How much do your kids do around the house?

badkitti

Hi Jane

I don't know how old you are but your DD is less than 10 years younger than I am and she sounds like a right ungrateful so and so at home. Again, I don't know if her moving out is a possibility, I know sometimes it isn't - my sister at 26 still lives at home - but if so it may well be time. Unfortunately you have to be prepared to carry out any ultimatum you make, which will upset you as much :rolleyes:. Does she pay you rent - which should be more if you tidy up after her? I myself am far from tidying up twice a day but this is in my house.

I wouldn't do her washing any more at the very least. Or tidy her room. I can't see any way past moving her things from communal areas but i would just dump it all inside her door where possible.

i don't think you sound like a bad parent - you clearly put a lot of effort into looking after your family, and one day day your eldest daughter will realise that.

Becles

Mine boys are 10 and 8.

Daily they have to:

get themselves washed and dressed, and put dirty clothes in the washing bin
keep their bedrooms tidy, including hoovering and dusting if necessary
make their beds
on school days, put bags away and leave lunchboxes ready to wash up
put their coats and shoes away when they come in
set the table and clear away afterwards

I wash their bed linen every Wednesday, so they strip their beds and set the washer away on a morning, and I give them the dried and iron stuff which they put back on in the evening.

Sometimes they help with:
loading the washing machine
hoovering and dusting other parts of the house
other cleaning depending on what needs doing
cooking
looking after the baby, such as changing her nappy and stuff

I'm assuming their future wives will be eternally grateful for me teaching them all this stuff

cannylass_2

RS, I really feel for you, OP was right-you're at the end of your tether with your DD1. My DD1 (now 20) was almost exactly the same at that age-except for the swearing (at least not to my face:o ), thankfully things are improving now-but it has been a long hard slog!

I stopped doing any of her washing at one point, now i only do it if she asks me politely, and it is convenient for me. I NEVER iron -she is old enough and has far more spare time than i do. I NEVER clean her room-again so long as i can get the door shut so i don't have to look at it, I'm OK with it (and she does keep it a lot tidier now there is a boyfriend around;) ).

As for mess left around house- I gather up and put it just inside her door so it is easy for her to fall over LOL and this includes used food wrappers, cans and even her ST wrappers, used ones still stuck on knickers etc etc-I STILL DO THIS NOW if she gets a bit forgetful!!!! I have even been known to retrieve her shaved leg hair from bath and leave it on her bed:eek: -just to convey that it is HER MESS and not mine to dispose of... maybe some of this has hit home, maybe they just grow up a bit, who knows?

There is light at the end of the tunnel, but the battle is ongoing (sorry for mixed metaphors!!!), best of luck and pm me if you like...CL XX

JAMIEDODGER

to be honest i dont ask my kids to do a lot.

i have four kids, ds1 (11) ds2(9) ds3(6) but has severe autism so cant do a lot for himself and is also still in full time nappies and has no sense of personal hygiene, everything has to be done for him. dd1(3).

i dont wash anything that isnt in laundry basket. i refuse to collect dirty clothes off the floor (except ds3) if it isnt in the basket it dont get washed.

i refuse to make lunch (except on school days) for ds1&2.

i refuse to make breakfast for anyone except ds3 (dd is able to make her own as long as ive laid out stuff on table.

i refuse to tidy kids bedrooms except a dust and hoover on a monday.

all plates cups etc must be bought to the kitchen after a meal....i am not a waitress.

my front room is not a toy storage cupboard, any toys brought into front room in the day must be returned to bedrooms before bedtime.


oooh i sound harsh dont i lol.

but that is all i ask.

i wash all clothes, dry, fold or iron and return to rooms
i cook dinner every night and make all lunch boxes
i do all housework including gardening and washing up feeding pets and paperwork, so i dont think i ask too much.


oh and my ds2 is what i call H20 phobic. i have to drag him into the bath lol

Newgirl_2

recovering_spendaholic wrote: »

I have just read right through this thread and am nearly crying because I must be such a bad parent. I have two DD's, 17 and 9. DD1 is a nightmare - she leaves everything where she likes and the house is in a constant state of disarray. She takes her clothes off all over the house and leaves them where they fall, same with shoes and hair bobbles. She leaves knickers and towels where they drop when she has had a shower, and never puts tops on shower gel, shampoo, toothpaste etc. She shaves her legs nearly every day and leaves the razor on the floor or wherever it lands. She never makes her bed and her room is full of all kinds of cr*p. She takes food up to her room and never brings the dishes (or wrappers if it is takeaway) down. She dries her hair in the front room so leaves brushes, hairdryer and straighteners switched on where she left them. Same with makeup - it is everywhere. There are DVDs and CDs all over the place not in their cases. She won't wash or iron anything. She leaves plates and cups where she has eaten the food and tells me to f**k off if I ask her to move them. I constantly tell her about the mess but just get told to F**k off and that I am a controlling neat freak. I clean the house twice a day and put all her stuff in her room but about a month ago I stopped cleaning her room and only go in to retrieve the laundry, dirty cups and plates and other rubbish, but I am getting so panicky about the mess and state of it. Her other trick is to take off sanitary towels and just lob them in the bin in the bathroon without wrapping them up and she just drops the wrappers all over the floor. I am at my wits end. When she has no clean clothes she roars at me that I am useless for not having stuff for her to wear and TBH I am frightened of her. DD2 is the exact opposite and will do chores and helps me to tidy up around the house and will also help with cleaning and cooking. Sorry to go on but I feel so depressed having just read how your kids do so much. DD1 was much like DD2 until about three years ago. I can't withhold money as she has a Saturday job in Boots and also gets EMA.

OMG I can't believe she has the nerve to behave like this - if she was in this house, she woudn't have lived so long!!!

Firstly, set down some new rules and give her a week's notice that they will start taking effect. Be clear on what you expect to get done or what shouldn't be allowed. Once you have decided to do it, BE FIRM. If you give a rule and then give in, all she will learn is that 'if I sulk enough/kick up enough fuss, I'll get my way'.

ANYTHING that gets left lying around disappears (even if you have to put it in bin bags and stash at a friend/relative's house). She doesn't get any of it back unless she toes the line.
Plates and so-on, collect those and return to kitchen but not her dirty washing. If she puts it in the laundry, it will get washed; if not, she can do it herself.
I personally wouldn't allow food upstairs anyway but that's just me.

Once she starts to feel some inconvenience she should get the message that you mean business. Personally again, I would be loathe to cook, clean and look after someone who felt it appropriate to tell me to '**ck off'.

Be strong - you will be helping her prepare for life in the real world - bet she doesn't tell her boss to f*ck off, so she knows it's wrong.

Good luck

Newgirl

JAMIEDODGER

RS (hugs) for you. sounds like you are having a really hard time!

id have to agree with newgirl though.

give her a weeks notice and lay the law down. black sack anything from then on you find lying around and stick out for the binmen, if she wants the stuff she will have to retrieve it herself. buy her a cheap iron and ironing board and put it in her room, tell her you will only wash what makes it into the washing basket from now on and stick to it! if she shouts and swears at you try your hardest to ignore her and tell her if she wants to speak to you she can be polite or not bother. she WILL get the message!


i had a bit of trouble with ds1 last year he is now 11. one day he went to punch me and i had him on the deck so fast he didnt know what happened. i didnt hit him but kinda leg sweeped him lol. i said to him if he ever raised his hand to me again ten years old or not he would get the same back. fingers crossed he has never done it again, he will still wind me up on occasion but i feel the balance of power shifted back to me again after that point, before that he had been a nightmare!

you are the parent, you just have to believe in yourself and take back the power hun x

taplady

RS more (((hugs))) from me too x

I agree with the others who say her behaviour is just unacceptable.Follow Newgirls advice and hard as it will be stick to it! It will probably get worse before it gets better but stick to your guns we will be here for you to sound off to!;) If all else fails tell her to move out, this may shock her into action!

lbnblbnb

:grouphug: RS - I started this thread thinking ahead to when my kids are older, not having to face the reality yet! Your story has brought me up short and shocked me. How awful for you to have that going on in your own home. The advice from newgirl and jamiedodger sounds good. Whatever you decide you must stick to it, she will test you. I've seen a little of this sort of behaviour, as I am a teacher. It may take a while, but once she believes you mean it she will have to change or leave. Let us know what you decide to do and how you get on, I'll be thinking of you.
L x

savvy

DebtphobicDeirdre wrote: »

My 15yr old DS has had a right old strop on this morning for being asked to tidy his room. His reasons are

1. Its HIS room.
2. Its ABNORMAL for teen boys to have tidy rooms.
3. ALL his friends have messy rooms.
4. I should give more notice as room tidying takes AGES.
5. Messy room has NEVER caused health problem.
6. Its the holidays, he is supposed to be RESTING.
7. He isn't allowed a TV in his room so WHY should he do anything for me!

Should I give up, should I leave home or should I take to drink?

LMAO no not at all, lock him out of YOUR room (you pay the mortgage/rent) and give him the garden shed to live in, failing that, start charging him rent for the room if he regards SO much as HIS room ;););)

DebtphobicDeirdre

:grouphug: :grouphug: Recovering spendaholic
You sound mega fed up and its no wonder. I'm lucky in that ,although my DS is as idle as they come and thinks we are a couple of (insert swear word of choice) at least I have backup of DH who reads riot act at appropriate moments. Evven so it can be exhausting, can't it! My sister goes on a website called badmothersclub- that might be a place you can let off steam and get support. Hang on in there- we are all behind you.