Official Trying to Conceive - Thread 13

KatieBee123

Hi ladies,

I!!!8217;ve put myself in an awkward situation. My friend has asked me to and nagged me for drinks/ a night out, and she doesn!!!8217;t take no for an answer under normal circumstances. Being in the 2ww and feeling pretty hopeful I obvz declined but because I know this will be a regular occurrence (her wanting drinks) I decided to come clean and tell her we were ttc, I don!!!8217;t want to have to lie and make something up each time this situation arises.

Long and short I wish I hadn!!!8217;t bothered. Her personality isn!!!8217;t nasty or not nice but she is a very self righteous spoilt kind of girl. I!!!8217;m sure we all have one friend we can relate to that is like this. Her husband left her a few years ago and it!!!8217;s been her way or no way since, I think everyone pandering to her has made it worse but what else to do you when you see someone hurting? You spoil them and give them the attention they need, however she still wants the attention. I!!!8217;ll of course always be there for her but I!!!8217;ll be honest I have found us drifting and I can!!!8217;t always dedicate weekends/ evenings to her because I have my own life and OH to consider.

She seemed quite annoyed I hadn!!!8217;t told her I had stopped my contraception, her words were something along the lines of we are best friends you could of told me. I explained we were just going with the flow ( a little white lie in the grand scheme of things) and I didn!!!8217;t want to say anything until there was anything to say about. In real life I really am a private person but there!!!8217;s some things I really think my family should know first and this is one of them, saying that I have a close knit group of women I work with and we tell each other everything, including ttc as we are all going through the same thing. This also made me realise me and my friend have drifted because tbh I really didn!!!8217;t want to tell her, but wanted to tell others.

Now I have opened myself up to endless questions, nagging and quite frankly nosiness, I feel overwhelmed now as I know every conversation will end up being !!!8220; have you tested yet, are you pregnant yet?!!!8221; Which is exactly what I didn!!!8217;t want, pressure, stress and nosiness.

Short of telling someone to f*** off and to mind their own business. How do you cope with this? I really want it to be just myself and my OH that know for the first few weeks, and you ladies of course, it!!!8217;s a support network here. I just don!!!8217;t want to have to break things down minute by minute what I!!!8217;ve been up to, how I!!!8217;m feeling, when I had sex, what time I stopped contraception, who I!!!8217;ve told, have I tested yet.

Sorry about the rant ladies, just needed to get this of my chest

Hope you are all well

Selement - sorry AF arrived x

Munchkin84

That!!!8217;s exactly why I didn!!!8217;t want to tell anyone we were trying. Questions. Now, after the MC, obviously people know and all I get if I ever feel sick or I don!!!8217;t drink are questions. No, I!!!8217;m not pregnant. I just feel sick or I just don!!!8217;t fancy a drink.
I snapped at my mum last time she asked if I was pregnant, no, I!!!8217;m not pregnant and it hurts like hell that I!!!8217;m not.
Our sex life and reproductive systems are nobodies business but our own. (And you ladies on here, but that!!!8217;s my choice to tell )
I just keep saying !!!8220;no, not yet!!!8221;. And change the subject.

PrettyKittyKat

TTC Thread

Two Week Wait (BFP Hopefuls)
CD92 Nanyco
CD25 KatieBee123
CD23 CamelLady (10dpo)
CD15 Toots14 (1dpo)

"If in doubt - BD" Zone
CD32 Zeni
CD21 athensgeorgia
CD16 SlothSocks

"Wine and Chocolate" zone
CD10 PrettyKittyKat
CD10 Celepie
CD6 Rambosmum
CD3 T4Taylor
CD2 Selement

CD? Skimper (awaiting 1st AF)

Those we haven't heard from in a while:

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2018 Thread Graduates:
Afoolandhermoney - 23/01/2018

PrettyKittyKat

selement - ah I'm sorry . I think no matter what we always get our hopes up, it's just natural isn't it? I hope AF is kind to you and passes quickly!

KatieBee - I totally agree, I don't want to prying and suspicious looks if I decline a drink, or have put abit of weight on. It is just too much pressure! I have only told two people we are trying. One is a friend whom is also trying, and as we are both in the same stage in life it feels natural to talk about it and share experiences. The other is a family member who I have recently told as she shared alot of personal things about her struggle to conceive with me, so it felt right to and I wanted to be honest with where we are at with her. I'd recommend just explaining to your friend that you don't want to put pressure on yourself so if she could refrain from asking for a few months, but you will be sure to tell her as soon as there is anything to tell!

T4taylor

Munchkin and KatieBee, I totally get what you!!!8217;re saying. I was taken aback on Friday at work when I went to ask a male colleague a question. I knocked on his office and asked if I could speak to him for 2 mins (about a work matter). He replied jokily !!!8220;yes, are you pregnant?!!!8221; I was speechless and just kind of said no and got to the point of my question. This guy is not my boss and the more I thought about it, I realised how out of order that was for him to say. I looked up sexual discrimination and it includes being asked inappropriate questions and banter. In hindsight I wish I!!!8217;d replied !!!8220; no but today is Day one of my period as you!!!8217;re so interested in my fertility!!!8221;.

I decided not to take it any further as I don!!!8217;t want to cause awkwardness and he clearly does not know my situation. However I spoke to some female colleagues who said it was the fact I!!!8217;d said !!!8220;can I talk to you for 2 minutes!!!8221;, and also the stress of 3 other people on the team on long term sick at the moment. Anyway I was shocked and just couldn!!!8217;t quite believe it- it!!!8217;s really not something I would dare joke about, especially in the work place. Or is that me being oversensitive?

selement

I have told a few friends we're trying and you are right they do keep asking about it... and I kinda wish they wouldn't . It hasn't quite been long enough to feel too sensitive about it but it might be soon!

Having a weird AF. 2 days medium flow (I usually have 1 heavy day) and today spotting (normally goes on 4 days total!). Too heavy to not be AF but it's odd it's being different right?

NelliePie

I've told a couple of people we'll be trying after the wedding but not really told anyone we're not preventing now. I'm not looking forwards to all the noseyness, It feels so personal and private between the two of us (and you!) that we're not ready to let anyone else in yet.

We dtd twice over the weekend, Ovia is predicting fertile window from today until Saturday. It's less thank likely we'll BD during the week as we both have busy stressful weeks at work, We're out with friends on all weekend so we'l see. I doubt we'll hit this month but we'll see.

Good luck to all

KatieBee123

T4taylor - how rude! Whether he made he comment in stress or not it shouldn!!!8217;t have been made!

I!!!8217;m glad it!!!8217;s not just me. I was biting my tongue because I just thought why are you annoyed I haven!!!8217;t involved in every second of the journey so far? Why is it your business? It!!!8217;s not going to affect your life is it?

I hear when you have babies you find out what go your true friends are, time will tell. But I sure as hell won!!!8217;t be making all the effort when I have a little one to cart round with me that!!!8217;s for sure!

God the stress!!

Counting down til testing Wednesday going to get the first response early result ones, Wednesday still but be too early but I don!!!8217;t think I can wait much longer!! Xx

Rambosmum

Didn't tell a soul the first time, nor this time. It isn't anyones business. Also didn't tell anyone until after the scan. Or about my miscarriage, but I am a very private person and don't involve anyone in stuff like this!

slothsocks

Hi everyone! I'm still here, still waiting to start my IVF drugs.

Have you done a test selement? When I was pg I got my AF as normal, was just a bit lighter than usual, but I knew I was pg cause I felt awful so I tested and it was BFP.

We didn't tell anyone we were TTC or when we were pg, until after the scan, when we thought we were 'safe'. And even then we only told immediate family. This time we have had to tell our parents as we needed to borrow money from them/ ask for help with appointments etc. but we didn't mention it till very late on, when it was apparent that things were not going to go as smoothly as before. I honestly think the less people you tell the better, but then you've got to balance that with where you're going to need support.