Here we can all be heard for a little while. Part 3

Pyxis

Waves_and_Smiles wrote: »

In Family Tree news my distant cousin and I spent a day emailing each other and both tiptoeing around what we wanted to say. We both said that we knew unpleasant things about the family but we didn't want to upset each other. Eventually he blurted it out and it turns out we knew the same things after all. He knows more than me in some areas which is interesting and slightly alarming. We are now working together and comparing notes, it's actually nice to talk to someone who is aware of my family history but was never part of it.

That's fantastic, WaS!

Has he said whether he's had any problems himself, from a MH perspective?

Waves_and_Smiles

He has suffered with depression as did his father but fortunately most of the bad stuff stopped with his granddad who walked away from everyone. It has caused some difficulties with close relationships within the family from the scars but nothing bad happened to him luckily. I haven't yet mentioned my personal history because I don't want to drop everything on him at once, for now we are talking about our grandparents generations and I shall work up to my own experiences slowly.

Pyxis

Waves_and_Smiles wrote: »

He has suffered with depression as did his father but fortunately most of the bad stuff stopped with his granddad who walked away from everyone. It has caused some difficulties with close relationships within the family from the scars but nothing bad happened to him luckily. I haven't yet mentioned my personal history because I don't want to drop everything on him at once, for now we are talking about our grandparents generations and I shall work up to my own experiences slowly.

Sounds good. At least he has had a little experience of it.

Ooooh! WaSsie! A relative! :T

faerielight

Hi guys.. poss penguin.. new therapist .. I managed to white out the text.. yay

, I started therapy today with a survivors charity, after being on their waiting list for 6 years. it's been years since my last round of therapy, it's a relief but it's really hard being back in that therapy chair cos I know how painful it'll be, but I need to work on my mother issues so badly and also the medical stuff. The therapist seems really nice and very skilled, it ain't gonna be easy, but I'm up for the challenge!!

Waves_and_Smiles

That is wonderful, Faerie! Totally made my day! Have a massive hug! It will be hard and therapy does mean you have to work, remember a therapist is only as good as what you tell them. It will hurt sometimes but be as honest as you can be. So pleased for you!

Waves_and_Smiles

Back in family tree news two things, one not good and one astounding thing.

Firstly the Request of Doom has been made from my cousin. "I would love to hear about your grandmother and mother". He may change his mind if I ever get the courage up to tell him.

Secondly, we both grew up in the East End of London as did all of our family over 400 years. I moved away to live just outside London. It turns out so did my cousin, he lives a 10 minute drive away! What are the chances of that? We are in the same town!

This does of course throw up questions about meeting so I need to rather quickly explain to him why that is extremely difficult for me. Wish me luck with it all!

whitewing

How about WaSp meets up with him initially? (Do men go for coffee??)

Yes, I am pleased for you too, faerie. Shame we can't send the thread pets in with you for cuddles during the session.

Pyxis

Waves_and_Smiles wrote: »

Back in family tree news two things, one not good and one astounding thing.

Firstly the Request of Doom has been made from my cousin. "I would love to hear about your grandmother and mother". He may change his mind if I ever get the courage up to tell him.

Secondly, we both grew up in the East End of London as did all of our family over 400 years. I moved away to live just outside London. It turns out so did my cousin, he lives a 10 minute drive away! What are the chances of that? We are in the same town!

This does of course throw up questions about meeting so I need to rather quickly explain to him why that is extremely difficult for me. Wish me luck with it all!

How about you tell him about your mother and grandmother first, let him digest that info, and then wait for any further questions he might put to you?

If push comes to shove, you could indicate to him how bad your childhood was first, and just take it gradually from there.

Remember to let him know the good stuff, too, like your qualifications and past work, and the online help you're involved with now, and your long-standing relationship with WaSp.
Plus how, with the therapy, your studies and strength of character, you've been able to stay out of hospital!
That all shows how, despite all the inherited stuff and all the abuse you've experienced, you've managed to come through it, and are helping other people deal with their demons.

I wouldn't tell him about the pet slug though...........now that is weird! :rotfl:

Seriously, though, if he's really interested, there is also your very first thread, which has a wealth of info in it. At some point, he might be interested to read that, and then compare it with subsequent threads.

jobbingmusician

Oh Wassie, I am so excited for you (and nervous at the same time!) Yes, I would say tell him that your mum and grandma had MH problems and your relationship with them was strained - and maybe say that it has affected you. Almost as a throwaway remark 'of course, my difficult relationship with them has had effects on my life' and see how he responds to that, maybe?

Good luck! xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

tea_lover

That sounds really positive faerie - well done!