Single ladies

Gavin83

Ronnierhino7 wrote: »

Nope lol missed that I would say yes she was prob out of my league for me but we all view people differently what I may find attractive you may find ugly so it's swings and roundabouts correct?

Do you not think its a tiny bit hypocritical to complain about people going for looks when you've clearly targeted an attractive woman yourself?

I have to be honest, people say they don't go for looks but that certainly isn't my experience, from either gender. I know a lot of couples and I genuinely can't think of one where I'd say one of them is more attractive than the other. I know traditionally attractive people but they have traditionally attractive partners. Similarly I know people that society would deem 'less attractive' but they also have less attractive partners. I guess this is just the way society works.

I guess the moral to the story is this, if you wanna have more luck stop trying to punch above your weight.

I'm also sorry to be so honest but it's what I've observed.

mark5

I think if you asked a man and a woman for the 10 most important things in a partner/relationship about 7 or 8 things would be the same.

Go one step further and ask them to put the 10 things in order of importance and then you start to see the differences.

Regarding looks, I think after a while of being single you start to get a good feeling of who's in your league, who's not and if your punching above your weight, where's the catch?

You can say you don't like to judge but for me I could meet a girl who I think is stunning and really like but if it soon become apparent at 37 that her longest relationship is a year, she's got 3 kids by 3 guys, out of 20 years since she left school she's hardly worked, goes clubbing every Saturday I think she's probably the wrong one for me.
Girl 2 is pretty but not stunning, she's got 3 kids with her ex who she was with 10 years, worked full time until she had kids and now works part time, likes to meet up with her friends regularly but sees her clubbing days as behind her.
I know which one I would bet on lasting if they were both interested in the beginning.

FBaby

I have to be honest, people say they don't go for looks but that certainly isn't my experience, from either gender.

It really depends on the situation. There is nothing wrong with going for looks, but that doesn't mean selecting only drop dead gorgeous people. When my OH sent me a message, I was really taken by his words. Then his profile ticked all the boxes but his picture was a real turn off. Thank God I didn't bin him on this basis because when I met him, I saw a man with a lot of charm and charisma and a huge heart warming smile and I found him physically attractive right away.

What makes me shallow is that I don't think I could fall in love with someone I didn't find attractive, but my appreciation of attractive is not the likes of Beckham or Pitt, far from it! I think confidence alone (but not arrogance!) makes a man very attractive.

Ronnierhino7

Gavin83 wrote: »

Do you not think its a tiny bit hypocritical to complain about people going for looks when you've clearly targeted an attractive woman yourself?

I have to be honest, people say they don't go for looks but that certainly isn't my experience, from either gender. I know a lot of couples and I genuinely can't think of one where I'd say one of them is more attractive than the other. I know traditionally attractive people but they have traditionally attractive partners. Similarly I know people that society would deem 'less attractive' but they also have less attractive partners. I guess this is just the way society works.

I guess the moral to the story is this, if you wanna have more luck stop trying to punch above your weight.

I'm also sorry to be so honest but it's what I've observed.

Not really as I didn't judge her on her looks you ask the question so I answered so how is that been a hypocrite

Ronnierhino7

FBaby wrote: »

It really depends on the situation. There is nothing wrong with going for looks, but that doesn't mean selecting only drop dead gorgeous people. When my OH sent me a message, I was really taken by his words. Then his profile ticked all the boxes but his picture was a real turn off. Thank God I didn't bin him on this basis because when I met him, I saw a man with a lot of charm and charisma and a huge heart warming smile and I found him physically attractive right away.

What makes me shallow is that I don't think I could fall in love with someone I didn't find attractive, but my appreciation of attractive is not the likes of Beckham or Pitt, far from it! I think confidence alone (but not arrogance!) makes a man very attractive.

That's nice, there is prob a lot more shallow woman about to be honest like I know woman will message guys and when the a really cute guy comes along there will stop speaking to you and even block you for no reason, I don't judge people for anything as I have been through a lot in my life so know how it feels to be judged.

I think online dating is a experiment and its trying to find the right balance.

fierystormcloud

Ronnierhino7 wrote: »

That's nice, there is prob a lot more shallow woman about to be honest like I know woman will message guys and when the a really cute guy comes along there will stop speaking to you and even block you for no reason, I don't judge people for anything as I have been through a lot in my life so know how it feels to be judged.

I think online dating is a experiment and its trying to find the right balance.

No, there really aren't. You are just seeing this because you're dealing with women.

Women are no more 'shallow' than men.

I'm sorry you have had poor experiences with women, but you can't tar us all with the same brush.

I have actually found many more men (for instance) who insist on a good looking slim woman, than I have women who insist on a good looking slim man. Many women would prefer a man who is kind, funny, and treats her well, but is a 5 out of 10 looks-wise, rather than a David Beckham lookalike who is a total git who treats her like rubbish and cheats on her.

I do agree with Gavin, that you're coming across as a bit hypocritical.

Gavin83

Ronnierhino7 wrote: »

Not really as I didn't judge her on her looks you ask the question so I answered so how is that been a hypocrite

Ok fine. If looks aren't important to you go on a date with a woman who isn't conventionally attractive. You might have more luck.

fierystormcloud wrote: »

Women are no more 'shallow' than men.

I'm sorry you have had poor experiences with women, but you can't tar us all with the same brush.

I have actually found many more men (for instance) who insist on a good looking slim woman, than I have women who insist on a good looking slim man. Many women would prefer a man who is kind, funny, and treats her well, but is a 5 out of 10 looks-wise, rather than a David Beckham lookalike who is a total git who treats her like rubbish and cheats on her.

I don't think men or women are more of less shallow than one another either. Both sexes will want someone they find attractive. Of course different people find different things attractive but that's life.

I think most people would rather someone they get on with and treats them well. However when you first meet someone you don't know if this'll happen or not. All you really have to go on when you first meet is someone's looks and their personality, at least the personality they wish you to see.

I genuinely think the vast majority of people will go for the most attractive person they feel is actually achievable. As I said I can't think of a single couple where I'd say one is more attractive than the other. The exception is older people who have been together for years where one has aged worse than the other.

As much as people like to think they don't go for looks I just don't see this as true, or even shallow for that matter. Why shouldn't looks be important?

piglet74

If I could find a man who is honest, hard working, loyal, wouldn't cheat, treats me right, and made me laugh, i could trust him, etc... I honestly wouldn't care what he looked like.

All that said, it takes a lot of time to figure all that out, initially and in the meantime, you depend on an attraction to bring you together.

FBaby

That's nice, there is prob a lot more shallow woman about to be honest like I know woman will message guys and when the a really cute guy comes along there will stop speaking to you and even block you for no reason, I don't judge people for anything as I have been through a lot in my life so know how it feels to be judged.

But would you want to take things further with such a woman? That's part of the process, ideally you eliminate quite a few of them before you find one who after a few message/phone calls you really want to meet.

fuzzyduck22

piglet74 wrote: »

If I could find a man who is honest, hard working, loyal, wouldn't cheat, treats me right, and made me laugh, i could trust him, etc... I honestly wouldn't care what he looked like.

All that said, it takes a lot of time to figure all that out, initially and in the meantime, you depend on an attraction to bring you together.

This! And I would be the same in return