How to motivate someone to think about saving...?

pugmanic

Hi, I have been a long time user of the MSE website, but not really used the forums much. I've decided to ask for opinions on how I may be able to motivate my wife to think about money.

Before I met my wife, she was young, free and single and she lived life very much in that way. She spent every penny she that she earned, each and every month. She worked for rich people, and socialised in Westminster (Chelsea).

When we started living together, she changed her habits, to some extent. She now has savings. She used cashback websites. She shops around for better prices etc.

Now things have moved on again, we are Married and we are living on my salary alone. My wife looks after our first baby, and we are trying for another.

Financially to me, this makes me think; "Ok we need to be mindful of all outgoings, and do what we can to be careful, and not be wasteful... etc."

My wifes mind thinks; "I now need to start buying more baby clothes and toys stuff second hand."

It is a step in the right direction, but what I really need help with is ways of motivating her to think about the basics. As you know its often the little things that add up, like;

• Closing doors to keep the heat in
• Turning off lights when you leave a room
• Turning off a tap when you don't need it (yes we are on a meter)
• Not running the hot tap whilst brushing your teeth
• Closing the fridge / oven door when you are doing something else

Any attempt I make to help, closing doors etc.) is taken negatively. Any time I ask her to do something is taken as criticism.

I know she has come a long way so far, and I don't want to frustrate or alienate her, so do I ignore everything and just watch the £&p fly out of my account??

tiger_eyes

If she has savings, uses cashback websites, shops around for the best prices, and buys baby stuff second hand, it sounds like she's already pretty savvy. Is leaving a light on really that expensive in the general scheme of things? She's already significantly adjusted her spending habits and lifestyle to match yours. Maybe you could learn to compromise just as she has?

FBaby

You sound like my OH! I told him that I would give him £1 a day of my own disposable to pay for my lacking of obsessive thinking. After 5 years, he's given up!

Let her breath, what you'll save going through these motions is not worth alienating her.

Serendipitious

Sounds like your wife has made giant strides already.

I wouldn't worry too much about closing internal doors - winter will be over soon and also when you get to the stage of using baby gates, doors will need to be open to be gated.

The costs of a second baby should be smaller, due to already having much of the equipment.

NCT Nearly New sales are brilliant, my DD got tremendous bargains when her two were small, and it allowed her to indulge her spending side without it costing much.

Jagraf

Those things you talk about probably add up to a tenner a month. Wasteful perhaps but if you can afford the tenner, and these are the only things she wastes, then I would forego the tenner, for the sake of sanity

RAS

At the moment she is probably struggling just to adjust to baby and being at home and sleepless nights.

Time to push the finer points of saving when things settle down; them ask her what you can do to save as well and concentrate on one issue at a time.

theoretica

Can you calculate how much the things you mention actually cost? One of those coiled compact fluorescent lightbulbs on for 24 hours costs less than 5p for instance.

Kaye1

In the grand scheme of things, do these things really matter?

Your wife is at home all day, looking after your child, probably tired (definitely tired if she gets pregnant again) and you come home like the penny police?

Ok, they are irksome- but are you her parent or her partner?

She isn't running up grand debts, she is looking to buy second hand, using cashback sites, yet you pick up on the things that probably cost you pence.

Do you think she is beholden to you as you are the wage earner? I bet she misses having her own cash and you are chirping on about things which will cost you a small amount.

justme111

So how much water will there be lost while she is brushing her teeth ? Can you actually measure it once? 2 pints ? Can you calculate the cost of this s water ?
My bet is that ALL transgressions you listed probably add may be £3 to your monthly expense. Do you realise how disproportionate is it to the amount of negative emotions and and effort required?
Do you realise how unmanly is it to go and nag your woman to switch the lights off or walking after her doing it?
No matter how much I would liked a man this behaviour would be a deal breaker for me and there surely would be no "trying for another baby" as it would majorly put me off

Kynthia

I agree with most of the above posts. Your wife is supposed to be your partner and equal and has already made great changes. She is at home all day with a baby which really isnt easy and you want to follow her around 'tutting' over a briefly open fridge door and a light left on. You are creating bad feeling over a few pounds, if that, and I think you need to chill a little. It's taken as criticism because it is and you should stop.

Also is it 'your' account or both of yours?

AnotherJoe

I'd say long term it's either a couple of quid a month "flying out of your bank account" or she will be flying out of your life.

I think you've got obsessed with what actually are trivial savings and have missed the big picture. As others have said, if you actually calculate ten cost of this stuff, it's in the noise. What are you plans for the extra, perhaps fiver a month at most you'll be saving? Do you want a plaque on your grave, "died alone but with an extra £500 in bank account" ?

There is a post elsewhere in here I've seen where someone's divorce petition actually stated such OTT nagging about money as the cause of the breakup.

Work on fixing your unhealthy obsession with every single penny and look at the bigger picture such as a harmonious life.

Ps id disagree it's "the little up things that add up" . It's the big things that matter and she's doing that. A lot of mums would be horrified at buying things second hand, yet the savings from that will make any savings from closing a fridge door (for goodness sake listen to yourself whinging about that) pale into utter utter insignificance. I'd urge you to actually work out the cost of a fridge door being left open an extra ten seconds but you'd probably complain about the cost of the pencil and paper needed.

Unless you change I can see your relationship heading for rock bottom or worse.