Reluctant executor what to do

jimmy_cricket

marcelli wrote: »

I just feel that his stance is so blind and ready to blame you, so if you can disarm him a bit by implying him capable of some goodwill, then he might surprise both himself and you by responding at least honestly. As Xylophone indicated, he needs to be aware that the estate must be wound up sometime, and this is just a way of pointing that out to him

You say: The day after mum passed we had a conversation where sibling wanted to market the property. I offered to buy them out and they immediately changed their mind and wanted to keep it in joint ownership - Yep, as soon as you said this, it occurred to me that he was thinking – “Oops I’ve missed out here, it must be worth something for Brother to think of buying it” and then later that is exactly what he accused you of. So, it sounds like constant projection on his part, and if you are straight up with him he will only accuse you of bullying him, which is why I wonder if you can step back (sorry, that’s a bit modern isn’t it?) but sort of take a breath and not expect a reasonable response for the first couple of attempts as he will think you are up to something (because that’s what he does).

Yes, 2 years is such a long time, and it’s not as if you have not tried, but he is the one who is tied in knots, and perhaps envious of your openness. They say, when you reach the end of your tether, you should tie a knot in it and hold on, and, I was looking at something in the light of having read your post last night, which suggested that having tried to reach a conclusion, you could suggest a meeting to discuss (I know, he won’t agree to that), and then suggest the alternative of meeting with someone independent present to adjudicate, as it were. He will probably not want any of that either, but he may think you have been advised by some solicitor or other to do this, and start to think that his behaviour is under scrutiny, which might just concentrate his mind.

I know you can’t let him walk all over you, and maybe the legal route is ultimately the only option, but it’s so exhausting and expensive, though you could point that out to him too at some point.

My turn not to go on! Just wishing you well.

Thanks Marcelli,
I feel you have it almost right regarding feelings of sibling. Not the bullying though that is the other way round. I am female and sibling is male. He is a big bloke and very agressive verbally. He will not listen to me and for years I have avoided him as when ever I say anything in his presence, he dismisses what I say as being a stupid female and this is done very aggressively. To be fair, he spoke to my mum in the same way. This as you can imagine has got worse for me since she passed.

I now will not take calls from him as I don't need the bullying intimidation and a face to face meeting is out of the question due to his behaviour.

I think that greed is somewhat behind this but he has a well paid job and does not need the money. He didn't need the money he took from my mother over the years. It is more about power and control. He knows I have always wanted the property as I have always wanted to retire back to home town. It's not that particular house however, it would have just made sense for me to take it on and update ready for retirement. I'm happy to move on though and buy a different property in the town. It boils down to him not wanting me to have it, end of. He is, I'm sure jealous of me and wants to have leverage and a hold of me.

jimmy_cricket

xylophone wrote: »

There is no point in your having a buyer unless you can be certain your brother will cooperate or you have legal authority to sell "over his head" as it were?

It's chicken and egg. My hope is that I have judged this right and sibling will agree once a buyer is lined up. This is about sibling wanting power and control over me I feel. So, when faced with a real live buyer, will realise that the end of the road is in sight, might as well give up and sign the papers. If not then it will have to be court action.

Mojisola

jimmy_cricket wrote: »

It's chicken and egg. My hope is that I have judged this right and sibling will agree once a buyer is lined up. This is about sibling wanting power and control over me I feel.

This is very unfair on your buyer.

As your sibling wants power over you, why do you think that he would agree to sell to someone that you have found? He'll probably take great pleasure in making you withdraw from the sale and cope with the backlash from the buyer and the EA.

marcelli

O I did not mean that you were bullying him AT ALL, but that that is what he will accuse you of, or abuse because he won't want to suggest that a little sis could get the better of him. So Sorry it came over that way. And no, you don't want a meeting either, but it may disarm him if you suggest one and so force him to rethink. You could say "either a meeting or come to some agreement" about selling the property because you are entitled to some say in the matter, and let him mull it over. It may not work suggesting it, but then if you did have a meeting with someone else there, he might behave better and at least you would have a witness. I really won't go on about it. It is so complicated and frustrating for you.
I remembered the original question was about solicitors' fees, and i am not sure about that. If it were a court case, i think he could be liable for fees if you won - ask around - you can get free consultations, over the phone if need be, but just at the moment i was hoping you could make some breakthrough by breaking the cycle of obstruction. It does feel as if he thinks he has you where he wants you, and yes, sounds like the greed thing too.

marcelli

The other aspect is of course the housing market and world financial situation, which of course we can't solve here, but you could put it to him that house prices are potentially affected by the Brexit volatility, or however you understand it, because really nothing is certain at the moment. and then of course you have the insurance liability and upkeep. It seems you just have to keep having a go at the deadlock until his blindness gives way to reason.

Yorkshireman99

jimmy_cricket wrote: »

It's chicken and egg. My hope is that I have judged this right and sibling will agree once a buyer is lined up. This is about sibling wanting power and control over me I feel. So, when faced with a real live buyer, will realise that the end of the road is in sight, might as well give up and sign the papers. If not then it will have to be court action.

Sorry to say that you are being very optimistic based on what you have said. To be brutally frank you were wrong to have put the property on the market before you have probate. If I was the potential buyer or the estate agent i would be seriously displeased because you have no firm date by which you can complete. You really must sort out probate first.

jimmy_cricket

Yorkshireman99 wrote: »

Sorry to say that you are being very optimistic based on what you have said. To be brutally frank you were wrong to have put the property on the market before you have probate. If I was the potential buyer or the estate agent i would be seriously displeased because you have no firm date by which you can complete. You really must sort out probate first.

Probate was granted 20 months ago, the issue is that the other executor will not agree to the disposal of the property

Yorkshireman99

jimmy_cricket wrote: »

Probate was granted 20 months ago, the issue is that the other executor will not agree to the disposal of the property

I beg your pardon. However you are still unable to dispose of the property. Unless you take action you will never sell it.