Loan to Friend-what shall I do?

Mr_bob

maisie_cat wrote: »

I also wouldn't, I am one of those people who thinks the best of others and I have loaned money 4 times. 1 was repaid quickly, 1 was repaid but it took 10 years, the other 2 have not been repaid and both the brother and my husband's former best friend are no longer around to chase.
I don't know if it's relevant but the 2 that were repaid were both sisters, is there a gender effect on honourable behaviour?

No I don't believe there is.

Helvetica_Van_Buren

Definitely do not do this.

Even if you have a legal agreement is your wife likely to pursue her friend through the courts and all that entails?

If you're feeling flush, just GIVE them the money and save yourselves the drama - that's what you;d effectively be doing anyway.

tiger_eyes

Mr_bob wrote: »

Thanks again for all the sound advice on here, its been very supportive. I have no one to turn to and feel isolated on this matter. My wife has told me that she has spoken with friends and they are all telling her not to loan the money. Now I feel terrible that my wife is being made to feel the fool. I don't like to see her (or anyone) made to look stupid.

Your wife must be very empathetic and this friendship must be very close if she's still determined to go ahead. Perhaps with her level of sympathy and concern for the friend, it would be helpful for her to imagine how the friend will feel if the friend can't repay - the embarrassment, the awkwardness that will affect their friendship, the risk of breaking off contact out of shame, etc. (Assuming the friend isn't just a chancer.)

AnotherJoe

Mr_bob wrote: »

I am saying no and have explained to my wife why I feel like this. My wife has expressed her feelings on this also. Our money is our money and decisions are made together. I am unable to see a compromise .
Saying that...
My wife has taken the steps to tell her friend on Friday, of the problem it is causing between us hoping that her friend would take the initiative and say forget it ? Her friend never did and has now gone quiet on her.
WHAT A BLOODY MESS!

Hopefully Mr Bob that will make your wife see what sort of a "friend" she is, which is of the fair-weather sort at best.

She asks for money, she wont give a repayment schedule, she wont call you, and she is in essence either planning to defraud the mortgage co by declaring a loan as a gift, or you by telling you its a loan but making you sign that its a gift.\
Given all your wife's friends are saying no as well, then apart from the natural inclination of people not to change their minds even when proved wrong, I hope she'll come round to the majority POV.

Mr_bob

AnotherJoe wrote: »

Hopefully Mr Bob that will make your wife see what sort of a "friend" she is, which is of the fair-weather sort at best.

She asks for money, she wont give a repayment schedule, she wont call you, and she is in essence either planning to defraud the mortgage co by declaring a loan as a gift, or you by telling you its a loan but making you sign that its a gift.\
Given all your wife's friends are saying no as well, then apart from the natural inclination of people not to change their minds even when proved wrong, I hope she'll come round to the majority POV.

Thanks again for the sound advice and support. I've chatted to my wife and I have been able to clearly expressed my point of view because of the comments on here. I've really appreciated the feedback/comments and knowledge given. Its not over but I guess we will work it out as we always do,

photome

A bit late, but its a NO from me.

The friend doesnt seem to be much of a friend anyway as she didnt withdraw the request when told of the problems the 2 of you are having.
and she has also gone quiet on your wife instead of discussing it further.

[Deleted User]

Any person that is willing to knowingly cause marital issues for their friend, for solely their own gain, is not a friend.

dwarak17

Why do you want to lend money to a person that a professional banker thinks is a bad risk?

Just give them the money or be prepared to lose a friend. You might as well lose the friend now and keep your money!

Would they be willing to lend you the same amount under the same conditions? That's not even a question they can answer if they don't have the money to lend to begin with.

csgohan4

Money and Friends/family should never mix

DCFC79

dwarak17 wrote: »

Why do you want to lend money to a person that a professional banker thinks is a bad risk?

Just give them the money or be prepared to lose a friend. You might as well lose the friend now and keep your money!

Would they be willing to lend you the same amount under the same conditions? That's not even a question they can answer if they don't have the money to lend to begin with.

Did you read the thread ?

The OP is the 1 who doesn't want to lend the money, his wife is.