrounded by the !!!!!!s. It wasnt going too badly but then his other brother rang (theres 5 of them altogether) to tell him they are expecting. Everyone else had known for 2 weeks so we were the last and I've lost it again. If I had feelings of 'its not fair' before, I definitely do now! Despite my partner telling me its not a competition!

I've gone straight past jealously, and shamefully I'm just angry and possibly tipped into hatred. Is it bad of me, am I over-reacting or do some of us think it and not say it, preferring pretending to be a little upset or quiet. I think its probably mixed in with my other grief but I really could scream right now. And now I'm off to do my Day 21 test, and I'm in a whats the bloody point, its never going to happen mood.
Sorry guys, I think I'm rather over-emotional at the moment and I have a definite lack of people who understand around me!

Rachylou1981

Ah Selina, this sounds like a horrible situation and I really feel for you, as struggling with your emotions and feelings is so difficult and especially when grieving as it can make you lash out and do things you wouldn't normally do/say things you would usually not say.

With me, I do feel jealous at those around me who fell pregnant and went through a breezy 12 weeks without anxiety and without any problems (not that I would wish that on anyone). I look around and see people with babies everywhere and think that they did it, why couldn't I? I felt anxious the whole time and deep down expected my MC, I just could not be excited or believe it. People were saying I should be relieved I had no pregnancy symptoms and I got angry about that and irrational when people told me to just tell people when I was trying to hide my news.

I also feel robbed of three months and majorly jealous and sad of friends/acquaintances on Facebook who are coming out and announcing their news as it should be me.

Now people are moving on and I feel less able to discuss it and that makes me sad and mad too, I am still hurting and everyone is just talking about going for a drink at the weekend etc.

However, despite all of this, I have to remember that each person might have gone through hell to get to their current life situation, each person might be suffering with another problem I am unaware of. This has made me realise that no-one knows what goes on behind closed doors in other people's lives and so it is rather selfish and self absorbed to assume that I am the only person who is unhappy and hurting because you just never know. As hard as it is, try not to damage relationships with the closest people around you as it is not their fault.

Have you tried counselling? One of the girls on here mentioned this and said it helped (I will not name but she may pass on the info herself).

athensgeorgia

I'm sorry to you Rachylou and Selina with what you're both going through.

I had counselling after my MC and feel it really helped me. I was struggling with all sorts of situations. I had a few weeks of being pg at the same time as two of my work colleagues who I was close to and couldn't bring myself to meet their babies even though I'd been right through their pregnancies with them and had been excited. I resented my nephew and his gf who fell pg within a few weeks of their own MC. I felt guilty for grieving when I already had children.

I didn't want to tell people what we were going through because talking about it was so upsetting and just didn't get how people could plaster that sort of thing on Facebook.

It's still constantly on my mind. It's my EDD on 6th July but I would have had a planned c-section which I guessed would have been the 30th June. It's been playing on my mind heavily recently as has all the what if's when I next fall pg. I couldn't fully appreciate how a MC affects you until I went through it myself and I found it traumatic.

I think TTC even though it's supposed to be the NTNP kind has helped me. It's helped me focus on things to come.

sweetilemon

athensgeorgia wrote: »

I'm sorry to you Rachylou and Selina with what you're both going through.

I had counselling after my MC and feel it really helped me. I was struggling with all sorts of situations. I had a few weeks of being pg at the same time as two of my work colleagues who I was close to and couldn't bring myself to meet their babies even though I'd been right through their pregnancies with them and had been excited. I resented my nephew and his gf who fell pg within a few weeks of their own MC. I felt guilty for grieving when I already had children.

I didn't want to tell people what we were going through because talking about it was so upsetting and just didn't get how people could plaster that sort of thing on Facebook.

It's still constantly on my mind. It's my EDD on 6th July but I would have had a planned c-section which I guessed would have been the 30th June. It's been playing on my mind heavily recently as has all the what if's when I next fall pg. I couldn't fully appreciate how a MC affects you until I went through it myself and I found it traumatic.

I think TTC even though it's supposed to be the NTNP kind has helped me. It's helped me focus on things to come.

Hi, just thought I'd come to say I agree with the couselling suggestion. I've just started bereavement counselling after losing my baby to meningitis at 4weeks2days. I've only had one session but definitely think it was a good move. I'd love to be TTC/NTNP but I know deep down I need time to heal in my mind and body. It really doesn't stop me symptom spotting and taking HgC tests incase there's been a mistake. I miss being pregnant and holding my baby. No child will replace my first but I still long to be a mummy and I feel like I'm back to my original devastation when I got BFN and the horrible feeling of life being on hold until TTC. Sorry, I know it's maybe not the best place to post as I'm not TTC but just thought some people may relate to these feelings.

newthrift

I've finally caught up
cats I will be taking your wise words on board before testing next time. I just can't cope with the hurt of a BFN or a pregnancy that then ends suddenly.
rachy very sorry to read your sad news. May time offer some healing and wishing you and DH a gentle time whilst you get your head around everything. Also, I completely understand what you and selina are saying. I have to just remind myself that I have no idea what else they may have going on behind closed doors or how they got to where they.
sweetilemon so very sorry for your loss!!!

AF is due Sunday, I would be surprised if we have been caught this month however I always hold out a little bit of hope. Both me and DH are beginning to feel more desperate for it to happen at the same time as feeling quite relaxed (does that make any sense haha!) I've not logged data this month and hardly opened my apps. I've stopped using OVIA at the mo and just keeping with the MyDays.
Not really feeling PMS or PG symptoms atm so will just wait to see what happens.

Rachylou1981

AthensGeorgia, thanks for the update re: the counselling, it was in fact yourself I was referring to. Glad it has helped you.

Sweetilemon, so very sorry for your loss. I cannot begin to imagine what you have suffered. I am so glad you found counselling helpful too.

This particular thread has been great for opening up about our feelings and whilst it may be scary for some to hear such awful stories, I do think that the support and knowledge and shared experiences is helpful (for me anyway).

Thanks again for the kind wishes for me. Lots of love and hugs to all, whatever the situation

clarabell1984

Rachey, I am so sorry for your loss. I hope you are looking after yourself xx

Selina, I'm sorry for what you have experienced.

I can very much relate to jealousy/hatred feelings. My brother/sister in law are pregnant just now and it is taking all my effort to show an interest. I can't bear to see our nephew and find myself rolling my eyes when another pregnancy/birth announcement pops up on facebook!

Sweetilemon, I cannot begin to imagine what you have gone through. I'm glad you are getting help through counselling.

Newthrift, I think we are on same CD31! I have no idea if I even ovulated this month but I'm also expecting AF around Sun/Mon if I'm back to a rough 38 day cycle and CM is anything to go by.

Angel, let me know what you think of your first acupuncture session x

cats2012

I'm not going to lie we are probably not going to attend a family party in a couple of weeks as it's just too hard - 4 little kids and 2 more pregnancies. We just can't cope so are going to fake a bug. I feel so bad but we're only just dealing with the mc so don't need our faces rubbed in it.

I should add none of the family know we're even trying..