Loan to Friend-what shall I do?

breaking_free

^ As above. This is entirely my point.

This situation could cause so many arguments and put a strain your marriage.

When you approach the friend directly to put this argument to her it will show what kind of friend she is if she insists on continuing to ask for the loan. With luck she will see your point and agree to withdraw. If she does not I would lay it on thick with her "So even though you know you're going to cause distress and arguments between me and my wife you still want our money?" Then ask your wife if she would do the same thing in her friend's shoes (ask for a loan even though she knew it was going to cause fall outs between a husband and wife).

Good luck!

AnotherJoe

Mr_bob wrote: »

Never got the telephone call from the friend The wife and I have since discussed it and have fallen out over it. Not sure where to go with it.

I would point out to your wife that this friend hasn't had the courtesy to call you and explain what the loan is for which should make your wife suspicious about the reason for the loan, maybe it's not to game interest rates due to a better LTV but she is on the financial edge and unlikely to be able to repay added to which it will not be a loan, it will be a gift, you'll have to sign a legal document confirming that.

Have you asked her to read this thread?

David301

Go to the bank, withdraw £3000 cash in £10.00 notes. You will have six piles each of £500. Put them laid out on the kitchen table and tell your wife she can do whatever she wants with it.

£3000 looks a hell of a lot more in cash then it does on a statement.

See how she feels then.

Mr_bob

glennstar wrote: »

There appear to be quite a number of souls herein that feel it is appropriate to SoapBox rather than assist. I know it's a little tedious but let's go back to the basics.

1. it's a good friend of your wife's (for any given value of "good friend"),
2. you can afford the loss (I think you stated this in your original post),
3. you don't need this ill advised action to come between you & your wife,
4. you are;
   • happy to appear magnanimous in the event that things bomb,
   • happy to have been the supportive party if things pan out - with a likely caveat that we probably don't need to do this again any time soon

Consequently, write the cash off, hope for the best, expect the worst and move on.


Look back at this in 10 years time and ask yourself "was £3k worth jeopardising my well being, happiness and marriage?". If the answer is not a resounding "NO" then you probably have more issues than this forum can assist you with.

NO (you are right and thanks)

Mr_bob

AnotherJoe wrote: »

I would point out to your wife that this friend hasn't had the courtesy to call you and explain what the loan is for which should make your wife suspicious about the reason for the loan, maybe it's not to game interest rates due to a better LTV but she is on the financial edge and unlikely to be able to repay added to which it will not be a loan, it will be a gift, you'll have to sign a legal document confirming that.

Have you asked her to read this thread?

I guess it Is is for that reason. I wanted to speak with her to see if she had gone to an independent mortgage broker, has she looked at government first time buyers assistance etc..To put an offer on a house before she had a mortgage in place is a bit silly to me.

I may just give in and retreat, its making me feel ill. I will just refuse to visit and do any jobs for her or allow her to stay with us when Im around.

annie_d

I think if you have it and you can afford to lose it, just give it.

robatwork

Bit late to this party but my 2p:

Which would you be prepared to lose?

1) The friendship and the £3000
2) The £3000

Pick 1) for the loan and 2) for the gift.

kerri_gt

Rather than phone calls, could you arrange to go out for a meal or something with all parties to discuss - somewhere neutral.
Has your wife actually said why she wants to lend the £ apart from the fact its a friend of hers? Are they good friends or recent acquaintances? Does the friend have any family she could approach?

Whilst I do appreciate that you should never mix £ and friendship, we have been in situations where we've lent friends £ and had it paid back and vice versa.

Mr_bob

I would like to thank all that have contributed to this post , its has been very helpful. The matter is still outstanding and I am unable to find a solution. Im still 100% against it.
My only positive feelings towards it is, making it formal via a solicitor, so I have recourse. The only other way forward is to split our finances and then my wife can do what she wants with her half. In either case, I would not engaged with her friend, here or at the new home. Already it has caused problems.

robatwork

Mr_bob wrote: »

making it formal via a solicitor

Bad idea

The only other way forward is to split our finances and then my wife can do what she wants with her half.

Terrible idea.

You should do everything with your wife as a couple - a split in your finances will only cause problems later. Make this decision as a couple, even if one of you has to compromise.

For the sake of your marriage you should go with my option 2) above