Anyone else out there living with a compulsive gambler?

chiefie

It's an addiction and they are very hard to give up. Only he can give up and only when he accepts that it's gambling or you. And even then the draw could be too much. It's not the winning that is the addiction it's the losing. Doesn't make sense I know.

Louk

I have done, I tried my best to help him help himself but to no avail and so I had to leave with our son. It was not and has not been easy. My journey has included repossession of our home, bankruptcy and a tricky divorce. He not only gambled with our money but our emotions to (he continues to do so to this day - especially with our child). For us it has been devastating but it doesn't have to be for you, I'm not sure what you wanted from your post but I hope things resolve peacefully with you x

System

One of my bf's friends definitely has a gambling problem, he does not know whe to stop and tbh i don't know how his gf puts up with it.

My bf does have the occasional gamble BUT he has set limits and never goes past those limits, for him its a fun hobby that has largely made him a lot of a money (though as i;ve pointed put to him you can;t always be lucky). if he got to the point where it became a serious problem, it would be an issue. But for now i don't mind him doing it as he knows when to stop. (I don't gamble myself as i have no self control and would just lose a lot of money )

Pollycat

focus888 wrote: »

I'm a saver and he is a gambler, im struggling to cope with him being this way as im so strict with my saving and budgeting to get by. Is there anyone else out there in a similar situation as me? thanks x

Are you looking for someone in the same situation as you so you won't feel alone or are you looking for anecdotes on how other people dealt with/are dealing with the problem or are you looking for advice on what to do?

Is this behaviour something new, been going on for a while and newly discovered or has he always been like this and you're worried it's starting to escalate?

C_Mababejive

Get rid...simples..

BigAunty

focus888 wrote: »

Is there anyone else out there in a similar situation as me? thanks x

There are organisations that provide support to people affected by the gamblers in their family. Two are listed here.

http://www.nhs.uk/Livewell/addiction/Pages/gamblingaddiction.aspx

BigAunty

chiefie wrote: »

It's not the winning that is the addiction it's the losing. Doesn't make sense I know.

The way it's been described on the Gamcare website is different to this, though it does partly correspond with what you say

"being 'in action' is the most important thing, rather than winning an amount of money."

I take it to mean the emotions they feel (or who knows. the emotions they manage to block out) as they play, they enjoy the journey that comes from playing, not the end destination of winning a bet. The NHS website says the addition is to the 'anticipation' and 'thrill' aspect.

http://www.gamcare.org.uk/get-advice/why-do-people-gamble

This is an interesting overview of why people become compulsive gamblers. It seems to argue that the gambler has an emotional illness that leaves them stuck in a fantasy:-

Compulsive gambling is the obvious symptom of an emotional disorder. The emotional factors involved are:

• Inability or unwillingness to accept reality
• Emotional insecurity
• Basic immaturity
• Lack of self esteem

http://gamanon.org.uk/?page_id=34

So the OP is asking if anyone can share their experience of living with a gambler but what she is really asking is if anyone else lives with an immature, deluded person with a significant emotional problem, who is stuck in a dream world (that just happens to display itself with the symptom of gambling).

The NHS website also indicates gambling addiction also commonly occurs with alcohol abuse and addiction. Alcohol (and drug) addition is often seen as a form of someone's coping strategy. self-medicating, to deal with mental heath and emotional issues. I suppose this means that gambling falls into this category - a way of diverting the person away from dealing directly with the issues they have, masking it, side-stepping it, trying to avoid confronting and dealing with reality.

girlsmum

My dad was, ended up using money from the company he worked for was arrested and charged, got a suspended sentence. My mum went through hell as did we, on the flip side when he won we had some lovely holidays, the highs were short lived.
Following his arrest he did attended gamblers anonymous and was good for a few years, he did in retirement go back to it. and died with debts.

i am sure some people stop, but there will always be that worry that something will set them off again

Out,_Vile_Jelly

I was once involved with a compulsive gambler. He was charming, great company, VERY good looking, educated, well spoken, went to work in a sharp suit, earned a decent London salary. But his salary was paid into his Dad's account, and his Dad transferred him small amounts regularly; as he would just spend it in the bookies on payday otherwise. If you're in a relationship with a gambler, you have to take on the role of parent; controlling their finances, doling out pocket money and often having to chide/nag which becomes extremely tedious. I wasted too much of my life on him and glad I left with no financial loss (he did pay back loans, eventually, to be fair).

With addictions comes dishonesty as they try to hide the latest excess from you. I honestly would rather be single than bother with all that again.

BigAunty

girlsmum wrote: »

My dad was, ended up using money from the company he worked for was arrested and charged, got a suspended sentence.

Some of the support charities make clear that there is a higher than average propensity towards crimes like fraud/theft by gamblers and getting into debt, which makes sense given that they are in the grip of something they can't control and become desperate for cash.