can anyone please offer advice on dealing with this child

southoftheriver

They are lucky to have a supportive but sensitive grandparent like you helping them through. I wish your grandson all the very best.

duchy

HurdyGurdy wrote: »

Oh, and one thing I would add is that to the best of my knowledge, Johnny was never really socialised as a baby. No parent & toddler groups, no playgroups, no coffee mornings, or "round to a friend's house to play". I haven't really explored this with Ann, as I didn't want it to come across as interfering and accusatory. But that might possibly partly explain why Johnny doesn't interact very much.

Wow you really don't like her do you !
I think you are very wise to keep such accusations to yourself.
Why did the child's father and grandparent (thatll be you) if the mother was caring for a sick relative not offer to take the child to play groups and the like if you felt the child was missing out?

Frankly I think your accusation is unlikely at best- If a child is as seriously developmentally delayed as this child is - then they will always have had this kind of delay and play groups and play dates would be beyond their capacity. Having a child with this kind of delay is very hard for a mother - especially one with little support from an absent partner and other extended family. Other parents don't want to include them because their child is different - or isn't at the same level etc.

Clearly the child's father due to not living with the child hasn't realized until now just how difficult things are for the mother coping with a child who never sleeps on a daily basis. What is he planning to do to offer her more support with this now he realizes just how difficult things are for her ? What help and support can you as a grandparent offer ? Support to both to the mother and child of course.

The reason for these reports are so that plans can be made to support this child in the transition to school -this can come in many forms including one to one support for the child with a classroom assistant , a more graduated start, all kinds of extra support . The fact this has all been raised before starting school is really positive.The parents should of course be discussing the support available with the education department as some mainstream schools are far better with all this than others. You grandchild's mother will of course need support from both the father and hopefully extended family too - but trying to blame her for the child's problems would be self defeating and quite destructive.

SingleSue

Just a quick point but I found that when the boys were going through the diagnostic process, every little thing was examined mainly because some found it easier emotionally to blame something or someone that could have been an easy fix rather than to accept that the child had a life long disability.

At the time, I didn't find it helpful when the same sort of things were being bandied about but as time has passed, I can now understand why...they didn't want them to be disabled, they were distraught at the thought of that eventuality and were grabbing at whatever straws they could think of.

HurdyGurdy

duchy wrote: »

Wow you really don't like her do you !

Couldn't be more wrong. I think she's lovely, and an excellent mother.


I think you are very wise to keep such accusations to yourself.
Why did the child's father and grandparent (thatll be you) if the mother was caring for a sick relative not offer to take the child to play groups and the like if you felt the child was missing out?

Because we live 180 miles away!!! (as mentioned in one of my earlier posts)

Frankly I think your accusation is unlikely at best- If a child is as seriously developmentally delayed as this child is - then they will always have had this kind of delay and play groups and play dates would be beyond their capacity. Having a child with this kind of delay is very hard for a mother - especially one with little support from an absent partner and other extended family. Other parents don't want to include them because their child is different - or isn't at the same level etc.

Clearly the child's father due to not living with the child hasn't realized until now just how difficult things are for the mother coping with a child who never sleeps on a daily basis. What is he planning to do to offer her more support with this now he realizes just how difficult things are for her ? What help and support can you as a grandparent offer ? Support to both to the mother and child of course.

When I spoke to her yesterday, she said she wants to move to our area so they can live as a family. I will help in every way I can to help them find a home for them to live in. And I cannot WAIT for them to be nearby so that we can all bond with him, AND so that we can all support practically (which I said in one of my earlier posts)


The reason for these reports are so that plans can be made to support this child in the transition to school -this can come in many forms including one to one support for the child with a classroom assistant , a more graduated start, all kinds of extra support . The fact this has all been raised before starting school is really positive.The parents should of course be discussing the support available with the education department as some mainstream schools are far better with all this than others. You grandchild's mother will of course need support from both the father and hopefully extended family too - but trying to blame her for the child's problems would be self defeating and quite destructive.

I am absolutely NOT blaming her in any way. I put the lack of socialisation forward as a possible explanation as to why he is less willing to interact with other children. I didn't say it was the sole reason.

HurdyGurdy

Something I forgot to say yesterday when I posted - When I spoke to "Ann" yesterday on the phone, she was saying how lovely the bond between Johnny and my son is. I was really (very pleasantly) surprised to hear this, as obviously they don't spend much time together and it could have been that they had to learn to "know" each other all over again. Ann said that Johnny "is all over his dad and won't leave him alone". I am so pleased for all of them to hear this

Artytarty

Isn't it lovely to have a little bit of happy news?!
I think you sound very supportive of the family unit and I wish you all well.

maman

HurdyGurdy wrote: »

Thank you all - again - for your comments and input.

I have just spoken with my son on the phone, and they have been visited today by someone from Portage, and a new Health Visitor. Things are being put in place, and they were advised to contact a specific Children's Centre as that one has someone who specialises in toilet training. As I was speaking to my son, his partner was on the phone to the Children's Centre to make an appointment.

They have to go on Monday to complete a CAF, which again, will move things forward for them. The letters about school places are due out soon, but unfortunately, my son's partner didn't know that one of the local schools, that she put third on her choices list due to it's location, actually has a special room for children with sensory needs, which would seem to be ideal. Probably too late to change now, but she will at least give them a call - nothing to be lost by asking.

It seems now that everyone they speak to is inferring autism, but no one's saying the word out loud. But the outcomes of all these meetings, and form filling exercises will all end up on the desk of a paediatrician, so hopefully there will be a definite answer one way or the other before too long.

Obviously, if they move to your area it won't matter but it's worth checking the admissions policy. If your DGS is diagnosed he may be able to get a place as he needs the specialist facility.