I allowed my boyfriend to cheat on me

Pollycat

williamcross92 wrote: »

He should dump you.

Really?
Interesting opinion you have there.

"I've cheated on you so I'm dumping you".

Surely - if there was any dumping to be done, it should have been done 4 years ago when the OP cheated on him 4 times with her ex.
Not now after he's (almost) levelled the score.

Guest101

Pollycat wrote: »

Really?
Interesting opinion you have there.

"I've cheated on you so I'm dumping you".

Surely - if there was any dumping to be done, it should have been done 4 years ago when the OP cheated on him 4 times with her ex.
Not now after he's (almost) levelled the score.

Are people really that precious about who 'dumps' who?

FBaby

So how did the conversation came about? Were you seating down on the sofa and he said 'by the way darling, I think you should know, you know that get out pass you gave me two years ago, I thought it would be a good time to use it over the week-end before it becomes too late, I hope you don't mind?

Or did you have an argument and it all came out? Who is she? A random one night stand that he planned because he could, or a mistake, but thought it was ok because he was entitled, or is it someone he has grown close to and he decided to give it a try to see if she was worth leaving your for?

Pollycat

Guest101 wrote: »

Are people really that precious about who 'dumps' who?

I've no idea - having been married for almost 30 years.

It just sounded - at least to me - quite a strange suggestion that the person who's done (the most recent) wrong to dump the OP.

I was expecting the poster who suggested it to come back and explain the reasoning behind the comment.

Now, if he'd posted that the OP's partner should have dumped her when she cheated on him 4 years ago, that would have made sense.

System

This is shocking! A brave newbie has made the jump to post a thread on this board and they were shot down from the very first post :eek: no wonder why this board is dying! You rarely see newbie's post threads on here and this is why. Everyone should be given the chance until proved otherwise.

This board really is nasty at times! I always wondered why there is more guests to registered members here (896 members online 6475 guests) that is a bad statistic for the forum, those figures should be the other way around :wall:

Even if 1% of those guests have a relationship problem, after viewing this thread which 1,209 people have. I dont think anyone would want to register here and post a problem on this board after reading this mess.

This thread brings shame to the forum. Its supposed to be a family friendly forum but its far from that looking at most of these replies

Pollycat

Spinkz wrote: »

This is shocking! A brave newbie has made the jump to post a thread on this board and they were shot down from the very first post :eek: no wonder why this board is dying! You rarely see newbie's post threads on here and this is why. Everyone should be given the chance until proved otherwise.

This board really is nasty at times! I always wondered why there is more guests to registered members here (896 members online 6475 guests) that is a bad statistic for the forum, those figures should be the other way around :wall:

Even if 1% of those guests have a relationship problem, after viewing this thread which 1,209 people have. I dont think anyone would want to register here and post a problem on this board after reading this mess.

This thread brings shame to the forum. Its supposed to be a family friendly forum but its far from that looking at most of these replies

In fairness, the OP hasn't given a lot of information (although it may look like she has):

Hele4 wrote: »

When we got together four years ago there was a period at the very beginning of the relationship in which I was unsure if he was right for me.

I was torn between him and my ex. My ex was controlling/manipulative. Like a fool I absorbed his lies about how he will change for me and I slept with him four times.

He was soon back to his old tricks. I left him again and I confessed everything to my now boyfriend.

As a compromise due to the relationship being within the first two months I said he could have a free pass to cheat cause I had cheated on him.

He never did cheat. The relationship grew over the years. In an ideal way for me everything has been perfect until last night when he confessed to cheating on me with his work colleague at the weekend.

I am distraught. He has used the free pass I gave him to justify his cheating.

How do I go about this?

I cheated therefore I have to accept this?

My cheating was before anything was serious between us. Everything we have built over the last four years to me feels like it was for nothing.

This hurts so bad. It hurts cause the only person to blame is myself.

The OP asks how she should 'go about this'.

Fbaby asks some valid questions about how the OP was told about this cheating and what the 'relationship' is between the OP's partner and this work colleague.

Posters can't really offer valid advice with so little information.
If he was smug about levelling the score with a one-night-stand, responses would (probably) be different than if he said 'But you told me I had a free pass. I don't understand why you're getting upset'.

We don't even know whether the OP's partner wants to continue with the relationship with her.

EdGasket

tiger_eyes wrote: »

Adults control their own actions. They don't need to make excuses.

You really think so? I think you are deluded.

duchy

Pollycat wrote: »

Really?
Interesting opinion you have there.

"I've cheated on you so I'm dumping you".

Surely - if there was any dumping to be done, it should have been done 4 years ago when the OP cheated on him 4 times with her ex.
Not now after he's (almost) levelled the score.

Or the other viewpoint is he should end the relationship because he clearly isn't as committed as she is -as if he was he wouldn't have cheated.

(Does anyone over the age of 14 seriously talk about "dumping" a partner ????? )

Pollycat

duchy wrote: »

Or the other viewpoint is he should end the relationship because he clearly isn't as committed as she is -as if he was he wouldn't have cheated.

Quite possibly I read too much into williamcross92's post.
I read the term 'dump' as if williamcross92 thought it was the OP who had done something wrong.

duchy wrote: »

(Does anyone over the age of 14 seriously talk about "dumping" a partner ????? )

Being waaaaaay over the age of 14 I have no idea.

I only used the term as it was originally used by williamcross92.

pleasedelete

I think that MSE forgot to add the moral dilemma logos- this is about as believable as most of this.

The language use would indicate that the OP isn't English.