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How much power do women have regarding access over children in the UK?
applepicker
Posts: 151 Forumite
Have a baby with girlfriend, my name's on the birth certificate and I pay £300 a month for him. I don't really like some of the things she says though. She said that the other day that we should do out wills and that if she died she wanted her sister to look after the baby and that I would have full access. I was angry with this and said I should have him from the age of when he went to primary school. Also, her two other sisters are around 40 and will never have children of their own so my baby is basically shared by the three of them. I feel that at times when I want to see him my girlfriend says oh no such and such sister is taking him out.
As the father, shouldn't I have him when I want over girlfriend's sisters?
Another issue - could I ever win full custody of him? Recently my girlfriend's sister's dog bit me. The two sisters live together. And I have been really angry about it but my girlfriend wont let me go on about it. She keeps saying it was a small bite. It was moderate and bled and I could have gone to the police. I didn't but had it documented at A and E and GPs. Could I use this to have the baby live with me- of course if I tried this she would finally get rid of the dog- would she then be granted the child as a woman? (If I tried this of course our relationship would be strained.)
She has said also, when she's in very bad moods that I will never see him, but I don't think she meant it.
The whole situation with the badly trained dog is complicated, she wants to carry on living with sister (who pays half their mortgage on big house) and the dog (retriever) is the sister's substitute baby (as is my child I suspect) so is careful not to get too harsh on the dog situation with her sister. They are generally kept in different rooms though. I don't always trust the sister with the dog and she occasionally wants the dog to be a apart of things and let it in the room when the baby's on the floor.
It seems that I have no power and that she verbally abuses me and doesn't listen because she has the baby and knows she can do anything to me because I don't want to not see my son. If we split up, access rights actually work, my friend it's a nightmare and his friend had to pay a lot and still couldn't see his kids as much as he likes.
What gives women the right to this much power and what can I do to help myself?
(Would like to note that we are together, but girlfriend doesn't treat me great I suspect because she knows she has baby and that gives her the upper hand in our relationship!) Before he was born she was always scared I would leave her and was much nicer.
As the father, shouldn't I have him when I want over girlfriend's sisters?
Another issue - could I ever win full custody of him? Recently my girlfriend's sister's dog bit me. The two sisters live together. And I have been really angry about it but my girlfriend wont let me go on about it. She keeps saying it was a small bite. It was moderate and bled and I could have gone to the police. I didn't but had it documented at A and E and GPs. Could I use this to have the baby live with me- of course if I tried this she would finally get rid of the dog- would she then be granted the child as a woman? (If I tried this of course our relationship would be strained.)
She has said also, when she's in very bad moods that I will never see him, but I don't think she meant it.
The whole situation with the badly trained dog is complicated, she wants to carry on living with sister (who pays half their mortgage on big house) and the dog (retriever) is the sister's substitute baby (as is my child I suspect) so is careful not to get too harsh on the dog situation with her sister. They are generally kept in different rooms though. I don't always trust the sister with the dog and she occasionally wants the dog to be a apart of things and let it in the room when the baby's on the floor.
It seems that I have no power and that she verbally abuses me and doesn't listen because she has the baby and knows she can do anything to me because I don't want to not see my son. If we split up, access rights actually work, my friend it's a nightmare and his friend had to pay a lot and still couldn't see his kids as much as he likes.
What gives women the right to this much power and what can I do to help myself?
(Would like to note that we are together, but girlfriend doesn't treat me great I suspect because she knows she has baby and that gives her the upper hand in our relationship!) Before he was born she was always scared I would leave her and was much nicer.
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Comments
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She can put in her will that she would like your daughter to be looked after by her sisters but the first thing you would do is apply for custody yourself and the courts will look at your case and most probably grant you that despite what she requests in her will.
Second issue - and really you should have separated the issues out to get a better more directed response. If the dog in dangerous you will have to report the dog as one. Doing nothing won't help.
edit: How old are you and who owns the property you are living in? I would move somewhere else. Is £300/month a fair contribution to the household expenses? You say you are together and as you are living with your child you don't actually have to pay anything into her account as you are paying the household expenses instead. If you're living in someone else's house then get a house of your own.:footie:
Regular savers earn 6% interest (HSBC, First Direct, M&S) Loans cost 2.9% per year (Nationwide) = FREE money. 0 -
applepicker wrote: »I was angry with this and said I should have him from the age of when he went to primary school.
I suspect this is why your girlfriend wanted the baby to go to someone else, to be honest if someone said that to me I would want the same.
If your girlfriend died tomorrow, you want your baby to be looked after by someone else until you want them back at primary school age:eek: You can't do that to a child to be honest it sounds like you only want them once they are at the age you believe they are easier to look after. You should want to look after you child at whatever age they are should the unfortunate happen.0 -
applepicker wrote: »... As the father, shouldn't I have him when I want over girlfriend's sisters?.
You should familiarise yourself with the concept of Parental Responsibility.
https://fnf.org.uk/law-and-information/parental-responsibility0 -
Is there a reason that you don't all live together as a family?0
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Why do I get the feeling that this is far more to do with the power struggles of immature people than any desire to do what is best for the helpless baby in the middle of an insecure situation?0
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The OP's other post this morning is wanting a DNA test, so he is not even sure the baby is his.
If the dog bit you, report it.
Request in writing that you would like to set up a regular schedule to see baby, including over night stays with you.
Are you sure you are in a relationship with this girl. Sounds like she wanted a baby more than a boyfriend.Should've = Should HAVE (not 'of')
Would've = Would HAVE (not 'of')
No, I am not perfect, but yes I do judge people on their use of basic English language. If you didn't know the above, then learn it! (If English is your second language, then you are forgiven!)0 -
You want DNA and custody?
Phone Jeremy Kyle he deals with those sort of cases every day.If you go down to the woods today you better not go alone.0 -
The OP's other post this morning is wanting a DNA test, so he is not even sure the baby is his.
If the dog bit you, report it.
Request in writing that you would like to set up a regular schedule to see baby, including over night stays with you.
Are you sure you are in a relationship with this girl. Sounds like she wanted a baby more than a boyfriend.
Oh dear. It is beginning to sound a bit Jeremy Kyle
Do get the DNA test done if you are unsure.
(sorry, cross-posted with Grumpelstiltskin)0 -
You can't leave a child to anyone in your will - just express your wishes. As mentioned a court may or may not follow those when deciding what is best for the child.
If you are named on the birth certificate ( from 2006) then you have parental responsibility for the child - read up on what that means.0 -
You could ask her to marry you and/or move into your flat and many issues would be resolved.2021 GC £1365.71/ £24000
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