Ex Gf pregnant and need advice urgently

heuchera

foxtrotoscar wrote: »

How does most of her mates 'know' what she is 'doing to you'?

Seems a strange question (unless you want to elaborate further?)

Her mates know she is having his baby, and can see/hear for themselves what she's saying and doing.

foxtrotoscar_2

heuchera wrote: »

Seems a strange question (unless you want to elaborate further?)

Her mates know she is having his baby, and can see/hear for themselves what she's saying and doing.

She has apparently lied to her own father? It's really unlikely she has made herself out to be the bad one to most of her mates?

heuchera

foxtrotoscar wrote: »

She has apparently lied to her own father? It's really unlikely she has made herself out to be the bad one to most of her mates?

Doesn't sound unlikely to me. She told her father her ex doesn't want to see her/the baby because if she told the truth (that she's got a new bloke and she doesn't want to see the baby's father, nor for him to have access to the baby) she'll sound like a horrible cow and risk people judging her badly.

Her mates can probably do the maths for themselves, lol. If she was with the OP and not the new bloke, and is now X months pregnant, it must be OP's baby.

That's the way I see it.

FlyingKat

You can start by putting money away now for your child, show you are willing to contribute to his / her upbringing.

goodwithsaving

I'm afraid I'm going to be the only one with this view....

Fightback_Jack wrote: »

Its a shame the law still heavily favours the woman it should be instant equal rights.

Given women carry babies then I'm afraid, in these situations "instant" equal rights will never be (IMO). If an ex was requesting I'd give the baby his name and to be present at the birth, I'd tell him where to go.
It shouldn't be assumed that a child will automatically inherit the fathers name, that's outdated thinking. More normal than not, but still outdated.
Have you ever thought of it from her point of view? She's a woman, pregnant and separated at 2 months pregnant and she doesn't know how her life is going to pan out. Her hormones will be running riot and she's probably scared.
That said, every child needs it's father (if he's a decent human being, which you seem to be). Press on with this one. Lay off the "it's my right" bits, and you may find she softens in time, as she gets used to the idea herself.
Good luck

stu20vt

She doesn't want you having anything to do with the baby, but I'll bet you'll be told to pay a large percentage of your wages to the baby's mother.

scaredofdebt

I split with my ex a few years ago and had to go to court to get access - you can apply for a Joint Residency Order that gives you the same rights as the mother, but I am not sure exactly how this works for a newborn. Obviously if she breast feeds for example, you won't be able to easily get 50/50 residency for a few months at least. But it is possible to get 50/50 residency as the child gets older and this is the default position that the courts will aim for, at least in my experience.

The problem is if you are working full time it might not be possible to facilitate this until the child is at school, if at all, but bear it in mind for the future. In the meantime try to get as much access as you can, as regularly as you can so the child gets to know you. If you don't see the child for a period of time and then try to get access this will count against you as it sets a precedent in the eyes of the law.

If you do want residency when the child is of school age, it is more difficult the further apart you live from the child's school. This can be unfair if the mother moves away from the area, the courts are unlikely to grant you overnight stays if the school is more than about 45 minutes away. Not applicable to weekends/holidays etc of course.

You need legal advice but if a solicitor is too expensive then you might consider a Mackenzie Friend. I had one the first time I went to court and it was about a quarter the cost of a solicitor, the second time I went to court I represented myself as the judge was very reasonable and not at all on the mother's side.

I'd also be forwarned of your financial responsibilities by going to the child maintenance calculator online and seeing how much you are going to be paying to the mother.

Perhaps set up a savings account for the baby and tell the mother you have done so, she is likely to remember that!

Good luck and remember everything you do should be in the child's interests and not yours! Don't do things just to spite the mother and try to reconcile your differences as if you have an amicable relationship that is also better for the child. It is tough I know, been there (sort of), done that!

surveyqueenuk

stu20vt wrote: »

She doesn't want you having anything to do with the baby, but I'll bet you'll be told to pay a large percentage of your wages to the baby's mother.

Exactly what I was thinking. You really need a paternity test as, to be honest, something does not sit right with me.

foxtrotoscar_2

heuchera wrote: »

Doesn't sound unlikely to me. She told her father her ex doesn't want to see her/the baby because if she told the truth (that she's got a new bloke and she doesn't want to see the baby's father, nor for him to have access to the baby) she'll sound like a horrible cow and risk people judging her badly.

Her mates can probably do the maths for themselves, lol. If she was with the OP and not the new bloke, and is now X months pregnant, it must be OP's baby.

That's the way I see it.

She's lied to her Dad. That's not just the way I see it. That's a fact as we have been told...she's not more likely to have told her mates the truth. IMHO!

Guest101

Could the new bloke be the real father - i.e. was she playing away from home?