It's not a lot, but it's enough

ryanm8655

Re: rental renewal - have you asked about a rolling contract? I’ve done that in the past.

SpekySquarehead

ryanm8655 wrote: »

Re: rental renewal - have you asked about a rolling contract? I’ve done that in the past.

Hey, thanks for the suggestion. I was aware of that yes, but I don't think my landlord is prepared to offer that. Their recent communication was to lower it to 6 months. Maybe that's something I can push back on.


Good morning,

I feel like I've had a busy kind of weekend which started on Thursday night, which was a works night out. We had been told to start work at 12noon on Friday, which gave us a bit of a rope to play with. After sitting watching the football with a few beers and on to the famous Albert Schloss, I was in bed for 12.30 and about £50 lighter (including taxis to and from).

On Friday, I felt worse the longer the day went on so I finished sharp, went to the SM on route home and lay burst on the couch for the remainder of the night. SM spend was around £45.

I then woke feeling fine on Saturday so I managed to go to yoga and then do a decent gym session afterwards. I then went to work for a bit to use my work computer, which is better than my computer at home, to update my CV and send it off to a job at a football club in London. Not that I'm desperate to go but if the right job comes up, I'll stick it in. Nothing to lose.

Sunday, my friends and I had planned to spend the afternoon catching up on the Xbox, so I made sure my morning was busy. I went to the gym, put the washing on, made my lunches for the week (greek chicken salad pittas) and nipped back in to work to make some final amends on my CV. Was craving something sweet for whilst I was sitting down later, so no NSD either.

As for this morning, I forgot to set my alarm so no gym this morning. I've my family coming this weekend, so I need to start early in getting the place spic and span, so that'll start tonight, too.

Hope everyone has a lovely week.

SpekySquarehead

Good morning everyone,

I've had a bit of tough time the last couple of days, consumed with negative thoughts and a distinct lack of oomph - for everything. I've my parents and gran coming this weekend which I'm really looking forward to it and I'm sure that'll make a positive change.

Today is work followed by football training, my first time in ages, which I am also looking forward to. I'll nip into the SM to buy some food for my visitors this weekend and I'd like to give my flat the once over so that it's spick and span. Ideally I'd nip to the gym but as I said, I know that come 5pm/6pm, I won't have the enthusiasm.

NSD 3/17

Have a nice day everyone.

joeyjimbles

Sorry about your low mood. I do see a correlation looking back over your week that you haven't been getting to the gym, which whilst it won't prevent low moods certainly does help a little in coping with them, releasing endorphins and the sense of achievement. Difficult when you have no time, but something to remind yourself on those CBA days.

SpekySquarehead

Well spotted Joey. I was planning on going into a bit more depth, so here it goes;

I had another blip, or I should say, I am having another blip.

It started on Tuesday during work. I’m at my desk, working away, and although I’m focusing on the task in hand, occasionally my mind darts off. Sometimes it will pick up on what’s playing on the radio and sometimes I remember I need to buy milk. This is nothing new. But on Tuesday, my mind went in a downward spiral as it did back in May.

It started with, “you’ve been here a year and not made 1 sale”.

To, “Hopefully I get positive news from the job I applied for in London”

To, “Aw, yeah, so you move even further away from everyone you know with no guarantee you’ll do any better there”

To, “You’re clearly terrible at your job and out of your depth. What a waste. What a waste of a life. What’s the point of living?”

All the above went through my head in the space of a few seconds and as soon as I thought that final thought, I caught myself. I was startled into subconsciously slapping myself out of it. “Crazy thoughts”, “Why the hell did you just think that?”, “Life is good”. But again, I can’t forget the fact that I thought it. It’s consumes my thoughts. What scares me the most is, what happens if I think that same thought again but it lasts for more than a few seconds? What if it lasts minutes, hours or days? Because a lot can happen in that time.

But it didn’t really stop there. I lost my enthusiasm for work. I had things to do and all the time to do them but I just didn’t want to, which is sooooo unlike me. Then when I realised I was getting nowhere I closed the laptop and headed to the gym. A past time I love and look forward to each day. But I dragged myself there and once I was in, I again just couldn’t be bothered. Not that I was tired but I just didn’t want to do it. Again, unlike me. I decided to go home, utterly dishevelled on what was happening in my own head. “I know, I’ll play the xbox with my mates for an hour, it’s always a good laugh”. But when the time came to it, I couldn’t face them. I didn’t want to. I knew I’d be putting a face on, laughing away and making jokes, when I didn’t want to. What’s going on? Why do I not want to do anything?!

I went to bed early, slept like a log and when my alarm went off at 5am for the gym, I again couldn’t be bothered. This isn’t anything new to be fair, I mean, who does want to get up that early, but my oomph has left me. I still feel the same now. It’s not a lack of energy, I’ve not lost my appetite or ability to sleep, I just can’t be arsed with anything, really.

On the plus side, I have my family coming to visit this weekend which I’m looking forward to. They’ve all got ailments themselves and are all serial worriers, so I’m not going to tell them about this episode. Not now anyway. I also have my yearly review in work on Friday in which I plan on telling my boss how I’ve been feeling. Not sure what I’m expecting in return but I think he needs to know and I think I’ll feel better for telling him.

SpekySquarehead

Morning everyone,

Yesterday, as I left work, I began to feel slightly better. I nipped into the SM and then had my weekly catch up with my gran, who is also going through a bit of tough time. I then had football training, the first time in months. My knee held up ok and I enjoyed it. Good to be back with the lads.

True to recent form, no gym this morning. I calculated 9 hours of uninterrupted sleep and yet I still feel like I could have slept another 9. Anyway, I'm in work and have a busy day today, including my yearly review in which I intend to tell my boss how I've been feeling of late. But now that I'm feeling a bit better, it seems to dramatic and embarrassing in hind sight. Yesterday was Mental Health Awareness Day, and seeing some stories has given me a bit more confidence to open up in work. We'll see how it goes.

Tonight, I have my family coming down for the weekend (and the dogs!!!) which I'm really looking forward to. First time I've seen them in 5 or 6 weeks, which is probably my longest stint to date. Hopefully the weather is nice and we go on some nice walks and do things. Really looking forward to it.

No spends yesterday = NSD 4/17

Mx_Emmin

Hang in there hun
I've had my own spell with mental health and it does get better, but going to the gym will help. Endorphins and all that.

VelvetFreak

Hi Speky, sorry you haven't been feeling great lately. Enjoy the weekend with your family I hope you start feeling better soon. I agree with the above, try and get yourself to the gym as much as you can, I know that always makes me feel better.

Is there anything you can do or change to make life a bit more interesting? It seems like maybe you're stuck in a bit of a rut? I know spending money isn't always the answer, but perhaps some kind of a little pick-me-up will help. Go with a friend to dinner, buy some new clothes, go see a movie, something like that.

SpekySquarehead

Mx_Emmin wrote: »

Hang in there hun
I've had my own spell with mental health and it does get better, but going to the gym will help. Endorphins and all that.

Thank you. You're right. I've never felt worse after going to the gym but last week, I just didn't want to. Even though I was sitting in the gym, with my gym clothes on and all the time in the world. I just didn't want to. But I should've forced myself. I'd have felt better after.

VelvetFreak wrote: »

Hi Speky, sorry you haven't been feeling great lately. Enjoy the weekend with your family I hope you start feeling better soon. I agree with the above, try and get yourself to the gym as much as you can, I know that always makes me feel better.

Is there anything you can do or change to make life a bit more interesting? It seems like maybe you're stuck in a bit of a rut? I know spending money isn't always the answer, but perhaps some kind of a little pick-me-up will help. Go with a friend to dinner, buy some new clothes, go see a movie, something like that.

Thanks for the suggestion. Yeah, I considered a pick-me-up but soon shot it down when I realised it'll likely cost me. Which I'm kind of sad about. Am I turning into a miserable tight man? It doesn't have to cost an arm and leg, I know. It's something I need to have up my sleeve for the future though, good thinking.

Good morning everyone,

Well, I feel much better than I did last week. On Friday, I had my yearly review with my boss and I kicked off the meeting by telling him the difficulties I was having in my own head. He admitted to noticing a difference in me of late and being a bit more 'distant'. He then went on to provide with me some really sound advice and we spent close to an hour talking about it. The remainder of the review was mostly positive from my perspective, so I left on Friday feeling better and looking forward to my family arriving later.

They did. My mum, step-dad, their 2 dogs and my gran spent the weekend with me and it was great. We enjoyed some nice food, went long walks with the dogs and had a merry time. I really appreciate them making the trip down, it means so much and it almost has a holiday feel to it. It was sad to see them go but it's my turn to do the journey this weekend as I've a leaving party to attend.

I forced myself to the gym this morning, as some of you have rightly suggested, I does help with my mood. I've got yoga tonight too, which, as always, I'm looking forward to. Not much else planned.

No spends over the weekend takes me to 7/17.

joeyjimbles

Gonna make another suggestion, what are you interested in besides work and the gym? You don't have to tell us but I think it would be great for you to find and join a group where you will meet people and perhaps do something together - climbing, hiking, model trains, assisting a foodbank, volunteering ...whatever floats your boat but something else to focus on and look forward to and where you'll meet some more people doing something you already enjoy. Another element to your week.