Advice/Help Please. New location disappointed...

RedfordML

Hi all,

When our family moved I got some great advice on here, so just looking for a bit more...

My family, (partner & 3 young children) moved back to Norfolk after 10 years away, back to a town we lived 10 years previous, and had fond memories of. Both my partner and my parents live in around the town and we thought with 3 kids it would be good to be near family and old friends.

After just being here just under 3 years, I personally regretting the move, old friends have either moved on or now have families there own so rarely see them, plus they are different!

I know I was very naive but having built the move up for 3 or 4 years I now which we hadn't. The issue I have are 2 of my kids have settled well in schooling, my partner has made a few friends through work/school and does not feel the same desire to leave.

I feel in limbo. I wouldn't really know where to move to, it's just so disappointing after the years expectancy and naively thinking life in the town would be the same, I find myself unhappy.

Has anyone been in this position before? What steps can I put in place? We moved here from MK so very different places. I blame myself, as it was me who engineered the idea of moving 'back' I just wish I had researched things more

Thanks for reading.

dc197

Sounds more of a social issue than a house buying/selling/letting issue.

My wife moved in with me and she also feels a bit like that. No friends here, etc.
You could try getting some hobbies. Anything you like. Needle work, beekeeping, motorbikes.... they all have clubs and classes. This is a great way to make friends.

I joined a vinyl record club a few years ago and made some new friends.

xylophone

My wife moved in with me

That's novel!:rotfl:

xylophone

I feel in limbo. I wouldn't really know where to move to, it's just so disappointing after the years expectancy and naively thinking life in the town would be the same, I find myself unhappy.

Are you sure that it is the place you live that is causing this rather than a general dissatisfaction with career prospects/social life etc?

beedeedee

Consider moving a few miles away - it's amazing how different a place just up the road can be! Some things can remain the same (kids schools and jobs etc), but new friends will appear and new openings will show themselves....I promise!

PasturesNew

Moving wouldn't solve anything. You'd go from a home where 1 person was disappointed to one where everybody was disrupted and potentially disappointed. You'd have four people saying it was "your fault" if they disliked the new move. As it is they're happy/oblivious, so you're not being blamed for their current location.

You need to work out how to make things better for yourself where you are, not uproot the family again.

You need to find stuff to do and people to see. Join stuff, go to stuff.

Grenage

Nostalgia is a !!!!! if you're the type to dwell heavily.

All I could really suggest is that you attempt to make new friends and find new interested (or rediscover forgotten hobbies). There's no guarantee another location would be any better - home is what you make it.

[Deleted User]

Having looked at your previous recent posts, it looks like there's quite a bit of your life you aren't happy with. If you want to change your job area and location.., that's a lot of changes, beyond coping with the day to day stressors that happen in anyone's life. Plus, if you are thinking negatively most of the time i.e. I hate my job, I hate where I live blah blah.., you can get into a repeat cycle of negative thinking.

Try and focus on one thing. Personally, to avoid creating ructions in the rest of your life I'd start looking on Facebook, any other site that offers meet ups with people with similiar interests. Or even for a forum set up for people with similiar interests.., so there is something you enjoy and are informed about to take your focus off all the negative things.

Obviously moving to a place that was a certain way years ago was always going to be risky.., that was the past, this is the present. Things change. I wonder why you didn't look into what was the reality of the area (you say I think this move was planned for four years) before moving? Is research and planning difficult for you? Do you normally have problems with things not meeting your expectations (are your expectations unrealistic).

Please understand, I am not being critical, just wondering if there is a pattern to your life. There must be a reason why you wanted to move from your previous house.., are there any commonalities with the unhappiness you felt in your last house, to the unhappiness you now feel? Is being satisfied with things as they are a problem? You've made quite a few posts on here with the same theme.., has no one offered something that might be a way forward in all those threads? (I don't know you, I am not making judgements, or criticising, just providing some food for thought). Normally, even if some of the answers don't get what you are asking, there's a few there that can get you thinking and help you find a solution.

If any of this rings a bell, I am wondering if counselling might help you to focus and perhaps learn to not let dreams overcome reality, and to plan and think out solutions that don't involve another drastic change to your life.

Mizenberg

beedeedee wrote: »

Consider moving a few miles away - it's amazing how different a place just up the road can be! Some things can remain the same (kids schools and jobs etc), but new friends will appear and new openings will show themselves....I promise!

I agree- we are (hopefully) buying a place only about 3-4 miles from where we currently live, but out of this crummy town and into a village. Although I am looking forward to a very positive change, the estate we are moving into was featured on that channel 4 programme the other night about bad neighbours! :rotfl:(one angry old chap)

But still, It's right that a small move can make the world of difference. Redford, do you like the actual house/street that you live in?

RedfordML

Thank you all so much for the replies. I can see something in every post that relates to much to my life.

I am struggling with finding a job role and I think that is having a big impact on my life. I have a nice house, 3 great kids but feel my life is missing something.

I lack massive confidence and have put on lots of weight last few years (this I am addressing)

Moving again would only lead to the same problems, I agree.

I really appreciate the comments and it has me something to really think about, focus on the now, get fit and confident and hopefully the new job role will come in the near future.

Thank you all.

duchy

I think you are absolutely right - Opportunities come to those who are open to them so as you become happier and confident in yourself so other things open up too.