How much do your kids do around the house?

DebtphobicDeirdre

Just to let you all know that DS did tidy his room,albeit with much protest.He would have been barred from going to football otherwise. We do discipline him-we just get a lot of backchat, moaning and protest. Glad it gave some of you a laugh- it just shows how their minds work (some of them anyway).

Newgirl_2

The only reason I didn't suggest throwing the girl's belongings out straight away is that RS would end up having to fork out to replace them!

Good luck and if all else fails, send her to my house - I'll offer Boot Camp !! :rotfl:

Newgirl

savvy

anniebooklover wrote: »

My DS is 14 and DD is 11. They are paid £10 per month (straight to their savings account) for doing the dishes each day and cleaning their rooms. If they don't do that, they don't get the money. I have followed through on that so they know I mean it when I say it - DS has about £40 less than DD in his account. It has worked because he doesn't like to see her account having more money in it than his so it's a bit of a competition now.

Being an on and off single parent, I could never afford to do that, so mine have had to learn to help out regardless. They alternate the washing up between them, do their own washing and ironing, clean and feed their pets, and youngest has started a bit of cooking, whilst eldest does odd jobs and hoovering when I need, at 19 and 15 it's the least they can do while I'm work!

Another reason I never paid mine for jobs was my ex's kids were paid to tidy their rooms, but the daughter was such a little madam that she wouldn't do anything without being paid and she's still like it now at 21, so I vowed mine wouldn't grow up like that.

savvy

recovering_spendaholic wrote: »

I have just read right through this thread and am nearly crying because I must be such a bad parent. I have two DD's, 17 and 9. DD1 is a nightmare - she leaves everything where she likes and the house is in a constant state of disarray. She takes her clothes off all over the house and leaves them where they fall, same with shoes and hair bobbles. She leaves knickers and towels where they drop when she has had a shower, and never puts tops on shower gel, shampoo, toothpaste etc. She shaves her legs nearly every day and leaves the razor on the floor or wherever it lands. She never makes her bed and her room is full of all kinds of cr*p. She takes food up to her room and never brings the dishes (or wrappers if it is takeaway) down. She dries her hair in the front room so leaves brushes, hairdryer and straighteners switched on where she left them. Same with makeup - it is everywhere. There are DVDs and CDs all over the place not in their cases. She won't wash or iron anything. She leaves plates and cups where she has eaten the food and tells me to f**k off if I ask her to move them. I constantly tell her about the mess but just get told to F**k off and that I am a controlling neat freak. I clean the house twice a day and put all her stuff in her room but about a month ago I stopped cleaning her room and only go in to retrieve the laundry, dirty cups and plates and other rubbish, but I am getting so panicky about the mess and state of it. Her other trick is to take off sanitary towels and just lob them in the bin in the bathroon without wrapping them up and she just drops the wrappers all over the floor. I am at my wits end. When she has no clean clothes she roars at me that I am useless for not having stuff for her to wear and TBH I am frightened of her. DD2 is the exact opposite and will do chores and helps me to tidy up around the house and will also help with cleaning and cooking. Sorry to go on but I feel so depressed having just read how your kids do so much. DD1 was much like DD2 until about three years ago. I can't withhold money as she has a Saturday job in Boots and also gets EMA.

I had a small period where youngest got lazy, so I kept bagging it all up and dumping it in his room. LOL he soon got the message when he couldn't find anything and couldn't get in his room!

And I agree, you HAVE to be firm and stick to what you say (that's what I have to do with my college groups - with 16 teenagers you HAVE to be consistent and be prepared to carry out any threats, that's the only way to get respect from them) if she doesn't like it she can move out and take her mess with her

sonee2405

hi recovering spendalolic! Your not a bad parent-you are too good and you are the one being taken for granted.don't blame yourself.
To put it bluntly i was shocked and disgusted to read about your dd's behaviour im 26 my sis is 21 and I can never remember either one of us behaving in such a manner when we were at home- mum would have murdered us.
By reading your post it seems your dd takes pride in her own appearance-you mentioned hair styling makeup etc, shes even sensible enough to manage to get a job at boots where all staff are always well dressed and tidy but shes leading a double life by having no respect for her mum, home, possesions etc.
I am sure your dd is aware of all this and is doing it on purpose because she knows she is getting away with it but i suggest you stop- like other posters have said dont iron, dont wash for her she is perefctly capable of doing it herself.If she wanst to leave used s towels around and you have to pick them up then don't put them in the bin stick them on her bed-if that disgusts her remind her that it disgust you too.If she is leaving the makeup, straightner around then give her an hour or so to pick them up if not put them in the bin- she is working she can replace otherwise be more tidy.
If it carrys on show her up at work- go to the tills when you know there are a few people there and say so loudly that you expect her to tidy her mess otherise it goes in the bin and or she can leave.you need to be harsh and firm to make her realise that she won't have a fulltime cleaner, cook, butler etc chasing after her when she realises that theres a possiblity of her having to spend her own cash she willl open her eyes.hth

recovering_spendaholic

Thank you to all of you for your kind words and advice. I was very fed up when I posted before and feel a little more positive now. I am a single parent and I think alot of her bad attitude started when my husband (her Dad) ran off with his mistress a few years back. Dad earns a very high salary and his new partner is a footballer's ex with mega bucks, and I am currently unemployed and living on my savings and redundancy money! It is a very complicated situation but I have told her that she is going to have to be alot more co-operative - we had quite a talk this afternoon, when I found out that she is hoping I will get the loft converted for her so that she can live there when she is at university:eek: - she wants to study medicine so she'll be there for a good few years! Anyway she has said that she will tidy and do her room tomorrow but I am not sure......

Thank you for your kind words everyone - sometimes it is very hard when you are on your own, as many of you know, and I don't have any other family so sometimes I can feel really isolated and reading your replies has helped. Most of the time I am optimistic and upbeat but sometimes, like when I read the posts earlier on today, I just lose it a bit.

Gale_10

First of all, you are in no way shape or form a bad mother.

I have seen programmes on television with daughters like yours!

Have you ever moved all her stuff into black plastic bags, and put it in the loft, and when she came home told her you have asked someone to put it on eBay for you?

When I was around that age my mum had a thing called "the treatment" which involved her emptying my cupboards and bookshelves and everything from our bedroom, onto the floor, and we had to sort it out ourselves. But I think that maybe your daughter would not worry about that if you did it to her.

You must provide something that your daughter needs. Do you ever drive her anywhere? Does she borrow money off you? You can always start to say no to everything, I mean everything she asks you for, until she starts respecting you. That includes doing anything for her around the house, cooking cleaning washing, anything.

Also, I think it would be worth mentioning to her that legally, assault takes place not when one hits another person, but when one puts another person in a position where they are frightened. Your daughter is assaulting you. If you tell her this then you must be prepared to go through with phoning the police if she starts on you.

I think the most important thing is that you totally stick to your guns whatever you decide. Its vital that you sort out some sort of support network for yourself, you need some one you can talk to about this. If you have no family nearby I would try speaking to Samaritans.

One thing though, that kind of worries me, is that you clean the house twice a day. I really can't believe your house needs that much attention. You also say the mess makes you feel panicky - and I can assure you that your daughter is taking great advantage of that.

I can't say I have ever been that house proud ever, but I have had some issues that made me quite poorly and unable to cope with stuff, and I went to counseling, it really helped me a great deal. I personally believe that everyone should have their own CPN!

If you want to chat to me, please feel free to PM me.

All the best,

Gale

savvy

sonee2405 wrote: »

I am sure your dd is aware of all this and is doing it on purpose because she knows she is getting away with it but i suggest you stop- like other posters have said dont iron, dont wash for her she is perefctly capable of doing it herself.If she wanst to leave used s towels around and you have to pick them up then don't put them in the bin stick them on her bed-if that disgusts her remind her that it disgust you too.

Yeah and then invite her bf or friends round to see her mess :rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:She'll be horrified and not do it again!

anniebooklover

savvy wrote: »

Being an on and off single parent, I could never afford to do that, so mine have had to learn to help out regardless. They alternate the washing up between them, do their own washing and ironing, clean and feed their pets, and youngest has started a bit of cooking, whilst eldest does odd jobs and hoovering when I need, at 19 and 15 it's the least they can do while I'm work!

Another reason I never paid mine for jobs was my ex's kids were paid to tidy their rooms, but the daughter was such a little madam that she wouldn't do anything without being paid and she's still like it now at 21, so I vowed mine wouldn't grow up like that.

savvy I AM a single parent. I pay my children for particular jobs because I believe they need to learn that you have to *earn* money rather than be given it. As I said in the rest of my post, they do other jobs that don't earn them any money because they are expected to do them.

By having the money paid into their account rather than into their hands, they can see their account balance increase each month. When they ask if they can have such and such, I say "of course, let's go to the bank and you can lift the money to buy it". This makes them think - do I *want* it or do I *need* it? I'm actually saving money by doing this and so are they because they are loathe to spend the money that they have earned. I don't think that is a bad lesson to learn at all.

savvy

recovering_spendaholic wrote: »

I found out that she is hoping I will get the loft converted for her so that she can live there when she is at university:eek: - she wants to study medicine so she'll be there for a good few years! Anyway she has said that she will tidy and do her room tomorrow but I am not sure......

OOOOOOO that's no excuse rs! I split up with eldests Dad, then my youngests Dad ran off with his secretary and took her off to Antigua to think about what he wanted! :rolleyes::rolleyes: He's been on the front cover of 'Millionnaire' and likes to live the high life, whilst I was back here having to sell stuff at the car booty to get money to feed us, even the kids sold their toys..............oh and collected cans for spending money on holiday, and mine don't treat me like your DD does In fact they know they are not allowed to swear in front of me until they are 18, LMAO the 19 yr old STILL won't do it as he doesn't feel right doing it, MUH HA HA MUH HA HA, I'm so evil ;);)

I think tbh, I'm suspecting you've been trying to brush everything under the carpet and get on with it all, which is admiral, but at the same time you may have been a little (dare I say) soft to make up for their Dad leaving, that's HIS job though

Anyway she's handed it to you on a plate!..........................she's given you bargaining power now!!! :j:j:j:j:j:j She really wants something, the loft. When the lads wanted rabbits, I told them they had to keep their rooms spotless to get them, and only when I felt they'd done enough would I get them for them, and THEN the bargain was that THEY had to feed them and clean them etc, forever! They worked hard for that :rotfl::rotfl: SO you can come to an arrangement, and make it a proper contract, that she sorts out her ways (whatEVER you her to do ) for a good year or so to prove how much she wants it (also buys you time to sort it out )