Lies we tell our children?

LilElvis

wannabe_sybil wrote: »

I had about half a dozen young kids in the street convinced that there was a dragon living in the outside cupboard under the front steps (previously outside toilet).

We hadn't got a lock on the door then, and there was nitromors inside as well as weed killer. I needed them to stay out.

I used to get my neighbour to bring me coal for the dragon's snacks.

That isn't a little white lie, it's rank stupidity. What if one child had been a little braver than the rest and had opened the door? You know exactly what the outcome could have been.

If you had the time to concoct the story you had the time to to fit a lock.

Baby_Angel

When DD was about 4/5 she was always asking when she would have a baby sister or brother, just like her friends. We did lie to her saying maybe later, but not now. We hoped the question would go away. Even at 8 she was still asking a lot. Then we decided to tell her the truth about her elder sister passing away as a baby and she will simply have to make do with being a single child. She took it amazing well and even accepted death as part of life. She talks about it normally now.

Robisere

ringo_24601 wrote: »

We actually try to be really true to our kids. We won't sugar coat it if people/animals die. They'll get the best explanations we can give to them in a kind way.

I do occasionally tell them they've got a sister who lives in the loft, and if they're not good I'll send them to live with her

Exactly what we did! (well, first paragraph anyway;)) But then we were brought up in villages and live in an even smaller village now, all 4 grandchildren have grown up in the country and see roadkill now and again. Two of them have grown up with a farm field behind the house and have seen bulls "at work" and the occasional dead lamb being eaten by crows. How would I have explained this incident when I was driving two of them home - Car in front hit and killed a fox and Muntjac deer, fox chasing the deer - if they had not known about animals dying, they would have been much more upset than they were. As it was, my grandson gravely instructed the driver to "...be more careful of the animals around here."

gt568

When the ice cream van plays a tune, it means they have sold out. They do it to save you going outside if they haven't any ice cream left....

Armchair23

My two were brought up with the notion that wet kitchen role dealt with pretty much anything other than open fractures.........

barbiedoll

FBaby wrote: »

The worse question is always going to be 'is it going to hurt'. I was face with it when DD had to go for an eye operation. People told me to tell her that it wasn't, but I think this only serves the purpose of providing reassurance and then betrayal. I felt more comfortable telling her that I wasn't sure, probably wouldn't but maybe some part of it might do a bit, but if it was the case, I would do everything I could to relieve the pain and I would be there with her at all time. That was enough to reassure her. I'm glad I did though as when she woke up, she was in great pain but the staff were great and told me to lie next to her in recovery and cuddle her and sure enough, that appeased her.

Yes, I've always done this, I'd rather my kid brace himself for a bit of forewarned pain, than for it to come as a total shock after me lying to him. I'm quite ruthless like that, if it's going to hurt, I'd rather let someone know so that they're prepared!

When he was younger and I had to speak to him about an eye operation, I told him that it would probably hurt afterwards, but not for too long, and that it was ok to cry or shout if he wanted to.
Ever since, we've measured pain on a scale of "hurting enough to cry", e.g. vaccinations...Me: "It will hurt a bit at the time". Him: "Enough to cry?". Me: "Nah, not nearly enough" etc.

When he broke his arm aged 15, he told me that the pain at the time was excruciating. I asked him "Bad enough to cry?" He told me that it was so bad, it made him throw up, and he wasn't sure what was worse in front of his gym mates, crying or vomiting!

My husband used to tell him that all mums have a "secret" eye in the back of their heads, that's how we always know what they're up to. I think he believed that for a good few years! :rotfl:

barbiedoll

Armchair23 wrote: »

My two were brought up with the notion that wet kitchen role dealt with pretty much anything other than open fractures.........

My mum used to solve everything apart from open fractures and accidental amputations, with Germolene. And possibly a Band-Aid, but only if more than a pint of blood was lost..:rotfl:

wannabe_sybil

LilElvis - it took us a couple of days for us to get hold of a lock to fit when the kids moved into the street. The dragon, however, lived there for a few years.

When it comes to telling a child whether it will hurt, I go for the honest approach.

When my nine year old turned to me and asked what the child abuse was after watching the news, I was challenged.

pigpen

wannabe_sybil wrote: »

When my nine year old turned to me and asked what the child abuse was after watching the news, I was challenged.

I think that would be an easier way to explain it than to try to explain to a totally innocent wide eyed child tbh.. it shows it can happen and that it has a massive impact o the children and then you can move the conversation to ways to keep yourself safe and telling a grown up and what is/is not acceptable. It is a hard conversation to instigate without going into too much detail.

seven-day-weekend

FBaby wrote: »

I don't agree in telling children lies to protect themselves. Disappointment is part of every day life and I think it doesn't help children to shelter them from it. It rarely is about the news any way but about how we deliver it. Of course, age is a big part of it, but any child who watches TV will know that toads get eaten.

The worse question is always going to be 'is it going to hurt'. I was face with it when DD had to go for an eye operation. People told me to tell her that it wasn't, but I think this only serves the purpose of providing reassurance and then betrayal. I felt more comfortable telling her that I wasn't sure, probably wouldn't but maybe some part of it might do a bit, but if it was the case, I would do everything I could to relieve the pain and I would be there with her at all time. That was enough to reassure her. I'm glad I did though as when she woke up, she was in great pain but the staff were great and told me to lie next to her in recovery and cuddle her and sure enough, that appeased her.

She is now a teenager but has said to me a number of times that she much prefers that I am honest with her even if it is to tell her what she doesn't want to hear as this way, she is prepared for anything.

I agree with this. Our son had to have his appendix out when he was seven. He was told that it wouldn't hurt while it was being done, because he would be asleep, but that it would hurt afterwards , but that meant that the Doctors and Nurses had done their job right and it was part of making him better. When he awoke, he said it didn't hurt as much as the pain in his tummy that he'd had before.

I also don't agree with lying to them about death. Just explain it in a manner appropriate for their age.

The only thing afaik that I have 'downplayed' was when he was very young, little more than a toddler, we had terrapins. I was cleaning the tank out and scrubbing it out with an old toothbrush. Unknown to me, our son had picked the terrapins up, got his toothbrush and scrubbed them under the hot tap :eek: One had already died when I found out; the lodger had to pull the neck of the other. Obviously I did not say to our son 'you've killed the terrapins', I didn't mention it and iirc he never asked about them. If he had, I'd have said we'd given them away..

I know someone who has told her child that when the ice-cream man is playing his jingle, then it means there's no ice-cream left. I quite like that one!!:rotfl::rotfl: