How much does good manners cost?

mgdavid

Spinkz wrote: »

....... So the simple question is, how much does good manners cost?...........

Good manners is never asking how much something cost.

System

redpete wrote: »

Is it good manners to point out that it should be "How much do good manners cost?"?

Its typical of some people on this board to find the smallest faults to pick at. So much so, its now normal behaviour on this board to pick a hole in something someone says. We see it on a regular basis. What is unusual is the inappropriate posts picking at someone pick up thanks, often quite a lot of thanks.

Saying thanks is having good manners, but saying thanks to someone for being inappropriate is not people having good manners. By saying thank you to the person making the inappropriate posts, its used as a like tool instead of a thanks and its those thanks that generate all of the inappropriate posts because those people who make those posts know they will receive thanks.

When this forum was developed, nobody considered the thanks button would be used to support inappropriate posts. At a guess, the thanks button was installed as a method of good manners to thank people for say, money saving tips.

MSE need to update the forum with an up vote/down vote button so people who make inappropriate posts can be down voted. The only way at the moment to disagree with an inappropriate post is to reply to it and by replying to it, it changes the course of a thread towards a negative path as the OP and others will follow suit to air their differences creating the well known destructive threads we see on here on a regular basis!

You know when i write an essay, its usually on a serious note. There was a controversial thread on here recently about correcting grammar. Who knows, perhaps my little grammatical error in the title was intentional to give me the opportunity to say this

The problem on this forum is the thanks button. Good manners cost nothing, but clicking thanks to someone who is being inappropriate is not promoting good manners, its promoting the problem!

I'm actually quite clever when i put my mind to it :cool:

coolcait

Spinkz wrote: »

Its typical of some people on this board to find the smallest faults to pick at. ....

I'm actually quite clever when i put my mind to it :cool:

On the other hand, you have cultivated a reputation as a joker. You have a track record of poking fun at many subjects.

Many people, and I count myself in that number, enjoy your threads - not least because of that quirky mirror you hold up to the world. Slightly subversive at times, perhaps, but not malicious.

The responses which your threads elicit tend to take the same approach.

It's possible that the poster who drew your ire was responding to you against that background. The phrasing of the response adds to that possibility.

An ill-judged jest perhaps, but not necessarily any more than that.

marisco_2

mgdavid wrote: »

Good manners is never asking how much something cost.

Absolutely. I couldn't agree more. My ex mil always used to focus on the price of something and never appreciated the real value of anything. Vile woman!

oystercatcher

Please and thank you costs nothing but other forms of good manners can be expensive. If someone one buys you a gift / coffee/meal it is good manners to return the favour and I have seen many threads on this forum where people can't afford to pay for these things or to go dutch etc etc.

catkins

I always say please and thank you and hold doors open for people. I do also often wonder though why I bother. I hold a door open and people walk through without even looking at me let along thank me.


I don't know if it is just me, but I seem to get people bumping into me on the pavement a lot and literally never saying sorry. I even joke now to my OH that my clothes obviously make my invisible. I can be walking along a very wide pavement but I am almost against a shop or wall so cannot move and there will be people coming towards me and one will bump into me.


I just find that almost the majority of people now are rude and pretty ignorant. Like others on here, I always thank bus drivers but I notice how many don't bother.


Also mobile phones have made people rude. They walk down the street glued to them and you have to move out of their way. They walk in front of you glued to their phone then stop suddenly to look at and you almost collide with them. They talk on them when being served in shops and completely ignore the shop assistant, they talk on them in restaurants and ignore the waiter.

pigpen

catkins wrote: »

Also mobile phones have made people rude. They walk down the street glued to them and you have to move out of their way. They walk in front of you glued to their phone then stop suddenly to look at and you almost collide with them. They talk on them when being served in shops and completely ignore the shop assistant, they talk on them in restaurants and ignore the waiter.

Stuff like that happens to my OH.. he just moves out of their way.. if he didn't move they would. He has made my girls late for school waiting for other people to move.. his feeble excuse is that he is 6ft4 and could knock most of them flying.. I just reply that he is big enough for them to see..

People walking along on phones etc I will not move.. if I have to stop and stand still in front of them they will see I am there..


If people don't say thank you when I have held a door for example I will tell them.. 'thank you wouldn't hurt' ... 'it is customary to use your manners' .. 'wow you're rude... thank you too! and kiss my @r$3' .. depends on my mood and their appearance.

Poppie68

Spinkz wrote: »

Its typical of some people on this board to find the smallest faults to pick at. So much so, its now normal behaviour on this board to pick a hole in something someone says. We see it on a regular basis. What is unusual is the inappropriate posts picking at someone pick up thanks, often quite a lot of thanks.

Saying thanks is having good manners, but saying thanks to someone for being inappropriate is not people having good manners. By saying thank you to the person making the inappropriate posts, its used as a like tool instead of a thanks and its those thanks that generate all of the inappropriate posts because those people who make those posts know they will receive thanks.

When this forum was developed, nobody considered the thanks button would be used to support inappropriate posts. At a guess, the thanks button was installed as a method of good manners to thank people for say, money saving tips.

MSE need to update the forum with an up vote/down vote button so people who make inappropriate posts can be down voted. The only way at the moment to disagree with an inappropriate post is to reply to it and by replying to it, it changes the course of a thread towards a negative path as the OP and others will follow suit to air their differences creating the well known destructive threads we see on here on a regular basis!

You know when i write an essay, its usually on a serious note. There was a controversial thread on here recently about correcting grammar. Who knows, perhaps my little grammatical error in the title was intentional to give me the opportunity to say this

The problem on this forum is the thanks button. Good manners cost nothing, but clicking thanks to someone who is being inappropriate is not promoting good manners, its promoting the problem!

I'm actually quite clever when i put my mind to it :cool:

Isn't it 'good manners' to say thanks by way of the Thanks button if you agree and appreciate a post or comment?

A lot of threads turn into debates and battlegrounds when the liberals take anyone to task if they feel posts are inappropriate.... As everyone is thankfully different and what is agreeable and appreciated too some shouldn't be labelled as inappropriate by others.

System

Poppie68 wrote: »

Isn't it 'good manners' to say thanks by way of the Thanks button if you agree and appreciate a post or comment?

A lot of threads turn into debates and battlegrounds with the liberals taking anyone to task if they feel posts are inappropriate.... As everyone is thankfully different and what is agreeable and appreciated too some shouldn't be labelled as inappropriate by others.

Not necessarily :think:

The comments i'm talking about that get thanked are those that are driving people away from the forum. They should never be thanked or appreciated but they are. Whether people agree with me or not, i dont really care. What i care about is good people being driven away by this constantly happening. I've seen it countless times on here and it is doing real damage to this forum board. Most people use this forum daily. It does have a good community in parts, so why do people allow it to be so easily ruined?

As Cait said, i built my reputation as a joker. My reputation for being a joker started on this board and i took some stick for it but i'm not just a joker and certainly not 1 dimensional. A joker has feelings too and i dont like what i see. Its not nice, its not clever and it most definitely does not reflect the spirit of this forum.

This can go down as a defining moment. Spinkz has evolved :cool:

coolcait

Spinkz wrote: »

Not necessarily :think:

The comments i'm talking about that get thanked are those that are driving people away from the forum. They should never be thanked or appreciated but they are. Whether people agree with me or not, i dont really care. What i care about is good people being driven away by this constantly happening. I've seen it countless times on here and it is doing real damage to this forum board. Most people use this forum daily. It does have a good community in parts, so why do people allow it to be so easily ruined?

As Cait said, i built my reputation as a joker. My reputation for being a joker started on this board and i took some stick for it but i'm not just a joker and certainly not 1 dimensional. A joker has feelings too and i dont like what i see. Its not nice, its not clever and it most definitely does not reflect the spirit of this forum.

This can go down as a defining moment. Spinkz has evolved :cool:

You always had your moments when you turned serious, Spinkz. One of the big moments was when you left the forum for a while, pointing to the proliferation of AEs as the reason.


You came back, you have posted in your old style, you posted in your new style. Evolution in action.


The genesis of this thread clearly came from recent events on the board. The evolution may, or may not, have been what you hoped for. Threads on the internet do evolve. For me, it's part of what makes the internet fascinating.


'Good manners' is an interesting concept. In many ways, they are the oil of society. 'Please', 'thank you', 'excuse me', 'sorry'. 'Good manners' in that sense cost nothing.


In other ways, the concept of 'Good manners' comes at a price. Women especially seem to be afraid to say exactly what they mean, in a clear and straightforward way. Going by recent events on this forum, it seems that this is viewed as being 'rude' by some. Not 'Good manners'.


As a result, we see thread after thread where posters (usually women) are in a dilemma because another person hasn't picked up on their 'hints' about something. Dilemmas which could have been avoided if the poster had simply been direct about the issue which was bothering her.


Being direct is not necessarily ill-mannered. Being clear is not necessarily ill-mannered. Thanking something which has been expressed in a direct and clear way is not necessarily ill-mannered.


To my mind, it is much more ill-mannered to tell other people how, or where, they should express themselves.


Hence my supporting the jokey Spinkz persona in the past, when other posters criticised the nature of your threads, or the board where you choose to post them.


And my ongoing support of the existence of the 'serious' Spinkz persona. That, of course, doesn't mean that I won't disagree with you at any point!