Negligent legal advice cost me my home in divorce

Pollycat

Guest101 wrote: »

Was, past tense.


Mr jones lives in my childhood home, but my parents sold it to them. Just like her parents sold it to her ex husband.


Whilst I think she does have a case, it's certainly not going to be won on emotional arguments like this.

Exactly where is the emotional argument?
I merely asked a poster to clarify their comment.

iammumtoone

missbiggles1 wrote: »

Or because we ourselves have direct experience of abuse and not of the sort that you only realise is abuse later.:)

I am glad for you that you had the upbringing/knowledge that you realised what happen to you. As believe me discovering it after the fact is not nice. But then again others may say they wished they didn't know the full seriousness of what was happening to them at the time. Everyone is different and reacts differently to things but thats not to say that just because most people know what was happening everyone does.

In my case I was a child, children have not yet learnt the ins and out of what is classed as abuse, i did not find out until I was an adult. In the OPs case again as a child they witnessed abuse leading them to think that behaviour was normal. Both these circumstances are valid situations why not realising you are being abused could happen, you seem to be implying that we are both lying which is wrong to say as it could potentially stop someone else in this position who was thinking/wanting to report an incident years after the event due to the fact that no one would believe they did not realise it at the time.

missbiggles1

iammumtoone wrote: »

I am glad for you that you had the upbringing/knowledge that you realised what happen to you. As believe me discovering it after the fact is not nice. But then again others may say they wished they didn't know the full seriousness of what was happening to them at the time. Everyone is different and reacts differently to things but thats not to say that just because most people know what was happening everyone does.

In my case I was a child, children have not yet learnt the ins and out of what is classed as abuse, i did not find out until I was an adult. In the OPs case again as a child they witnessed abuse leading them to think that behaviour was normal. Both these circumstances are valid situations why not realising you are being abused could happen, you seem to be implying that we are both lying which is wrong to say as it could potentially stop someone else in this position who was thinking/wanting to report an incident years after the event due to the fact that no one would believe they did not realise it at the time.

I don't think you need any special sort of upbringing/knowledge to know that regularly ending up on the floor covered in blood is abuse, even if you don't realise that the emotional pressures that stop you leaving are in a different category.

swingaloo

I would like to see someone wave a magic wand and make things right for you and your children but dont see that happening.

What confuses me is that after being with him so long, having children and deciding to make the break from him you didnt google as to your rights.

One post on these forums would have told you to stay put and that you were entitled to more. There are endless websites telling you your options yet you listened to one person and blindly gave everything up. If I had been told there was no option but to walk away with nothing I would have been so mad and felt it was so wrong that I would have been researching all night to see if there was anything I could do and this would have produced info that the solicitor was giving you incorrect advice within minutes.
Im just amazed you didnt try the CAB or Google or even family or friends.
Where were your family and friends when you were walking away with nothing, why did they not tell you to fight.

BeingMe

Haras, actually, it's more like you go to a mechanic worried about the brakes. He looks at it and says, no all fine. He doesn't charge you because he didn't do anything. You drive the car relying on his advice and have an accident, the mechanic is still liable. That is what the first solicitor did. She gave her professional opinion in a professional setting where she purported to be a professional. The fact that I didn't pay for that advice is irrelevant. If she'd given me options which I then didn't follow or said sorry I'm not sure, I need more info, then that would have been different. She categorically told me I should move out and didn't mention home rights. Whether I'd have got a settlement is also irrelevant. That advice right there was negligent because any other professional doing their job would have advised me to stay put before divorcing or registered my rights as a minimum.

FBaby, I'm not a victim, I'm a survivor. I absolutely know I was the 'victim' of negligent advice. I couldn't care less if you all think of me as a victim or not. I'm not asking for sympathy, just advice on the contract issue. I'm also not saying I would definitely get anything but the facts are these: long marriage, children, substantial estate with large amount of equity. The chances of me being awarded nothing or even just a few £1000 would have been extremely slim indeed. And it isn't me saying that a judge will award what I'm asking, I've had several solicitors say I have a very good case to go for 50% minimum. I think what I'm asking for is very reasonable actually. He also didn't pay my debts - I did (just the last £1000 and I'm debt free). I don't know how you can deduce what my thought pattern is based on the small amount I've posted but I am seeing different solicitors and weighing up my options.

Missbiggles, yes I did know about some of his affairs. I did try to leave - many times. It's not that straightforward with an abuser. He made me think I wasn't worthy of anyone nice, he made me think I deserved his ill treatment. That is how they get away with it.

Tigster, Iam, cruising - thank you for understanding, and for taking the time to reply.

Miss boggles - the attitude that abuse is only abuse where it is very obvious like being in pools of blood regularly is a fallacy and a dangerous one that keeps women like myself from identifying their abuse and seeking help because it's 'not that bad'. What the hell do you know about what was going on in my mind during my 13 year relationship which started when I was a minor (17)? This comment has irritated me the most. So I deserved it because what? Because I didn't have the emotionally healthy upbringing to know it wasn't right? Another bit of victim blaming going on there.

Swingaloo - on the contrary. I'm a member of another forum and posted about it there. I had lots of posters supporting me at the time and not one said they thought the advice was legally wrong. Lots of people saying it was a raw deal though. Same with family. Even FBaby is confused about the rules relating to cohabitation and marriage. Lots of people think the cohabitation period doesn't count and only the marriage. I was expecting the advice to be thus so just accepted it. Doesn't make the advice any less negligent. Lots of people also believe in common law marriage. A solicitor would be negligent to tell a long term cohabiting couple that they have the same legal status as a married couple because they don't, even though lots of people believe this to be the case.

I'm going to take Tigsters advice and say thank you ever so much to the lovely posters who took the time to actually give me advice or different things to think about. I have nothing more to say to the abuse denyers and victim shamers.

Vicky123

The OP appears to have left this board but I would just like to add that she needs to be very careful when it come to solicitors, it's probably quite unusual to be told in one of these free half hour appointments that there's no case, much more likely to be told there is a case and then spend a shed load of money and lose. It's a complete minefield, emotions and real life experience mean nothing once you get inside a family court, indeed, the truth itself means nothing, it's all about what you can prove, balance of probabilities, credibility etc.
An abuser is very dangerous inside a court room and one with money is even more dangerous she could end up feeling abused all over again and many £££'s lighter for the trouble.
That's not to say she shouldn't bother but just be very careful and aware that nothing's guaranteed no matter what the solicitor may say, they go from being all ears and so helpful to being totally unreachable and dismissive as things progress, most especially if the other side is wiping the floor with them.

burnoutbabe

would they not have told you to leave the house with the kids as they were a domestic violence supported lawyer and you were in danger (and had told them he beats you often)? I doubt they would ever have advised you to stay in the house in those circumstances.

FBaby

Even FBaby is confused about the rules relating to cohabitation and marriage. Lots of people think the cohabitation period doesn't count and only the marriage.

I never said that! Cohabitation CAN be taken into account, and often is, but it is not set in the law that it will be because it will depend on other circumstances.

I think some of the messages about being tough on OP probably related to mine, however, although direct and maybe not sympathetic, it because I am actually concerned that OP is about to be abused again convincing herself that she is going to get something just because she believes she deserves it, not realising that what you get in life is not just about what you deserve.

If OP's posts had been something along the line of 'I think I made a mistake previously by putting all my trust in one person providing quick advice, and now looking back, I think I might be able to have a claim on my short marriage assets. I have thought about whether I want to go down the route of legal challenge and what would be my chances of success, and whether it would be worth it and would welcome advice', I probably would have responded differently.

All I get from OP's posts is a sense of desperation both for money and revenge, and I'm just concerned that they could be facing huge disappointment trying to get both that could end up with even more frustration and anger towards other people.

The situation seems to be a very unusual one, for a starter, I can't comprehend any parent's actions to agree to a transaction that was putting their own daughter at risk, and then doing nothing to support/advise her when she lost it, if anything, it is THEM who have lost out most in this process, but you then would need to take into consideration when the house was bought (there's a difference if it was in year 2 or the relationship or two months before being married) and when the equity was built up, ie, if most of the £126k was during the three years OP has left, even if she were to be successful on principle, it could mean little ££ after taking into consideration what the cost of selling would be, add to this the distribution of the debts etc... and really, it becomes almost impossible to take a guess on the outcome, yet OP seems convinced that she is going to get something good out of it.

I really don't mean to be unkind, but sometimes people have to face the reality of their situation so not to get more hurt further down the line.

FBaby

I think Vicky's post provides the best advice of all the posts on this thread!

LilElvis

Of course it's also possible that the OP will get diddly squat if there is no longer any equity remaining in the former marital home - who knows what the ex has done. There could be remortgages, mortgage arrears or other charges over it.