Allowance for 18 year old

TBagpuss

Savvy_Sue wrote: »

You can also make agreements about what you will / will not do for him.

For example (and I know I've said this before!), when mine started 6th form I stopped doing their washing. That way, they not only learned how to use a washing machine, but when, ie before you put your last clean pair of pants on! I don't iron, so anything they wanted ironing was their own affair (and they knew it!)

I also expected them to clear the table and wash up, not necessarily on a regular basis but certainly whenever they wanted a lift from me! And they had to cook if I was going to be late home from work.

And I had a 'basic shopping list' on the fridge door: they had to check supplies and tick off what we needed from time to time.

Vacuuming was another job I'd ask them to do.

Their rooms were their own affair, so I didn't put their clean clothes away, change their sheets or stuff like that. And woe betide them if they took food or crockery into any room other than the kitchen / dining room and I found the evidence (plates / wrappers left lying around).

DH and I both find cutting the grass very difficult (allergies / exhaustion), so we paid one of them to do that (far too well!) We have hired a gardener since they all moved out.

They all went off to Uni capable of independent living, and didn't find the transition too painful.

We were similar.
We were all expected to help out from when we were very small - to start with (from the age of 5 or so) it would be things such as putting our own toys and books away, and helping to lay and clear the table for meals.
As we got older it would include things such as washing up.

From when we started secondary school we made our own packed lunches if we wanted to take sandwiches to school rahter than have school meals, and at around the same age we had to do out own ironing.

Washing - we didn't do this separately but we were each responsible for ensuring that our own dirty laundry was put in the laundry basket, and were expected tpo help with hanging out washing or bringing it in when asked.

I can't remember when we started to have to make our own beds but probably early to mid teens.

We were also all expected to help with food preparation when asked, and were all taught to cok. My paretns had a rule that you didn't have to eat the meal which was prepared for the family if you didn't like it, but if you didn't want to eat the main meal you were responsible for preparing, cooking and clearing up whatever you did want (and for checking, before you started, that you weren't about to use something which was already ear-marked for another meal).

It worked pretty well, and we all left home capable of looking after ourselves. I imagine that it is easier if you start when the child is young, and gradually build on that, rather than trying to get them to help out for the first time when they are in their teens.

in our family, helping out was never linked to pocket money / allowance, and we were never paid for household or garden chores, it was just just part of being a member of the household.

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel

Bruce11 wrote: »

Our eldest has very recently turned 18. He's in his second year of college (year 13 / equivalent of upper 6th in my day!). He volunteers weekly to help out with dog training and randomly 'earns' £10 per week (but this isn't reliable) as a thank you. He walks our dog for us probably 5 times a week but this is the only thing he routinely does to help around the house, but this is a big help. I would like him to get a part time job but he won't even look for one. As a result of this stand-off, we currently only routinely give him enough money per week for his travel and lunch for college, and we will buy him what he needs, such as essential clothing, rather than what he wants. I'd like to give him more to encourage him to be independent, with the idea that a proper 'allowance' would need to cover the cost of clothes, hair cuts, toiletries etc. However I have no idea what's reasonable. I was thinking £100 per month (giving a surplus of £20 per month after travel and lunch), but not over summer holidays, when he should be working. Is this completely stingy?!

I was told early on it was expected I got a job when leaving school and pay 'digs' (£20 a week - which was returned for college bus fare) - I got my first part time evening and weekend jobs (3 of them!) At 16 and was at college full time.

I think you shouldn't give him money, he won't learn if he gets hand outs. I would personally pay his bus fare, charge dig money for food and let him find his own way - and he will, given time

1886

When I was eighteen I had a driving licence, bought my own car, was at college full time and had two part time jobs. One working evenings in a restaurant four times a week and then working at a fast food joint at the weekend.

I'm not sure how giving your son £100 a month will encourage him in any way. Where is the motivation for him to get a part time job if Daddy is going to give him money for not getting off his !!!!.

Time for some tough love

Spendless

Bruce11 wrote: »

Our eldest has very recently turned 18. He's in his second year of college (year 13 / equivalent of upper 6th in my day!)

I was thinking £100 per month (giving a surplus of £20 per month after travel and lunch), but not over summer holidays, when he should be working. Is this completely stingy?!

If he's in yr13 won't he be finishing in just over a half term-ish and is then free to look for a job with longer hours? My yr11 son has 10 weeks left of schooling after the Easter break which includes taking his exams.

I notice several people have commented on you giving £100 per month, but this isn't quite what you've said. Unless your son can find cheaper or free transport to college and cheaper lunches it's around £5 per week he has in term-time weeks only.

Loanranger

Getting a part time job will not only look good on his cv, give him something concrete to talk about at an interview but also teach him work disciplines that all employers want such as turning up on time, not standing around yawning etc. You are not doing him any favours by colluding with his lazy attitude.

PasturesNew

After school I went to full-time college for two years (Mon-Fri 9am-5pm) after the first year my pocket money (about £1) stopped - and I was only given 4 days' dinner money.

I had to buy all my own clothes/everything and I had to buy materials for my course and I had to pay for some exams and a magazine that some of the lessons were based on.

I worked in the holidays, and at Saturday jobs, to pay for all of that.

Ziggazee

My son is 18 and at college, hoping to go to uni in September. He works part time and has done since he was 16. I give him no financial assistance whatsoever. I did give him the equivalent of his bus pass as petrol money when he passed his driving test and got a car (all paid for by his grandparents btw).


He buys all his own clothes, funds the running of his car, manages to go out partying and I assume pays for most of his own food as I rarely see him these days as he spends a lot of time at his girlfriends house.


Imo it's completely wrong to be giving him an allowance particularly when he refuses to get a part time job.

blu3sky

If your son wants to go to Uni then I would worry about school work suffering if your son takes on part-time work as well. He's got his whole life to learn about the world of work but it's much harder to go back and get better qualifications if you don't get them first time around.

Speaking as someone who was lucky enough to get EMA (in the good old days!) and a small allowance during my A-levels so that I didn't have to work part-time. I got a job as soon as I left school, had a part-time job at Uni and have not been unemployed since (just to reassure you that you're not setting him up to be work-shy/unable to get a job!!!).

pricew1970

blu3sky wrote: »

If your son wants to go to Uni then I would worry about school work suffering if your son takes on part-time work as well. He's got his whole life to learn about the world of work but it's much harder to go back and get better qualifications if you don't get them first time around.

Speaking as someone who was lucky enough to get EMA (in the good old days!) and a small allowance during my A-levels so that I didn't have to work part-time. I got a job as soon as I left school, had a part-time job at Uni and have not been unemployed since (just to reassure you that you're not setting him up to be work-shy/unable to get a job!!!).

Totally agree , my part time jobs distracted me from doing my best academically. Luckily hard graft and an obstinate character got me through. I earn a good salary and will support my son however he needs, financially or otherwise. Why would I let life be hard for him if I can help.

AnnieO1234

When I was in y13/upper 6 approximately 15 years ago, my parents refused to let me get a job. Instead I was given child benefit plus £50 a week. This covered my travel to school (two buses) and everything else including food. I spent most of my time out of the house, would set off around 6:30am and my dad would invariably pick me up from the theatre at midnight. Xxx