Shift in perspective

Grenage

As a vegetarian with a non-vegetarian partner, we generally eat veggie food at home. If I was cooking and my partner wanted meat, I'd cook her some meat (but that's never happened); I'd become a vegan, but don't want her to feel obliged to do the same - we eat together.

You don't need to share the same views to be a couple.

onlyroz

Do you do most of the cooking in the household? And how old are the children?

Corelli

There are couple and families that can accommodate different values and lifestyle including food. You are to be applauded in supporting your husband's ethics. I wonder, if at some deep level you might share them? Surely you would not be saying that you 'applaud and support him in this' if you didn't have some empathy for his point of view.

However this rule of all eating the same food does mean that you are having change enforced on you. As you've described it, he has made this decision and the rest of you have had to follow in his wake. If this is how it worked out that is not a healthy family dynamic. Like others have said, it feels like there is more to this problem. If you want to address the issue, the two of you need to talk, and you need to do some thinking about what is really bothering you.

Alikay

Sporticus wrote: »

Gradually my husband has become vegan as a result of his ethical standards and I applaud him and support him in this. He is a man of strong principles and ideals and I would never dream of asking him to change his ethical standards for me.

This suggests some kind of demi-god rather than an ordinary chap who has made a choice for his own reasons to go vegan and use products produced in a certain way. I hope he hasn't brainwashed you into thinking this somehow makes him better than lesser mortals who eat meat and dairy, and use mainstream cleaning products etc!

Personally, I'd be hoping he bogs off to live in a yurt and commune with nature with his high-minded friends...constantly being in awe of him and pandering to his lifestyle wishes must be exhausting! You've said you'd never dream of asking him to change his ethical standards for you, yet you've changed yours, and those of your children dramatically for him. Why?

Sporticus

Thanks all for the many comments and differing perspectives. There are a huge number of things for me to think about and to, potentially, take stock of my life.

Some of you are right when you say that it's a non-issue (which is his point of view). Others are right when you say that it may be a symptom for other changes in our lives. Some of you are right when you suggest sharing cooking.

I need to rebalance myself and you've all helped in your own small way.

Thank you and enjoy your weekend.

tara747

I would have a relationship with (or marry) a vegetarian or vegan, but I wouldn't change my eating habits for them. And that goes double for children.


You can have family meals without all eating the same thing.

gettingtheresometime

I have to admit I'm not sure what the problem is - and I don't mean that in a rude way.

As far as I can see, the op's oh has turned vegan ( which apart from the potential lack of b12 foods) is supposed to be a healthy diet, she doesn't mind eating vegan foods at home and I can't see that the oh objects to her eating meat either at home or when out.

The only thing I can see that he has done is ask her to buy household products that are suitable for vegetarians/vegans which I guess follows the animal cruelty train of thought

Or am I missing something?

PasturesNew

It's all in your head. You'd not feel like this if he gave up beer or chips.

theoretica

Is the veganism mostly in the diet? Or refusing to sit on leather sofas, not wanting to touch wool clothing... That can be hard to live with.

A family meal doesn't need to have everyone eat all the same, it can be pick and mix. Vegan with grated cheese for those who want it, meat or vegan leftovers with the same sides, vegan or meat leftovers...

DigForVictory

There's a degree of shock at the new, here, even if you formally applaud & support his shifting choice.
I confess to personally finding that vegetarians can be a bit difficult, although if they cook it's usually delicious. Vegans take that frankly further than I'd be happy to support & it seems possible that you can admire & respect someone's views whilst finding them increasingly hard to live with.

It's permissible.

You are allowed to feel brassed off.

What do you want to change? Once you've figured that, we can try to help!