Anyone else out there living with a compulsive gambler?

focus888

Hi All thank you for all your replies. I love this man, but I do sometimes think life will be easier if I wasn't with him. If i follow my head i be out the door but if i follow my heart i will always give him that extra chance. Its been years but recently i feel like its really taken its toil on me because i'm constantly worried about what the future will be like. I have control of everything but that's what annoys me, that he can still find a way to get around my controls and i don't want the rest of my life to be so strict with everything but then for so long i've imagined our future together so what am i meant to do with all these plans i have been working towards. I know no one can really help me, i just wanted to hear some similar stories, see if there was any light at the end of the tunnel you know.

He gambles with his money but he doesn't know when to stop and for someone who struggles to get the book to balance i feel like its a slap in the face when he behaves this way.

If there is something he could do to make me happy he will do it. I wanted him to join GA meetings and go speak to a doc about it and he did. He says he wants to stop but just doesn't know how and i believe him because i can see him try.

Mojisola

focus888 wrote: »

If i follow my head i be out the door but if i follow my heart i will always give him that extra chance.

Its been years but recently i feel like its really taken its toil on me because i'm constantly worried about what the future will be like.

He gambles with his money but he doesn't know when to stop and for someone who struggles to get the book to balance i feel like its a slap in the face when he behaves this way.

And it is because he cares more about gambling than you.

Unless he seriously wants to change and actually makes an effort, the rest of your life will be as it is now - or worse.

mark5

amistupid wrote: »

I bet that isn't always the case.

"I bet" They can't help themselves, gambling has moved on with Internet gambling and 4g phones.

Junkies, gamblers and adulterers walk away from on your terms!

BigAunty

focus888 wrote: »

I have control of everything but that's what annoys me, that he can still find a way to get around my controls

Yes, it must be very frustrating to give so much of your time and energy over to dealing with his deficiencies, sorting out the issues, trying to reduce the risks, undertake significant planning and tasks that fall onto you because of his lack of responsibility, then he goes and sabotages and undermines your effort time and time again.

Relationships are hard enough as it is but yours will be significantly more complicated because there are three of you in the relationship - an infantile/addicted partner, you and their addiction. Your partner is your primary concern. Your partner's primary focus is their addiction.

focus888 wrote: »

If there is something he could do to make me happy he will do it. I wanted him to join GA meetings and go speak to a doc about it and he did. He says he wants to stop but just doesn't know how and i believe him because i can see him try.

Is he just going through the motions though? Enough to give you the impression that he's 'trying' in order to stop you from leaving. Wouldn't you prefer him to 'do' rather than 'try'?

It is said that some addicts will only truly face up to their issues, make the real changes, find out and deal with the real issues that their addiction is masking, take responsibility for their actions and enter the path of recovery when they hit rock-bottom and have their light bulb moment, the shocking reality of their situation, such as a relationship breakdown or having to move out of the family home or similar.

Does he really have the appetite to change or does he simply make the right noises to you to get you off his back and show you that he's suffering too, then he just simply continues?

The reason I ask is that addicts are accomplished liars. If you take away the words (talk is cheap) and the actions taken (10 minute consultation to a doctor and the odd GA meeting or whatever steps he's taken), what actual true, quantifiable and noticeable change in his actual behaviour have you identified?

Since taken the steps he says he's taken to cure his addiction, what is the actual result - more time at home? a stronger relationship because he is giving you more time and attention? more money in the bank or towards household spending? reduction in debt? less frequent, less expenditure on gambling?

Strip away the rhetoric and the sob stories, and how much better off are you since he started 'trying'?