When your son/daughter has mental health issues

Outofdepth_2

I didn't know where to write this but I'm feeling totally lost.
My son is now 22, has aspergers mild, but also severe mood swings and depression.
Ever since he was 12 he's has really bad anger out bursts, about absolutely nothing.....he can be fine and then next thingl he's pacing the floor like a lion & sometimes hurting himself.
It's been so upsetting & stressful for myself/husband/daughter as otherwise we are a very calm peaceful family.

Things have gotten worse over time. My health has gotten bad, I've started fainting when ever stressed, so had hospital tests which show I have pots syndrome. The hospital said I must avoid any stress which is impossible.

Im hyperventilating every day with my sons Mood swings, we are walking on egg shells and we feel totally out of our depth, I'm his carer but to be honest I'm not coping at all as I'm ill myself. So I had to call social services, for my son to be housed somewhere else but they can't find him anywhere & say he can't go into care because his needs are so complex (he has lots of food allergys & can't read or look after himself).

We had his birthday recently, he had money from family, we took him out for the day & when we got home he went to his room, then when I went up stairs he looked angry and told me to go away. He said he feels like he wants to smash the house up, he starts pulling at his hair so I leave him alone. Then he comes down stairs, he's punched himself in the face twice and is crying, my husband tells him to come and sit with us and touches his arm........to which my son shouts get off me and raises his fists. So we go to bed, once again locking our selfs in our bedrooms scared he could do something really bad to us or himself.

And this is how we live, psychiatrist says he's just got aspergers, there's no help for him. Gp can't help. Social services say he can't live in a flat alone & the support place won't take him as he's too complex.....we are getting no where & quite frankly I feel like I have a ball & chain around my leg and I'm in the deep end of a swimming pool.

I personally don't know anyone who lives like this, we can't be the only ones can we?

Flyonthewall

Does he take medication?

I'd suggest going to a different doctor. Whether it's just because of aspergers or something else he clearly needs help and they should be doing something.

Although you say he gets angry about nothing have you asked him afterwards why he felt that way or even actually how he did feel? He might be hitting out in anger but perhaps anger over another feeling, maybe one he doesn't know how to deal with. If you can talk with him at a calmer time maybe he can tell you something that will help in the future. Just make sure he knows he can tell you anything and that you won't judge him, you just want to understand so you can help him the best way you can.

Outofdepth_2

yes he's on medication for it. We have always asked him when calm but he can't work out why. Also he will say opposite things..... He felt he was ignored then in the next breath he had too much attention?
He can never work out what it is and this is the most frustrating thing because we can't help if we dont know. Our local mental health department has closed down with cut backs, I can't believe they have done this.

jaydeeuk1

Really feel for you OP, my friends son has severe autism and is struggling even at the young age of 6 with outbursts. Whilst in a school which is dedicated to treating those on the autistic spectrum they already worry about what is going to happen later in life.

Suppose the hundreds of millions we send to Syria and countries with their own space programs in foreign aid has to come from somewhere, and mental health is the easiest target.

Corelli

I'd suggest that if we collected the billions lost to the country through tax evasion didn't waste money on persecuting people who cannot work we would have more money to support out citizens. But that is beside the point.

Our family used to live like this when our son was younger. I used to have to hide every thing I valued, and knives etc before I challenged him on anything. We still have areas of damage in the house. He had/has other mental health problems as well as Asperger's and had two long term in patient stays. One on a Section 3 of the mental health act. that, and maturity really did help him. He is now depressed and cuts himself from time to time which is very distressing, and has great difficulty in attending college but I'm not scared of him as he controls his emotions far better.

Could your son's psychiatrist provide counselling or therapy of some sort if your son was willing to engage?

You as his carer are entitled to an assessment of your own needs but yeah, I know, reality doesn't match up with what should happen.

Apart from your own illness of course, all of parents of youngsters with a disability need to be considering what will happen when we get older and are no longer here

The only advice I can think of right now for you is to get in contact with NAS. Or have you? What about your MP?

http://www.autism.org.uk/get-involved/about-us/contact-us.aspx

heuchera

Outofdepth wrote: »

I didn't know where to write this but I'm feeling totally lost.
My son is now 22, has aspergers mild, but also severe mood swings and depression.
Ever since he was 12 he's has really bad anger out bursts, about absolutely nothing.....he can be fine and then next thingl he's pacing the floor like a lion & sometimes hurting himself.
It's been so upsetting & stressful for myself/husband/daughter as otherwise we are a very calm peaceful family.

Things have gotten worse over time. My health has gotten bad, I've started fainting when ever stressed, so had hospital tests which show I have pots syndrome. The hospital said I must avoid any stress which is impossible.

Im hyperventilating every day with my sons Mood swings, we are walking on egg shells and we feel totally out of our depth, I'm his carer but to be honest I'm not coping at all as I'm ill myself. So I had to call social services, for my son to be housed somewhere else but they can't find him anywhere & say he can't go into care because his needs are so complex (he has lots of food allergys & can't read or look after himself).

We had his birthday recently, he had money from family, we took him out for the day & when we got home he went to his room, then when I went up stairs he looked angry and told me to go away. He said he feels like he wants to smash the house up, he starts pulling at his hair so I leave him alone. Then he comes down stairs, he's punched himself in the face twice and is crying, my husband tells him to come and sit with us and touches his arm........to which my son shouts get off me and raises his fists. So we go to bed, once again locking our selfs in our bedrooms scared he could do something really bad to us or himself.

And this is how we live, psychiatrist says he's just got aspergers, there's no help for him. Gp can't help. Social services say he can't live in a flat alone & the support place won't take him as he's too complex.....we are getting no where & quite frankly I feel like I have a ball & chain around my leg and I'm in the deep end of a swimming pool.

I personally don't know anyone who lives like this, we can't be the only ones can we?

I think social services are fobbing you off. If he's got these disabilities he needs to go into a unit. Your GP should be able to access help for you, but some doctors are better than others..

I know you wouldn't but what would happen if you were to throw him out onto the street? They'd have to help him then, wouldn't they.

Have you got a Carers Centre near you, who you could ask for advice?

Good luck, it sounds very stressful.

LisaLou1982

Im sorry that i cant offer any words of help OP but didnt want to read and run. I hope you can manage to find a solution to help. Dont let anyone fob you off, insist that you helped. Better to do that than get to a breaking point of no return xx

Outofdepth_2

Thank you for the kind words, and listening ear just when I needed it.
I've just eaten my first bit of food since 24 hrs ago and luckily just by chance this morning I already had a doctors appointment about my bad stomach, which turned out to be an appointment all about my son when I couldn't hold back the tears.

This doctor was lovely & said she's contacting the social services herself as she feels we are all in danger. She then said she wants to meet my son to sort out his antidepressant medication & he needs help with the anger. It was nice to supported but we've been here many many times and nothing comes of it. Last time it was the phychiatrist who couldnt refer him to cbt or anger management so gave us a card with a private company for help. Turns out this company charges a fortune, more than our wages.

heuchera

Outofdepth wrote: »

Thank you for the kind words, and listening ear just when I needed it.
I've just eaten my first bit of food since 24 hrs ago and luckily just by chance this morning I already had a doctors appointment about my bad stomach, which turned out to be an appointment all about my son when I couldn't hold back the tears.

This doctor was lovely & said she's contacting the social services herself as she feels we are all in danger. She then said she wants to meet my son to sort out his antidepressant medication & he needs help with the anger. It was nice to supported but we've been here many many times and nothing comes of it. Last time it was the phychiatrist who couldnt refer him to cbt or anger management so gave us a card with a private company for help. Turns out this company charges a fortune, more than our wages.

That's really bad. And probably against the rules :mad:

Glad you saw a more sympathetic GP, I hope she can get the ball rolling to get you the help you all need.

My cousin has special needs (aspergers and schizophrenia) and she goes into a special care home so that her mum gets respite every few weeks.

pmlindyloo

I have been listening to LBC today and mental health in children has been discussed.

A couple of people who phoned in talked in despair about the lack of help available.

These same people were both told by their doctors of the shortage of help available - not enough trained counsellors/money etc etc - and that if the child/young person self harms then they should be taken to A&E where there is always an on duty psychiatrist. A referral from them means the patient is then shifted to the 'top of the queue' as regards support services.

Plus, the police now routinely work with social services/mental health services so if your son is threatening you (as hard as it may be) then the police should be involved.

Most callers to LBC who had experienced quite horrendous problems with getting help said that you have to have a very loud voice and be prepared to fight for your child in any way you can.

Don't give up.

BrassicWoman

Phone social work

Tell them you cannot cope and will be moving out

You need to create a crisis to get help

When was the last time you had a carer's assessment done on yourself?