Advice/Help Please. New location disappointed...

RedfordML

Bless you.

Best feedback I have had in a while. Only I can take control of my life. Lose the weight, get happy, then get a new job!

moneyistooshorttomention

PasturesNew wrote: »

Moving wouldn't solve anything. You'd go from a home where 1 person was disappointed to one where everybody was disrupted and potentially disappointed. You'd have four people saying it was "your fault" if they disliked the new move. As it is they're happy/oblivious, so you're not being blamed for their current location.

You need to work out how to make things better for yourself where you are, not uproot the family again.

You need to find stuff to do and people to see. Join stuff, go to stuff.

I would tend to agree with this.

Somewhere "new" will have initial problems anyway. I'm not sure whether a former place revisited after some years or a totally new place would create the bigger problems personally.

Whatever the situation is - it is probably the case that new friends will have to be made either way (and...yes...it can sometimes boil down to a very specific "agreement" of "It looks like we are going to be friends from here on in - are we?"). I did indeed say that to what has turned out to be my best friend where I am now - as we both of us were in the same position and we agreed, at that point, that we would indeed be friends with each other.

It really does boil down imo to thinking "Right what places am I going to shop? What places am I going to go for leisure purposes? Who looks like they would be a potential friend for me?" and taking a very "logical" approach to working out whats what on all these fronts.

Whether it be in a new or "old" place - probably much the same applies of "Bit by bit and place by place or person by person = a new life will emerge". By now I've worked it out that there seems to be a ratio of = 1 new friend and a noticeable number of acquaintances per every other new activity etc tried out. I guess that's not bad...

moneyistooshorttomention

RedfordML wrote: »

I am struggling with finding a job role and I think that is having a big impact on my life. I have a nice house, 3 great kids but feel my life is missing something.
.

Re the "missing something" comment - and I think that may be down to the fact that we all of us have a "set of assumptions" that we run our lives on.

Whatever those "assumptions" are - there will be some that will be very very "personal" to us and they may be ones that are very different to the way our particular society functions (but we know are commonplace in some other societies for instance).

I think that probably absolutely all of us have one or two very very basic choices/assumptions made about our lives that we take for granted - but come to realise are different to most of the people in our own society. That's just how it is and it comes as a pleasant surprise when we discover that A.N. Other also has a very similar basic set of assumptions/opinions/decisions about life and we can be open with them about how we think/what we have decided.

Look at it this way - and I've had a recent conversation with a new friend about how she feels about having saved her husbands life - only to find that that doesn't seem to be what he wanted at all.

So if two people in a long marriage don't know each other well enough to know how they both think on something as basic as that - then it cannot be surprising to feel that there is "something missing". I think that "something missing" is someone who really gets where we are at - and that will, most likely, come from someone that thinks the same way as us in very basic/important ways.

pollydollydoodah

Oh Redford I could have written this post. Very very similar position.
Felt miserable since we moved and eaten my way out of it...three stones later and it's slowly improving.

Some advice which helped me....
Number 1-don't move. You'll make it worse ! (Believe me I did that!!) Frying pan into the fire.
Do you need to change your mind set....As I personally was hating where we are and appearing stand offish and rude as I was angry that I made the mistake.
Can you take a course...college/uni/or even a hobby type course?
Can you join a local group to mix with people
Join a gym or fitness club...meet people and lose weight.
Befriend people even if it's saying hello to the same person who serves you in the coffee shop....if you're having a crappy day, it can make a difference.
Can you join toddler groups or are your little ones school age?
Is there any clubs you could run (guides cubs etc) or could you help at school or the PTA? (If that's your kind of thing)
You mentioned you're nearer family....can family help?
I ask as we moved nearer family and see them less often than when we lived a few hours away this adds to our resentment but if yours are helpful could you make the most of it our celebrate the fact you're nearer them?
I do think once you 'accept' it, it feels easier. We all make mistakes and some you can't undo easily so you have to change your outlook and opinions on them.
Invest some time in yourself as it sounds like that may help.
Hope I've been some help. Hope it gets easier.x

ScorpiondeRooftrouser

moneyistooshorttomention wrote: »

Whatever the situation is - it is probably the case that new friends will have to be made either way (and...yes...it can sometimes boil down to a very specific "agreement" of "It looks like we are going to be friends from here on in - are we?"). I did indeed say that to what has turned out to be my best friend where I am now - as we both of us were in the same position and we agreed, at that point, that we would indeed be friends with each other.

It really does boil down imo to thinking "Right what places am I going to shop? What places am I going to go for leisure purposes? Who looks like they would be a potential friend for me?" and taking a very "logical" approach to working out whats what on all these fronts.

Whether it be in a new or "old" place - probably much the same applies of "Bit by bit and place by place or person by person = a new life will emerge". By now I've worked it out that there seems to be a ratio of = 1 new friend and a noticeable number of acquaintances per every other new activity etc tried out. I guess that's not bad...

You don't really have any idea what a friend is, do you.

moneyistooshorttomention

Oh grow up....

Winter_Phoenix

Redford, you seem to have spent several years very happily planning and organising your move back to Norfolk.

Are you the sort of person who enjoys having a clear and specific goal to work towards, one which takes plenty of strategy, tactics, forward planning?

If so, finding the next goal might inspire you and put you back on the path to personal happiness. And having a whole series of goals, one after another, should prevent this flat, unhappy, "I've achieved my objective" plateau you seem to have reached.

ScorpiondeRooftrouser wrote: »

You don't really have any idea what a friend is, do you.

I don't know Moneyistooshorttomention offline, but we've exchanged a few PMs online over the last couple of years. If we lived anywhere near each other, I think we might well be friends. She always seems to be doing her best on these boards to help people, even if (being human like the rest of us) she sometimes gets it wrong. And "being kind and helpful" is something which I personally like and value highly in my friends.

moneyistooshorttomention

Thank you WP - aw:D:T

I'll get t'kettle on for a brew if you're ever in the area...

ScorpiondeRooftrouser

Winter_Phoenix wrote: »

I don't know Moneyistooshorttomention offline, but we've exchanged a few PMs online over the last couple of years. If we lived anywhere near each other, I think we might well be friends. She always seems to be doing her best on these boards to help people, even if (being human like the rest of us) she sometimes gets it wrong. And "being kind and helpful" is something which I personally like and value highly in my friends.

I fail to see any relevance in that to my comment.

I'll reiterate; if you think you become friends with people by asking if they want to be friends and think that depending on their answer then you either are or are not, you have no idea what a friend is.

cattie

As you mention being overweight, could you find a slimming club locally? They are great places to meet people, especially as you all have the same goal in mind. I know a few people who continue to go even after reaching their goal weight, simply for the social aspect.

I'm quite a reserved person so don't really make friends that easy, but when I moved to a completely new area some years back, I started going along to a craft club I found out about. I wasn't even into crafts then, but found out I enjoyed it so much I got quite heavily addicted to papercrafts especially & I've I made some very good friends there.

I think once you can find a shared or common interest with people, making friends through it can be quite easy.